I tell ya, the man just does not get it. More and more, I'm coming to believe the "Babs is the power behind the throne" theory.
Category Archives: Culture
Pirates, Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Operation Global Media Domination: Learn by Example
It was a very smart boy who said "Learn from the mistakes of others, for you will never live long enough to make them all yourself."
With these words of immortal wisdom in mind, we present the following, from Got Detroit? a metroblog of the finest quality.
How to Conquer the World Using Only an Internet Connection and Myspace
It may either be a lack of quality sleep, or my inherent celebrity fixation, but either way, I’m going to scream it out loud: Myspace is neat! I don’t even want to tell you how many celebrity friends we have. But I will. Let’s see. There’s Jessica Alba, Jessica Simpson, Ashley Simpson (they come in a set), most of the Detroit Pistons, J.J. of Good Times, Anakin Skywalker, Paris Hilton (all four of them), the entire nation of Israel – Not everyone in Israel, but the nation itself – and I can’t be positive, but at some point I’m pretty sure Tommy Lee’s Penis was our friend (don’t ask). That is, until the Super Bowl, when he promptly had his ass handed to him by Eminem (also our friend).
But, we’ve been thinking lately that something may be missing. That we’re missing the “big picture” on this Myspace thing. Then, wham!, it hit us. The old axiom: It’s all about who you know. And if it’s all about who you know, then it’s gotta be all about the power thing(1). Right? And if we’re going to be doing any real quality world domination any time soon, we figured it might be time to step it up a notch and get after some real heavy hitting trendsetters. Ones that can provide us a little of that allusive “it” factor, glad-handing and some of that ye ole’ flesh pressing we so desperatly need. And Myspace is just ripe with all sorts of these freewheelin, fun-lovin’ attention whores. Who knew Myspace was so trendy and politically/commerically connected?
After much debate we narrowed down our list of must have “friends” we require in order to survive in this looming New New World Order (get a pencil):
Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (Sure, he’s a douchebag, but whad’ya gonna do?) The Republic of China (If they haven’t already made everything you own, you can bet your ass they soon will) Illegal Immigrants (they’re probably online right now!) Al Gore (Naw. We just wanted to fuck with him a little bit. And besides, he hasn’t logged on in awhile) Gawker (knows how to find all the top notch celeb’s. And sports a pretty impressive collection of the ladies.) Michelle Malkin (We get the feeling she may not be interested) Future Ruler of the World, Suri Cruise (who surprisingly has only one friend, and is really a 50 year old male from Corona Del Mar.)Of course, we tried to nab Rupert Murdoch, but his Myspace profile was strangely unavailable. I mean, come on! The guy owns Myspace! What better friend to have, eh?So, there is our current – yet fully flexible – list of who we’re actively hunting (aside from the usual smattering of cute girls). Who else, dear readers, should we include in our grand experiment? Have we missed someone? If so, let us know discretely. We’re not here to piss anyone off, ya know.(1) But mostly, really, it’s all about the hooking up
Fake Writer Day, Junior Edition
Courtesy of Gawker, that heartbreaking bitch. Well, what can you expect from a New Yorker, eh?
Brief recap of the Fake Writer Roundup.
Exhibit A:
JT LeRoy, the young, mixed-up transexual addict who used to be a lot lizard (truck stop child hooker).
Not so much, on all counts.
Middle-aged, crafty, straight, married mundane with a perfectly respectable past and a nice, clean apartment in a good part of town. Which was part of the problem. So, whachagonnado? Ya hire your sister-in-law for appearances, put her in a fright wig and CNIB shades, and have her sleep with Asia Argento: bingo, instant wunderkind.
Exhibit B:
James Frey, ex-con, hardened, hard-living addict who found salvation in a sometimes-brutal honesty and acceptance of personal responsibility.
Not. So. Much.
James Frey, coddled, middle-class boy who has been pulled over for drunk driving a coupla times and may once have prank called an ex-girlfriend.
So now we come to Exhibit C:
Kaavya Viswanathan, wholesome, overachieving valedictorian and current Ivy Leaguer and literary wunderkind, every Indian parents' dream daughter.
Not. So. Fast.
Kaavya Viswanathan, not the first young woman to be used by older, wiser publishers looking for a marketing hook. Now, she probably didn't write all of her new book; that much is clear. If she did, she stole, either deliberately or under the influence of the ghost of George Harrison, a dozen or so significant sections. And it's a given that big publishers sometimes pick, almost at random, somebody to give a huge career to simply because they need personalities to market, and if their outstanding characteristic is nothing more than their marketability, surely much the same can be said of half of Manhattan. But I encourage you to read the whole of this analysis by Gawker Intern Neel Shah, both because it's a thoughtful overview with particular reflection on the cultural pressures shared by both Shah and Viswanathan, and also because Shah is really, really hot.
And going to the transcripts:
Whatever dubious subcontinental wunderkind Kaavya Viswanathan did write, didn’t write, had ghost-written, cribbed, subconsciously borrowed, telepathically stole, or else was brainwashed into doing by a bunch of Pakistanis hell-bent on subverting India’s credibility in the burgeoning Southeast Asian chick-lit genre, at least one thing is clear: shit like this is the reason brown kids should stick to quantitative math and organic chemistry. Ms. Viswanathan, after all, had all the hallmarks of future i-banker or doctor.
etc, etc.
Operation Global Media Domination: The Answer
I'm incredibly relieved to check stats and see that although we're having our best hit day ever NOT ONE PORN search led people here yesterday. Finally. Instead, it's all about the eagles, the politics, and the smackdown. And curling, naturallement. So, in celebration, I am happily going to answer the one unanswered question among them.
Yes, Cowichan sweaters are worth the money.
You have been enlightened. Go placidly amidst the Gore-tex and polar fleece, and remember that corduroy pants make funny noises. As far as possible be on good terms with the MEC sales staff. But tell them straight up their shirts are too dorky, and listen to their recommendations, for they know what's on sale.
raincoaster 