I feel a soul-eating rampage coming on! CindyRedDeer shall be spared, for verily that is where I stole this from. From whence I stole this. Or Whom. Whatever. I’ll eat your soul.
Your Score: Spawn of Yog Sothoth
You scored 6 Unearthliness, 6 Sheer Horror, 9 Power, and 8 Intelligence!
You mother was the most cursed of human women, but your father was something truly unearthly [ed.note: naw, they got that backwards, silly OKCupiders!]. Depending on which side you took after, you may be able to pass for human, in the right clothes and lighting conditions, or you may be such a bizarre monstrosity that light itself refuses to acknowledge your form, making you invisible to the human eye [well, they got that right]. Either way, you have grown to a curious adulthood at a prodigious rate, and even now are conspiring to open the Gate that lets your father through to this meager world.
My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
Charges have been dropped in the sixth trial against Tammy Jean Warner of Texas City, Texas (where else, I ask you?) aka the Sherry Enema Poisoner aka Black Widow Amontillado in the case of the…uh…sherry enema poisoning death of her husband, Michael Warner, rumoured sherry enema (if not poisoning) enthusiast.
Despite the undisputed facts that he had a blood alcohol level of 0.47, that it was obtained through the use of a sherry enema (I want to know what brand…really, 0.47? Sounds like a party to me!) that he died thereof, that there was no-one in the home but the sherry enema abuser and his wife, and that the enema was not self-administered, the case was dropped for” lack of evidence.”
Perhaps OJ will put this on his list of “real killers” to look for.
First of all, given that sherry is about 14% alcohol, which I knew off the top of my head (hi Lydia!) and no, it’s not unusual…everybody knows that stuff… and that there are about 5 litres of blood in the average male…unless I’m drunk myself (never safe to bet against, as regular readers will know) that is about 0.1175 litres of pure alcohol, which could be obtained by absorbing 100% of the booze in 0.83928571428571428571428571428571 litres of your common-or-garden sherry, or about one and a quarter bottles. Which, at $18.99 for a 750 ml bottle of Tio Pepe, is nobody’s idea of a cheap way to get high/dead.
Second, sherry has been known as a deadly threat for years. YEARS. Why isn’t this a controlled subst- okay, why isn’t it a MORE controlled substance? Eh? I ask you that. Even Edgar Alan Poe wrote a cryptic warning, perhaps (from what I hear of his habits) himself all too familiar with the sinister beverage’s deadly effects, although there are no eyewitness reports that he was a particular enema buff, some slashfic notwithstanding.
Third, if he was deliberately trying to kill himself, why couldn’t he simply have done as thousands of sherry enthusiasts through the ages have done and wait for the next morning’s hangover? Believe me, motivation for self-annihilation is never stronger than in the throes of a truly epic sherry hangover.
from the WOW report, which I found by doing my daily slog in the salt mines, during which I admire my manicure and listen to loud music and eat snack foods and drink refreshing beverages and get paid to read gossip blogs.
What smell? What are they talking about? I change my Underoos every day.
Honestly, some people.
I think, actually, this is what Cthulhu wears for a pedicure.
From the Manolo…I will not link you directly to the horrific, browser-destroying Chinese source site, because yea verily it is horrific, even unto the browser-destroyingness.
Come to think of it, I could get the effect of any of the three shoes featured just by walking around my neighborhood barefoot. The decaying zombie feet might take a couple of days to ripen properly, though.
raincoaster 