Category Archives: Culture

Media Madness!!!!!

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TIAWhat's next? First I'm quoted in the Daily Mirror (the MIRROR, ffs y'all; I don't even live in the UK!) so far out of context my snippet needs its own passport.*

Tina Fucking BrownNow, Tina Brown, Tina Fucking Brown, files a report about witnessing first-hand the lesbian crack orgies of a strung-out former gospel singer. Tina also spends a great deal of time running around the house picking up the skanktastic used sex toys of the so-called "power dyke." I guess when you got OCD you got OCD, eh? Word to the wise: Wellbutrin.

Paying Tina Brown a reported $200,000 was well worth every penny!

Tina Brown says that it's common knowledge…that Whitney has affairs with women.

[The strung-out former gospel star's] appetite to pleasure her pussy is so powerful that she has a massive collection of sex toys…

"They are all around the damn house," says Tina. "I'm constantly having to get them up. I don't want the kids to find them."

No indeed! What would happen to little George Frederick's future and peace of mind, should he stumble upon a lube-encrusted, vrroooooooming Purple Pussy Popper?

Si, where are you when she needs you? O, how the mighty have fallen. I bet she's sorry she ever left Vanity Fair.

Startups are not for kids

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Welcome to the Blogroll: Small Town Misfit

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Small town crimes are the most creative. Face it, there's not much to do in a really small town but incest, folk dancing, and creativity, eh?

Kiss the Crook

Keep Your Day Job

Posted on April 5th, 2006

Erie County, NY
A male was reportedly yelling and screaming in his Randolph Avenue driveway. Police reported he actually was trying to rap.

Found in Bee News

Culture Clash

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London Calling

All I can say about this story is, if my phone ever goes off in an English cab, I'm toast. It's quite remarkable what qualifies one to be a terrorist nowadays. Apparently, a fondness for classic bands is enough. Oh, is this the place to mention I was quoted out of context in the Daily Mail today? I feel so…indifferent. But I'm still gonna put 'em on my resume!

Together Mann and the driver enjoyed Procol Harum's "A Whiter Shade Of Pale." But soon things turned sour. Suddenly the driver was sitting in horrified silence as Mann played Led Zeppelin's "Immigrant Song."

When Mann sang along with punk legends The Clash's "London Calling," with its warnings "Now war is declared — and battle come down" and "meltdown expected," the scared cabbie could do nothing but wait.

"He didn't like Led Zeppelin or The Clash but I don't think there was any need to tell the police," Mann told the Daily Mirror.

The Pogrom

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Oops, I mean The Program. Sure I do.

Individuality

I'm trying to think of a rabid, slavering undead and undying accursed keeper of a name for this new blog topic: the course that The Ministry has shotgunned me into out of incompetence, perversity, or a straightforward appreciation for the incomparably beautiful spectacle of pure human suffering.

Operation Orwell Lives

Operation STFU

Operation Shock the MonkeyBeaker

I tell ya, I never felt so much like Beaker in my whole life. It definitely get the Politics tag, and so far I've restrained the impulse to use the Censorship tag, but only barely. Weird is a comer, keep your eye peeled for that, as is Crime; one more bizarre outburst from the math teacher and I may have to break out the Squid as well. Since he never sits down, it'll have to be thrown, but I think I can manage it. I used to be pretty good at baseball.

For now, since I'm supposed to be sending out the press release I drafted in class while the rest of the people were learning how to turn the Caps Lock key on and doing a grant proposal for forty thousand dollars for Pivot, we'll just have to ask you to post your suggestions for a name in the Comments. C'mon people: raincoaster here has had a collective ten, count 'em, ten hours of sleep in the last three nights, and can't think straight. Check over the above posts and see if you can tell where we're going with this mood…

Operation Orwell Lives: McSweeney’s is all over that

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And at least one blog post ahead of me. One question, though: when tagging this post, do work-related posts get tagged Politics, or Religion? Hmmmm, deep thoughts for another time.

Behold the Nihilist Resume:

David, Candice, whatever
EndlessMurk512@aol.com
This Abject World
(555) 555-5555

Objective

I have no objective. What's the point when cold death is the final destination for us all? Can you explain that to me? I know I'm supposed to put something here, though, so here goes: Your objective is to hire me into a challenging position in a computer-applications-based field within which you feel I can "make a difference" and "contribute" in a team environment.

Imbecile. 

Work Experience

Lead Sales Representative, Howard Brothers Trucking Co. (June 2003 to present)

As far as being a "leader" goes, I wasn't leading anyone or anything. Death is the great leveler, leading us all. Or not. Again, who cares, really?

 Interests

I'll admit I play tennis, although I don't keep score and insist that when my deluded partner does he use the terms "zero" or "nothingness" instead of "love," a superfluous notion.