Category Archives: humor

Coming soon: Xanadu, Yelp-style

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a pretentious little quadrangle, with overtones of morbid obesity

a pretentious little quadrangle, with overtones of morbid obesity

Still too woozy from my latest hospital visit to do a useful post, but very soon I shall put up a restaurant review-style comparison of the multifarious psychoactive substances the wonderful Canadian healthcare system has been doling out to me gratis. Not sure whether to rate them on overall experience or just quality of hallucinations, but definitely in there somewhere.

Today the Emergency Room doctor told me my Demerol space cosmonaut monkey hallucination was “totally awesome.” I think it made his day. God knows, it made mine.

I can see where you're coming from, man.

I can see where you're coming from, man.

Calvin and Hobbes and a business model I can really get behind

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calvin is SO right

calvin is SO right

I’m telling you, if I can figure out a way to get this to pay, I’m gonna be a BAJILLIONAIRE. In the meantime, here’s a short list of some people who could use some swift ass-kickery.

Dear Santa, is it SO much to ask… (raincoaster)

Santa Andy has to put up with some mean drunks on Christmas (Ayyyy)

Julia Child, acolyte of Cthulhu??? (ManoloFood)

Ryan Gosling is into light bondage (Lolebrity)

The War on Christmas tweets (AgentBedhead)

Jennifer Aniston has the scent of desperation (AmyGrindhouse)

Hugh Jackman has cricket balls (BusyBeeBlogger)

Alanis Morissette for Ever (CeleBitchy)

Natalie Portman is packing babeh, off the market (CelebritySmack)

Is EVERYONE pregnant? Please stop her before she breeds (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Hottest accessory of 2010: Klingonhead (CityRag)

But would Lady Gaga have broken up the Beatles? (EvilBeet)

KK hits rock bottom and starts digging (FitFabCeleb)

World’s most hated couple makes honest homewreckers of one another(GabbyBabble)

Best Busts of 2010 (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Kelly Osbourne goes Full Flamewar (HaveUHeard)

Justin Bieber’s impurity ring (INeedMyFix)

To get your little gold man, get a little man of your own (Movieline)

Richard Chamberlain comes out, Perez whacks him (PerezHilton)

and all I got were slipper socks. AGAIN (PopBytes)

Lily Allen is engaged (PopSugar)

Santa brought the world some JLoHew/AlyMil action (SeriouslyOMG)

Charlie Sheen not dead (WeNewsIt)

My new favorite stocking stuffer gift, now and forever

My new favorite stocking stuffer gift, now and forever

 

Dear Santa:

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Julian Assange waits patiently for me

Julian Assange waits patiently for me, but why isn't he nekkid?

 

 

Just a late note, in case the Post Office is still delivering. I posted it on Gawker days ago, but I don’t think he reads that rag.

Is it TOO MUCH TO ASK, Universe, to wake up on Christmas morning to find Julian Assange and Laird Hamilton under the tree, naked, tied together with leather straps, and very happy to see me?

I mean, fuck. Is it TOO MUCH TO ASK?

#crosstalk

@raincoaster: hell, I’m in. I’d like colin firth and matthew goode, please

#crosstalk

@bellinibubbles: Let’s make this a meme.

#crosstalk

@raincoaster: I wouldn’t want to mess with Gabrielle Reece’s man. She looks fierce.

#crosstalk

@Salome Valentine: I KNOW! Besides, I love her and their baby is adorable. But he’s gorgeous.

#crosstalk

@LatestBy: You’re telling me. I have two, actually: blond hunks and arrogant geniuses. Steve Jobs is in the latter category.

#crosstalk

@raincoaster: Have you ever seen this episode ofIconoclasts? It’s my favorite (Eddie Vedder & Laird Hamilton).

#crosstalk

@Salome Valentine: Oh, sigh. Christmas has come early!

He’s so much like a blond Henry Rollins, only without the aggro and about 30IQ points. Sigh.

#crosstalk

InCOMING!

INCOMING!

Merry Fucking Christmas to you, too, Morticia

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Morticia must be PMSing or something

Morticia must be PMSing or something

Fight it, girl! YOU CAN DO IT!

And so (somewhat abruptly) to our gossip links. These used to be more fun when they were cocktail themed, but, well, my liver and I are not on speaking terms right now.

Jesus has two Daddies! (Warning: extreme cuteness)(raincoaster)

John Cusack then whispered it to attack Piven’s hairpiece (Lolebrity)

Ho, ho, ho! It’s a very 70′s Christmas (Ayyyy)

The secret Santa/Ninja connection (ManoloFood)

Elf you! South Park style cards (AgentBedhead)

RyRey gets ready for me (BusyBeeBlogger)

Keira Knightly gives the men of the world the greatest Christmas present ever (CeleBitchy)

Least Likely Headline Ever: There’s No Paris Hilton Sex Tape (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Yes, the Brittany Murphy story is getting even creepier (EarSucker)

Vanessa Hudgens, Michael Jackson impersonator (FitFabCeleb)

Tiny Goth gnome hides under mushroom (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Zac Efron eats street meat (HaveUHeard)

Pauly D has World’s Worst Hair and His Own TV Show (INeedMyFix)

The 12 films of Christmas (Movieline)

Jesus Has Two Daddies!

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Jesus does indeed have two daddies, and he turned out okay

Jesus does indeed have two daddies, and he turned out okay

It’s TRUE! Jesus has two daddies: and a camel-load of cute, in this adorbz video by adorbz Kiwi toddlers, who re-enact the Christmas story with some snazzy costumes, Oscar-quality performances, and the irresistible power of Teh Kyoot.