Today in the Barely-Acceptable Jokes Corral

Thomas the Tank EngineA mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you bastards who want off, get the fuck off now, cause we're in a hurry! and all of you bastards who are getting on, get the fuck on, cause we're going down the tracks".

The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one."

She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added……….

"For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat bitch in the kitchen."

Lazy Friday

Madness

The Five Fists of Science

The Five Fists of Science 

Is this not the whackest shizzle you evah seen, niggaz? (is that how that is pronounced? I'm using an online translator here, cut me some slack) A snip from the Boingboing post:

Matt Fraction shares a sneak-preview of his forthcoming graphic novel, The Five Fists of Science, starring Mark Twain and Nikola Tesla in a race to save the world from Thomas Edison and J.P Morgan. "Best part? It's true. Almost," says Matt.

You know some underachieving physics grad is going to be living his dreams through this.

Back cover copy. If you listen closely, you can hear Thomas Dolby, I swear:

SCIENCE!
No longer the realm of the fop, the dandy, or the physicist!
SCIENCE!
No longer the purview of landed gentry or the monied upper classes
SCIENCE is TODAY! SCIENCE is NOW!
SCIENCE IS FOR YOU!

Come one and come all, to this, a grand old adventure
in a brand new tradition
the penny dreadful
the pulp adventure
the escapist fantasy
the pictotrash compendium
THE GRAPHIC NOVEL
THE FIVE FISTS OF SCIENCE

join
MR. MARK TWAIN
(aka Samuel Clemens)
— and —
MR. NIKOLA TESLA
(aka Master of Lightning)
in a white knuckle thriller
AS THEY SAVE THE VERY WORLD

not recommended for the soft or the sissy
the weak at heart
or
the dull of mind

THE FIVE FISTS
of SCIENCE!
TWAIN! TESLA!
AMERICA:
You cannot spell “action & adventure” without
T & T
!!!

As told by Messers Fraction & Sanders, Kansas City, Missouri
and published by Image Comics, Berkeley, CA.

AT LONG LAST
SCIENCE FOR THE COMMON MAN
SCIENCE FOR THE WORKING MAN
SCIENCE FOR EVERY MAN!
Fear it! Feel it!

THE FIVE FISTS
of SCIENCE!
Do you dare
READ IT?

a shoe drops in Vancouver

Now I know why I've been on a Tina Brown fixation Tina Brown Hairdothe past couple of days. It's worrisome, it can't be healthy, and it'll probably result in an unfortunately feathered hairdo if it goes on too long.

Yep, now I know exactly what my brain was trying to tell me. It's true what some of the mellower religious figures say. All things do come to those who wait, if by things you mean things like memories. And a fair few other things come to those who simply interview.

When [20-year-old] Tina took up with Harold Matthew Evans — forty-six at the time and married, with three children — she was selecting for herself one of the most remarkable, successful, and attractive men in all of Britain, and very likely one of the most vulnerable as well.

Hmmm, where's my damn phone? I gots calls to make.George Headphones

"Why, hello there George!"

We have absolutely no comment

although we imagine that one or two of you might be able to think of one.

Batman Squirt Gun