We are fucked, my friends

We are fucked, my friends

What did I say? WHAT DID I SAY?

I said, “We’re all fucked.”

We just got 25% more fucked.

Orcas can fly. Cougars can swim. Meerkats can operate AK-47’s. Raccoons have taken up swordfighting. And now, sharks can walk.

Good luck trying to get back to sleep tonight. THAT is in the ocean off the Moluccas. I swam in that water. That’s what’s down there. And you wonder why I don’t go in the ocean anymore.

Keep Calm and Hail Cthulhu

Keep Calm and Hail Cthulhu

The Plan: pic seven

Lotus leaves at Sun Yat Sen

Lotus leaves at Sun Yat Sen

Those of you who’ve been following the ol’ icecoaster adventures during my sojourn in Upper Muskox will be familiar with my Plan posts, in which I lay out one productive thing to add to my life over the course of a week (no sense rushing into things impetuously, like moving across the country etc, nossir. Not my style At. All.) and which subsequently goes entirely haywire. And here is another; you must be thrilled!

Back in the day (as we who are old enough to remember those days say) I had a Polariod Joycam, and I loved that mofo like a very bestest imaginary friend. I took it everywhere with me, as it was small, light, and also a mere $20, which reminds me of the Finnish nickname for a cellphone: Yuppie Teddy Bear.


Living Room

Operation Global Media Domination Global HQ

Anyway, the Joycam still exists (can you spot it in this shot of my living room? Probably not, I think it’s on the floor under the four laptop bags) although joycam film has gone to that Great Photobooth in the Sky. Well, not quite: it seems Impossible Is Nothing, or rather Impossible is Possible at the Impossible Project, which makes and sells instant film for existing Polariod cameras, so there is hope for those of us hopelessly addicted to Polariod Dry Transfers and their artsy crafty ilk.

Distractions of Thrift

Distractions of Thrift, a polariod dry transfer by Butter Fry

Such as mine own self.

But where was I? Yes, eulogizing Polariod. It’s what Hipstamatic is a pale, robotic image of. Duty done, moving on.

I have one professional-quality 35 mm SLR (no D!) that I inherited from my mother, and two digital cameras thanks to my friend, photographer and social media maven Cathy Browne, who gives me her castoffs every time she trades up (and long may she so trade!). I’ve been running around for weeks with one or the other in my backpack, and finally decided to get some use out of them, reviving my old Pic a Day practice. I found it refreshed the way I look at the world as I pass through it, as well as provided a reason for me to get out of the damn apartment. Sort of the same effect as when I first began blogging, and I found it forced me out to get material. So you may see a weekly roundup of photos, at least one per day; then again, you may not, particularly if you don’t read this blog every day and if not, what’s your goddam excuse I’d like to know? EH?

In any case, here are some shots from today and last night. I’m too lazy to embed them all individually, so here’s a slideshow via Flickr and Vodpod. Don’t let anyone tell you the Downtown Eastside is a wasteland: this is what it looks like.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

A Love Story for Our Time

Internet Love never works out

Internet Love never works out. Lavalife has a lot to answer for.

Haven’t we all had that experience? The tall, handsome, male charmer online somehow morphs, in between tweeting and meeting, into a stubby, Faces-of-Meth, hermaphroditic, spectrum disorder-having bedwetter. Oh, there may be plenty of fish out there, but YOU try getting one to make conversation over a nice entree.


The Booty Call of Cthulhu

The Booty Call of Cthulhu

Kate Gosselin will settle for just ANYONE.

Anybody need a stiff drink after that? Apparently I need a Bloody Mary:

You Are a Bloody Mary

You’re a fairly serious drinker who’s experimented a lot with different drinks.

You know what you like to drink, but you’re not a snob. You’ll drink anything in a pinch. 

You’re a drunk, but you are a stable drunk. You don’t ever let your drinking get out of control.

You’re the one who keeps everyone levelheaded, even if you’ve had the most to drink.

If you don’t feel like a drink but have been inspired to take quite a different kind of action, here’s the “what kind of toilet user are you” quiz that you didn’t know you were waiting for.

Your Toilet Personality is Social

You’ll go anywhere, anytime, with anyone. In fact, you secretly talk on the phone when you’re in your “office.”

For you, going to the bathroom is no big deal. And you going shouldn’t be for anyone else either. 

You don’t mind public restrooms – in fact, you sort of like the energy they bring to the act.

When you’re on the toilet, you consider yourself a bit of a performance artist.

As always, your mileage may vary. And so via natural progression to the celebrity gossip links for today.
Continue reading

Merry Cthulhumas from the Vancouver Aquarium

I’m slowly getting back to a regular posting schedule, and you know what that means: TENTACLES! So here are some suitably decked denizens of the deep to put you in the holiday spirit.

eel be all right soon

You won't eel a thing

You won't eel a thing

Look, dude, just close your eyes and get it over with. It’ll all be over soon. You’re just lucky your friend is too stupid to understand his boss’s orders: normally, when they say “Sleep with the fishes” they don’t mean sleep, you know what I’m sayin’? And I’m not going to tell him.

Isabella Rossellini fills the convents! (raincoaster)

Parker Posey is no angel either (Ayyyy)

Putin aside temptation (Lolebrity)

Industry Swiftly makes Kanye prOn (AgentBedhead)

Conan O’Brien is a cunning linguist (BusyBeeBlogger)

Adrien Brody is pursued by a succubus from Hell (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Angels get pregnant? (CelebritySmack)

Celebrity hobos (CityRag)

Cojo eulogizes Liz Hurley’s dress (CojoStyle)

Recession fashion tips from Vivienne Westwood (CyberBoris)

Kanye in the Sky with a microphone? (DailyStab)

Anne Hathaway is Jake Gyllenhaal’s guardian angel (EvilBeet)

Don’t EVER touch Charlie Sheen’s watch (Earsucker)

These are your people’s choices (GabbyBabble)

and deliver us from Speidi (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Un-chain Hilary Swank’s heart (GoFugYourself)

A Kardashian is judging you (HaveUHeard)

Russell Brand leaves his wife for Prince Charles (INeedMyFix)

Victoria Beckham and her incubus step out in daylight (JustJared)

Shalit be time for trading places? (Movieline)

The government hates your boss too (PerezHilton)

and in related news, Castro is still alive (PoorBritney)

Before Pee-Wee! (SeriouslyOMG)