10 uses for a microwave oven

Microwave Cooking...rumaki, pigs in curiously pale blankets, even how to do your turkey...ALBINO!Well you wouldn’t want to put your food in it; that would be hilariously retro! You might as well serve rumaki and Betty Crocker’s Bean and Frank Fiesta Casserole. If you do, give me a call: I love that shit.

In any case, here, straight from the Guardian, your quality source for breaking news and the last home of real free-range journalism, the heir to all our hopes and dreams and foggy memories of Cronkite and Murrow comes a list of ten useful but non-foodie things to do with your microwave.

Throw it out” is not on the list.

Sponge, yo. Apparently, the British like to eat it!And by the way, before trying the sponge trick, do make sure the sponge is soaked in water and contains no metal bits. Since the story broke quite a number of people have managed to set sponges on fire, which is a neat trick if you’re a ten year old in the backyard and not so neat if you’re a fortysomething neurasthenic housewife in your $20,000 custom kitchen.

To the list!

Environmental engineers at the University of Florida report in a new study that zapping damp sponges and dishcloths for two minutes on full power in a microwave kills more than 99% of harmful bacteria. We asked the experts at the Good Housekeeping Institute to come up with 10 further novel uses for your oven.

1 Get more juice out of lemons and limes, by softening them on high for 15-20 seconds…

4 Dye up to 225g of material. Wearing rubber gloves, stir a packet of Dylon natural fabric dye with 200ml cold water in a bowl, add 400ml more water and immerse the fabric. Put the bowl inside a plastic bag in the microwave on high for four minutes. Remove, tip away the dye, and rinse the fabric in cold water. Wash in hot water, then dry away from direct heat or sunlight…

6 Melt wax for removing leg hair, on 80% power for 10 seconds, assuming it’s a full pot. Beware: it doesn’t need to boil!

del.icio.us: 10 uses for a microwave oven
blinklist: 10 uses for a microwave oven
furl: 10 uses for a microwave oven
Digg it: 10 uses for a microwave oven
ma.gnolia: 10 uses for a microwave oven
Stumble it: 10 uses for a microwave oven
simpy: 10 uses for a microwave oven
newsvine: 10 uses for a microwave oven
reddit: 10 uses for a microwave oven
fark: 10 uses for a microwave oven
Technorati me!

Rav Jousting: Knights on cars vid o’ the day

There are no words for this…it makes insanity look like accountancy.

del.icio.us: rav jousting, knights on cars
blinklist: rav jousting, knights on cars
furl: rav jousting, knights on cars
Digg it: rav jousting, knights on cars
ma.gnolia: rav jousting, knights on cars
Stumble it: rav jousting, knights on cars
simpy: rav jousting, knights on cars
newsvine: rav jousting, knights on cars
reddit: rav jousting, knights on cars
fark: rav jousting, knights on cars
Technorati me!

six-word stories

Hemingway by StraterThere are an infinite to the power of ten number of games, tricks, memes, generators, and other gizmos to give writers the well-deserved smack on the bottom or the top that they need to be really creative, including Flash Fiction. One of the best Flash Fiction sites is David B. Dale‘s, and fortunately the standard there is high enough to give some feeble hope to us skeptics. Not enough, though, to override my belief that in very few cases do these artificially confining pretences lead to actually great writing. I can think of Ramsay Campbell‘s short story, “Heading Home,” which literally could not have been done in any art form other than writing. It is the least-filmable piece ever committed to mass market paperback. There is also the great Dorothy Parker‘s perfect poem “Two-Volume Novel,”

The sun’s gone dim, and
The moon’s turned black;
For I loved him, and
He didn’t love back.

But this, six-word flash fiction, and perhaps the most restrictive of those challenges, takes inspiration from this great work of Ernest Hemingway‘s

For Sale: Baby shoes, never worn.

How much daring must a human being have to go up against competition like this, or even to exist in the same sphere? Hemingway himself said it was his best work, and he was no slouch in the work or opinion departments, for all his boozing.

This is the roundup that Wired magazine collected from some of the top SciFi writers today(stolen from Wil Wheaton), and I must say that, however neat the idea, this is one sad sack of sentences. While some of them would make a good first line for a conventional novel

Kirby had never eaten toes before.
Kevin Smith

most of them are rather laurel-resty

Don’t marry her. Buy a house.
Stephen R. Donaldson

Hearteningly, a scant handful actually live up to the challenge and do justice to the reputations of the writers. It lights a fire in my soul and the souls of all good readers and writers when we see good or great writers writing this well:

It’s behind you! Hurry before it
Rockne S. O’Bannon

Longed for him. Got him. Shit.
Margaret Atwood

Machine. Unexpectedly, I’d invented a time
Alan Moore

And here, to leave you with our ambiguously depressing thought for the day, is Hemingway’s Nobel Prize acceptance speech, as read at the banquet by the American ambassador to Sweden. At two minutes and ten seconds, it is in its own right Flash Speechifying, but nonetheless eternal for that. If the player doesn’t work for you the text over the jump, and here is a Realplayer version of Hemingway himself reading it; if any of you can convert that horrific medium to an MP3 I would be much obliged.


del.icio.us: six-word stories
blinklist: six-word stories
furl: six-word stories
Digg it: six-word stories
ma.gnolia: six-word stories
Stumble it: six-word stories
simpy: six-word stories
newsvine: six-word stories
reddit: six-word stories
fark: six-word stories
Technorati me!

Continue reading

quiz: which classic dame are you?

Check this out, unbelievers! I stole this delightful little test from View from the Event Horizon.

 Gentlemen, what are you all doing on the floor?

Barbara Stanwyck
You scored 33% grit, 23% wit, 42% flair, and 9% class!

You’re a tough dame, a bit of a spitfire, and you can even be a little dangerous, but you do it with such flair that almost all is forgiven (and even when it’s not, you’re still the most interesting woman in the room). You can be witty and charming, all right, but you have a tough streak that keeps you focused and sometimes deadly. You’ve had quite a climb to get where you are, but you’re a hard worker and you mostly deserve all you get…and then some. You might end up destroying everything around you, but you must admit…you’ve got style.
Your leading men include Henry Fonda, Fred MacMurray, and when you forget yourself, Gary Cooper.
Find out what kind of classic leading man you’d make by taking the Classic Leading Man Test.
Why, yes. You CAN buy them for me.My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 99% on grit
 
 You scored higher than 99% on wit
 
 You scored higher than 99% on flair
 
 You scored higher than 99% on class 

Yeah, suck on that, haterz! I’m classy!

del.icio.us: Quiz: which classic dame are you?
blinklist: Quiz: which classic dame are you?
furl: Quiz: which classic dame are you?
Digg it: Quiz: which classic dame are you?
ma.gnolia: Quiz: which classic dame are you?
Stumble it: Quiz: which classic dame are you?
simpy: Quiz: which classic dame are you?
newsvine: Quiz: which classic dame are you?
reddit: Quiz: which classic dame are you?
fark: Quiz: which classic dame are you?
Technorati me!

Edmund Burke on power: quote o’ the day

From the book The Orientalist, by Tom Reiss.

Lev concludes his indictment of the Soviet secret police by recalling Edmund Burke‘s indictment, in Parliament, of Warren Hastings, the governor-general of India. Hastings had been impeached on a charge of oppressing the natives, and argued in his own defense that his actions could not be considered illegal because he had been granted arbitrary power in India.
To this the British conservative and hater of revolutionary injustice – but also of all kinds of injustice, whether revolutionary or not – replied:

“My lords, the East India company have not arbitrary power to give him; the King has no arbitrary power to give him; your Lordships have not; nor the Commons; nor the whole legislature. We have no arbitrary power to give, because arbitrary power is a thing which neither any man can hold nor any man can give…
Those who give and those who receive arbitrary power are alike criminal.”