have they tried Craigslist?

The Canadian navy has once again demonstrated beyond all doubt that, for Canada, this whole "blowing people up" thing is just really, like, not our thing.

They lost a torpedo. Check out the honest-to-god lead:

Damn the torpedo: navy loses practice weapon off British Columbia coast

Beachcombers in British Columbia take note: the navy has lost an expensive practice torpedo that may wash up on shore somewhere.

Supah. I should head over there right away. If they don't offer a decent reward, I can always use a new torpedo. Or, this being the Canadian navy we're talking about, an obsolete torpedo. Think of it as the Gremlin hatchback of torpedos.

The frigate spent three hours in vain looking for the errant object, known as a "hottorp" for Honeywell Operational Training Torpedo, the name given by the original manufacturer.

"All firing conditions were met and torpedo launched successfully, but did not resurface," says a censored report on the incident, obtained under the Access to Information Act.

"The hottorp may rise to the surface . . . and eventually wash ashore. . . . (Request) that local authorities be notified in case the torpedo surfaces at a later time."

"It hasn't popped up yet," Cmdr. Rod Hughes said in an interview from Esquimalt, B.C.

"We think it's sitting on the bottom out there. We're actually going to go back and look for it this summer. We'll probably recover it."

It is, by the way, somewhere around the mouth of one of the busiest harbours on the West Coast. What the hell, don't they call Victoria "God's Waiting Room?" And who ever minded having a shorter stay in a waiting room, eh?

peregrine falcon cam

Peregrine FalconLet the Americans have their "Live from New York, it's one has-been host and a bunch of regulars you never heard of."

We've got our "Live from the rooftop of the Radisson Hotel in beautiful downtown Winnipeg, it's a pair of nesting Peregrine Falcons" cam.

And raincoaster must remark on how other countries may have rooftop gardens, rooftop dancefloors, rooftop lidos (whatever the hell they are) but leave it to Canada to not only reserve the rooftop for a pair of unhousebroken predators, but to also name the whole damn hotel chain after a stinky old canoeist.

Streaming Eagle Cam roundup here.

Peregrine Portrait

i got a fever, and the only prescription is…

a Christopher Walken questionnaire!!! Although more cowbell couldn't hurt.

I'm not sure, but I think first prize is an old black leather coat that smells like cigarettes and whiskey. It certainly aught to be.

Walker of the Illuminati

While he has never secured a place on the roster of Hollywood’s leading men, Walken has carved out a healthy niche in the “memorable supporting actors” strata. His most unforgettable parts have tended to be kooks and psychos.

When asked about his quirky roles, Walken purportedly said, “Is typecasting really a problem?” 

Walken is watching you

8. What technique does … Walken … use to … arrive at … his distinctive way of … delivering … lines?
He practices his lines by typing them into a Speak & Spell machine and playing them back
He crosses out all the punctuation in his scripts to allow him to develop completely original readings
He memorizes the script in reverse order and forces himself to mentally reorder the words as he is delivering them
He takes inspiration from remembering how his German father’s English sounded
He has a slight mental tic and speaks in the same way as everybody else sounds to him

And let us not forget that we have already seen him tap his way to glory on the Night of 100 Stars. I think he's the only one who's still alive, actually; there's gotta…be…a reason…for THAT!

Don't fear the Walken...

for Dick Cheney

with luv,
from Tom Lehrer

Full Metal Alchemist

by Tom Lehrer