Poop smear?

 The Mad Doctor of Mott Street; I think I went to him once.

This easily wins the award for Best Stuff Found On WordPress In, Like, A Bajillion Years. Behold a small snippet of the glory that is She Got Her Pap Smear WHERE?

R (my neighbor)….”I had to take my sister to the doctor last week. She is already 23 and never had a pap smear. Since, she is a virgin, the doctor did the pap smear in her behind”.

Me…”Her behind what?”…

The conversation continues…

…See, now she has angered me and I am resorting to using big medical terms like turd and poontang.

Figuring that this might get interesting, I make myself calm down.

Me….”Why did she have to go to the doc? Is she ill?

R…..”She’s suffering from lack of malnutrition”.

Me…..”Don’t you mean lack of nutrition?”

R……”NO!! The doc said lack of malnutriton. I was standing write there when he said it.”

Me….”Well, I gotta run. Got things to do. See ya around. Hope the ass-smear turns out OK”. (Couldn’t resist saying “ass-smear”. I’m such a smart-ass sometimes)

Gyno Exam, yo. What does it LOOK like?Sounds to me like somebody needs a new gynecologist. Or more intelligent relatives. What do you say? Did this woman actually get a poop smear instead of a pap smear, or is the woman’s sister just demented and dumb as a bag of rocks, so she eventually tired of trying to explain it to said sister and just made shit up?

But yaknow whut? There is a precedent. Warning: that link not safe for work OR lunch.

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Like unicorns? Like little old ladies? You’ll love Grannycorn!

Oh, I feel so evil, posting this.

Granicorn, yo!

Yangcheng Evening Post reports that 95 year old Granny Zhao of China first spotted a mole on her forehead three years ago. It’s since grown into the pumpkin husk like shape you see above.

Granny Zhao says it causes her no discomfort and only blocks part of her vision. It doesn’t really bother her and she basically pays it no mind. Her family, on the other hand, is hoping that medical experts can explain what the fuck it is.

Silly blogger: it’s magic! Everyone knows that if the Buddha kisses your third eye you grow a magical unicorn horn there…and you can use it for dowsing or even pick up some pretty cool radio stations! Granny Zhao is all ovah that hip hop shit.

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kickin’ it, the remix!

This is even funnier and more tasteless than the original.
(which has almost 700,000 views in one day!)

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kickin’ it!

Right in the head.

This is terrible, horrible, awful, wrenching, and really, really funny. It’s like a snuff video featuring kittens. You’ve been warned.

Indeed, the person who deserves a kick in the head, ie the parent, seems to have gotten off scott-free, which is by no means fair. (by the way, the papers report that no serious damage was done; kids are in fact indestructible). 114,000 views in one day: wow, there are a lot of people out there just as sick as I am!

Stolen from Gawker. Sequel here.

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7-17: felony fun for the whole family!

You’ll shoot your eye out with that!

Seven to seventeen!

Let’s all celebrate the birth of the Babby Jebus with happy volleys from our brand new weapons! Maybe we’ll make CNN  like those trigger-happy Middle Easterners!

Actually, I’m relatively sure that even in Canada you don’t get 7-17 for anything less than manslaughter, though, and possession of a bb gun would be more like “laughed out of the legion” when it comes to punishment. Okay, so I’m still bitter I never got one of these…

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