Category Archives: Culture

We are not a muse

Posted on by

KFed Trucker HatBut KFed is!

Bowling trophy husband Kevin Federline has transcended the mundane and entered the realms occupied only by the immortals. Zeus, Freya, Aphrodite, Kate Moss…

Kevin Federline is a muse.

Canada's favorite Cuban, Perez Hilton, reports that KFed is the subject, object, be-all and end-all of a new song, courtesy of Boston rap duo Names & DJ Dirty Beagle. The meisterwerk is entitled Wake Up, KFed, and is available for downloading here.

And here is a sample of the madness that awaits. Right click and save, people. You know this is gonna rock every trailer park in America!

Wake up Mr. Federline
cuz we're calling you out, bitch

So Kevin, I saw you at a 7-11
You had an Us Weekly under your arm
and you stunk to high heaven
but you were psyched because that had you on the cover again
claiming you were weeding again
while Britney was at the OBGYN
So it's too bad you can't be a good dad
since you're about to get served by a college grad
who spits rhyme

So you don't like being called K-FedK Fed Bling
you can suck on my whole dick head

Oops Britney what are we gonna do
cuz we both know Kevin belongs in a petting zoo
So it's time to drop the other shoe
Send him packing with a Mountain Dew
it's alright sister
you win a few and you lose a few.

The Holy…Quadruplicity????

Posted on by

The Blogosphere is marking Holy Week with one hell of a roundup. First the Judas Gospels teaser then the Da Vinci case (is that da Da Vinci case?), and finally Cthulhu peeps. Those, ladies and gentlemen, were warmups.

For this:

Pantera, Father of God...is it the one on the left?

According to some nutty religio-cryptarchaeologist, Jesus‘ real father was Pantera. Well, something had to account for their popularity, eh? Ever heard their music? Divine intervention might just do it.

This Easter is turning out to be especially grim for those who worship a virgin Jesus who was executed and then came back from the dead.

Between the outrageous heresy of the Gospel of Judas, disturbing scientific investigations of Jesus’ alleged crucifixion, mundane explanations for his miracles and the latest media circus around “The Da Vinci Code” and “Holy Blood, Holy Grail,” it was already a very bad spring for Christians.

It just got worse. A stunning new book by religious-history archeologist Dr. James A. Tabor — “The Jesus Dynasty: A New Historical Investigation of Jesus, His Royal Family, and the Birth of Christianity” — went on sale this week.

<snip>

Just as Osama bin Laden means “Osama, son of Laden,” the name Jesus bar Pantera means “Jesus, son of Pantera.”

And apparently, it’s all the fault of the bloody Germans. Well, it would be. (is xenophobia good for hits? Guess we’ll find out eh?)

Linkie o’ the day: eBay for the Evil Genius

Posted on by

Evil Genius eBay Shopping Guide.

I tell ya, this guy has it wired.Evil Genius Brain

Volcanic Island Lair? Check

Secret Base? Check

Henchmen? Check

Flamethrower? Check

Warhead? Check

Trapdoor? Check

Plutonium? Check

I coulda saved a ton of time if eBay had been around back when I was setting up the Dungeon.

Those Versace Twins did not come cheap!

God Bless the Atheists

Posted on by

Black JesusThis fellow makes a holy handcart full of sense.

Even though I think the charges involved are appropriate, I support his premise that what the Evangelists are doing is on the same level. I'm just more of a bitch.

I happen to think it's illegal harassment when some dude fondles your shoulder and prays over you even when you ask him not to.

What's legal for Evangelists should be legal for Satanists

The guy asked if he could pray with me for my continued success.White Satanist, Marilyn Manson

"No thanks, bud, I'm an atheist," I told him, hoping the conversation would end there…he placed one hand on my shoulder and started praying out loud.

…These kids need a good, swift kick in their pentagrams … What they did was rude and ill-conceived, but I'm not so convinced it was illegal.

And anyway, if being obnoxious about faith is against the law, there's not enough jail cells in the state for all the pushy believers out there.

Debuting to mixed reviews in Ireland

Posted on by

Black & TanBen & Jerry’s Black and Tan ice cream.
Cream stout ice cream swirled with chocolate ice cream

We’ve no idea how many Ben & Jerry’s fans might be beer enthusiasts, but we suspect that once you’ve tasted the way we’ve blended real cream stout ice cream with a whirl of chocolate ice cream, you might soon be raising more than a few pints of Black & Tan – and more than a few brew-aha!’s too.

If they try to release this in certain areas there might be a few black and blues involved, I’m thinking. Who’s the marketing genius behind this, I wonder…and besides, cream stout and chocolate? Somehow the Seattle espresso beer works. Chocolate and beer just go together like pork bellies and hemlock. Click on the link above to find out why this might not be quite as popular as Chunky Monkey..