VanityFair.com: best. faq. ever.

Just like my house! 

-I think James Wolcott is fab. [seriously, who among us doesn’t have a crush on Jimbo?] I’ve tacked his contributor’s picture to my wall, and every night I read some sonnets, such as “Woman’s Constancy,” to my Little Jim, as I call him. I’ve bought these cutouts of Ken-doll clothes and sometimes dress Jim up. Could you let him know green corduroy works best with his skin tone?

Comments and questions should be directed to . Please note that because of the volume of feedback received, not every message can be answered individually. Press requests should be directed to .

VF Hollywood IssueAs always, read all FAQs before even thinking about framing a question in your minds, much less taking up the valuable time of their well-bred and expensively-educated interns with a misdirected or simply misguided query.

Such as:

-To whom would one submit Frequently Asked Question questions?

What? 

-My Aunt Verity wants this old issue of Vanity Fair. It had a story on some rich guy who dated models. He had gray hair, if that helps. Aunt Verity can’t remember the month or year of the magazine—or who was on the cover either. Can I get a copy of it for her?

If you can’t remember the date of the issue in which a particular story appeared, please call 212-286-8180, and we will try to help you. All requests for back issues should be sent to . You can also call 800-365-0635 for issues dating from January 1999. Individual copies are available for $9.45 each (including first-class postage and handling) and should arrive within four to six weeks. To expedite your order, you may include a personal express-mail account number; the charge per issue is $4.95.

-Right. I’m in cashier school in Modesto. I can’t possibly fork over 30 bucks to reread that Michael Shnayerson piece on Ira Rennert.

Why not try your local library instead? Look for the Reader’s Guide to Periodical Literature or use your library’s Web site by clicking on the periodicals link and using the search function.

-I’ve got a scorching-hot tip for Dominick Dunne. I really can’t say what it is, but it involves a very famous cousin of a really rich daughter of this high-society lady who recently had her bejeweled Pacarana stolen by an Oscar-winning set designer. Whom can I call?

Gems such as these should be e-mailed to . If they sound credible, they will be presented to the diarist, who will either follow up on your lead or dismiss it as imaginative drivel.

-Graydon Carter’s “Editor’s Letter” really got my goat, who ate it and became quite ill. I’m appalled and want to let him know.

To send letters to the editor, click CONTACT US, or e-mail us at . You can also fax your correspondence to 212-286-4324. In all cases, be sure to include your name, address, and daytime phone number. Vanity Fair reserves the right to edit your submission and publish or otherwise use it in any medium. All submissions become the property of Vanity Fair.

-Man, I love that Proust guy‘s questionnaire. So probing. Has he got any books out I can buy?

To purchase books by contributing editors and photographers, as well as copies of classic covers, click V.F. STORE.

-Our glee club hopes to perform a choral version of a Vanity Fair story. We were thinking of Bruce Weber’s photo portfolio on Scandinavian lingerie, “Swede Surrender.” How does a club, company, school, or organization get a reprint of a previously published piece?

To ask permission to reprint a picture or article in any medium, please fax a request to 212-630-5883, contact , or call 212-630-5656. For press requests, contact . For personal reading purposes—if you know the article’s issue date—e-mail or call Back Issues at 1-800-365-0635.

-I’m the publicist for Glom Altoidov, the Uzbek sausage king. How can I get him into the Vanity Fair party the night of the Oscars—along with his Afghan hound, Follicula?

The party is by invitation only. Prostration, self-flagellation, or coquetry will hold no sway with V.F.’s editors, though such behavior is wildly entertaining. Animals are not admitted. Press inquiries regarding the party, and press inquiries only, should be directed to .

And so on…I really wanted to close this with the pic of Parker and Benchley forming an archway of mops, under which presided Conde Nast, with a doily for vestments, but it’s not out there and my scanner’s not working. Ah well, of such suffering is great art born. Right?

The Round Table by Hirshfeld

Olbermann lays the smackdown on Rumsfeld, the video

 The transcript is here, for those of you who have difficulty with American accents.

the Simpsons vs Star Trek

From a WordPress blog I can’t seem to find at the moment; sorry, if it’s you, leave a comment and I’ll update the entry.

The Simpsons theme meets capitan Kirk. Performed with Rhodes piano, Theremin and funnel.

What he does not say is that it’s performed by a COMPLETE LUNATIC! I love this whackjob, and so do 380,000 other people, primarily sexy Scandinavians, according to the YouTube stats. I bet he never has to suffer through a chilly Arctic night alone.

Olbermann on Rumsfeld, the transcript

Stolen from Thomas Paine’s Corner (hat tip to jaq for the pointer to an immediately blogroll-worthy site).

Video, for those who can’t read without moving their lips, here. For those who can’t watch video without using their lips, there’s always Fox.

Commentary by Keith Olbermann(in the spirit of Edward R. Murrow)

8/30/06

MSNBC

The man who sees absolutes, where all other men see nuances and shades of meaning, is either a prophet, or a quack.

Donald H. Rumsfeld is not a prophet.

Mr. Rumsfeld’s remarkable speech to the American Legion yesterday demands the deep analysis—and the sober contemplation—of every American.

For it did not merely serve to impugn the morality or intelligence — indeed, the loyalty — of the majority of Americans who oppose the transient occupants of the highest offices in the land.

Worse, still, it credits those same transient occupants — our employees — with a total omniscience; a total omniscience which neither common sense, nor this administration’s track record at home or abroad, suggests they deserve.

Dissent and disagreement with government is the life’s blood of human freedom; and not merely because it is the first roadblock against the kind of tyranny the men Mr. Rumsfeld likes to think of as “his” troops still fight, this very evening, in Iraq.

It is also essential. Because just every once in awhile it is right and the power to which it speaks, is wrong.

In a small irony, however, Mr. Rumsfeld’s speechwriter was adroit in invoking the memory of the appeasement of the Nazis. For in their time, there was another government faced with true peril—with a growing evil—powerful and remorseless.

That government, like Mr. Rumsfeld’s, had a monopoly on all the facts. It, too, had the “secret information.” It alone had the true picture of the threat. It too dismissed and insulted its critics in terms like Mr. Rumsfeld’s — questioning their intellect and their morality.

That government was England’s, in the 1930’s.

It knew Hitler posed no true threat to Europe, let alone England.

It knew Germany was not re-arming, in violation of all treaties and accords.

It knew that the hard evidence it received, which contradicted its own policies, its own conclusions — its own omniscience — needed to be dismissed.

The English government of Neville Chamberlain already knew the truth.

Most relevant of all — it “knew” that its staunchest critics needed to be marginalized and isolated. In fact, it portrayed the foremost of them as a blood-thirsty war-monger who was, if not truly senile, at best morally or intellectually confused.

That critic’s name was Winston Churchill.

Sadly, we have no Winston Churchills evident among us this evening.

We have only Donald Rumsfelds, demonizing disagreement, the way Neville Chamberlain demonized Winston Churchill.

History — and 163 million pounds of Luftwaffe bombs over England — have taught us that all Mr. Chamberlain had was his certainty — and his own confusion. A confusion that suggested that the office can not only make the man, but that the office can also make the facts.

Thus, did Mr. Rumsfeld make an apt historical analogy.

Excepting the fact, that he has the battery plugged in backwards.

His government, absolute — and exclusive — in its knowledge, is not the modern version of the one which stood up to the Nazis.

It is the modern version of the government of Neville Chamberlain.

But back to today’s Omniscient ones.

That, about which Mr. Rumsfeld is confused is simply this: This is a Democracy. Still. Sometimes just barely.

And, as such, all voices count — not just his.

Had he or his president perhaps proven any of their prior claims of omniscience — about Osama Bin Laden’s plans five years ago, about Saddam Hussein’s weapons four years ago, about Hurricane Katrina’s impact one year ago — we all might be able to swallow hard, and accept their “omniscience” as a bearable, even useful recipe, of fact, plus ego.

But, to date, this government has proved little besides its own arrogance, and its own hubris.

Mr. Rumsfeld is also personally confused, morally or intellectually, about his own standing in this matter. From Iraq to Katrina, to the entire “Fog of Fear” which continues to envelop this nation, he, Mr. Bush, Mr. Cheney, and their cronies have — inadvertently or intentionally — profited and benefited, both personally, and politically.

And yet he can stand up, in public, and question the morality and the intellect of those of us who dare ask just for the receipt for the Emperor’s New Clothes?

In what country was Mr. Rumsfeld raised? As a child, of whose heroism did he read? On what side of the battle for freedom did he dream one day to fight? With what country has he confused the United States of America?

The confusion we — as its citizens— must now address, is stark and forbidding.
But variations of it have faced our forefathers, when men like Nixon and McCarthy and Curtis LeMay have darkened our skies and obscured our flag. Note — with hope in your heart — that those earlier Americans always found their way to the light, and we can, too.

The confusion is about whether this Secretary of Defense, and this administration, are in fact now accomplishing what they claim the terrorists seek: The destruction of our freedoms, the very ones for which the same veterans Mr. Rumsfeld addressed yesterday in Salt Lake City, so valiantly fought.

And about Mr. Rumsfeld’s other main assertion, that this country faces a “new type of fascism.”
As he was correct to remind us how a government that knew everything could get everything wrong, so too was he right when he said that — though probably not in the way he thought he meant it.

This country faces a new type of fascism – indeed.

Although I presumptuously use his sign-off each night, in feeble tribute, I have utterly no claim to the words of the exemplary journalist Edward R. Murrow.

But never in the trial of a thousand years of writing could I come close to matching how he phrased a warning to an earlier generation of us, at a time when other politicians thought they (and they alone) knew everything, and branded those who disagreed: “confused” or “immoral.”
Thus, forgive me, for reading Murrow, in full:

“We must not confuse dissent with disloyalty,” he said, in 1954. “We must remember always that accusation is not proof, and that conviction depends upon evidence and due process of law.“We will not walk in fear, one of another. We will not be driven by fear into an age of unreason, if we dig deep in our history and our doctrine, and remember that we are not descended from fearful men, not from men who feared to write, to speak, to associate, and to defend causes that were for the moment unpopular.”

And so good night, and good luck.

The Manolo sez: help The Hoff

From, obviously, The Manolo, with whose suggestion we beg to differ. Photobucket - Video and Image HostingSeems The Hoff is looking for a lovely lady to swank with him through the sad remains of his life as a popcult oddity.

Former Baywatch star David Hasselhoff is refusing to allow his recent divorce get him down – he already has plans to find a new “chick”…

He says, “I’m coming to England in September and I want to find myself a beautiful girlfriend. But I don’t want some dumb blonde. I’d like a woman who’s really intelligent.

“I saw this girl recently who must have stepped out of the office during her lunch break and was wearing work clothes and glasses, and I thought to myself, ‘That’s what I want, a chick who’s career-orientated.’”

Think of the lifestyle available to the consort of an icon such as The Hoff: rivers of champanski on the house, the valet lets you jump the line when picking up your Acura, unlimited partying with other superannuated action figures such as Jan-Michael Vincent and their wizened, bleached concubines of the moment, and fighting off hordes of deluded German blondes…ah, that’s the C-list life!

We at the raincoaster blog have a suggestion for the trophy doxy.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Think about it. She comes with her own load of Internet infamy. She’s already both famous and notorious worldwide, so it’s inconceiveable she’s not already popular in Germany. She’s apparently going to star in the Spanish Big Brother, despite perhaps not even speaking the language. She’s legal. And, most importantly, she’s an engineer, so when it comes time for The Hoff to capitalize on the new Knight Rider movie, she’ll undoubtably be able to whip up a new KITT for the occasion.

A match made in Internet Infamy heaven.