Jack Bauer vs Aqua Teen Hunger Force!

It doesn’t pay to piss off a Canuck. When will the terrorists learn?

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Q&A with John Waters

John Waters Merry Christmas! 

Nowadays there are very few good sides to Nerve.com, but one that remains is the barefaced outspokenness of their content. I can’t think of another media outlet that would allow their readers to interview John Waters and run the answers unexpurgated.

While Waters doesn’t seem to be in his best, most overcaffeinated and loopy form here, it’s nonetheless amusing and never less than honest. Want to know what freaks out the freakmaster? Read on…Here’s a sample.

“What is the most filthy, vile, and disgusting thing you’ve personally ever heard of or thought of? Does the wide availability of subversive information on the internet play a role in this?”
Well, I think that’s where I heard about blossoms, which I found especially repellant. Which is where men — well, I guess women, but I’ve only found men — have been fist-fucked so much that their anuses are outside of their ass, like a cauliflower. And they compare who has the biggest blossom. I found that fairly appalling.
Jesus Christ.
[laughs] I don’t think that’s been topped. I’ve heard about “ultimate nudity,” which I don’t know is real or not; some men, probably in Los Angeles, where it would seem to be more appropriate, have the skin of their testicles removed and replaced with clear plastic on the theory that it’s more erotic to see how the sperm is made. I’ve never seen that, but I hope that’s true…

This one is from Catie, 40, in New York. “In your opinion, how many more years ’til cable television starts airing live executions, and would you watch?”
They did! What do you think Saddam Hussein’s was? I was at a skiing resort, over Christmas and New Year’s, at a beautiful fancy dinner with people in couture and everything, and they were sitting there with laptops watching Saddam Hussein be executed. There was a real photo-op.

John Waters by Peter Krogh

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how to act, by Ian McKellen

By way of Ricky Jervais’ Extras:

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Barbaro lying in state

A state of rigor mortis, from the looks of things. Here, from the Onion and by way of David’s American Legends sports blog, is an unforgettable, moving image of a great stallion, cut down in his prime and lying in state.

Bye Bye Barbaro!

“Barbaro was a great horse, but an even better person,” said Cheryl McElroy, still visibly shaken after filing past Barbaro‘s coffin and placing a single red rose upon it. “He taught us how to triumph over adversity and how to persevere in the face of overwhelming odds. He showed us that anyone could win the Kentucky Derby if they just believed in themselves—even you or I. And he proved that people can lead perfectly normal, productive lives after breaking their long pastern bone and being diagnosed with laminitis of the left hoof.”

During the ceremony, the usually festive Churchill Downs was eerily quiet, with the only sounds in the building coming from the low rumble of muffled drums, the clacking of horses’ hooves, and a dirge-like rendition of “My Old Kentucky Home” played in a minor key by the University of Louisville marching band. As they laid his casket on the bier, Elton John performed a special version of “Candle In The Wind” rewritten to describe Barbaro‘s tragically short life.

Ashes to Alpo…

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knit tits!!!

pillows!

Take that, Stitch ‘n Bitch! Do it for charity! Liverpool Women’s Hospital in the UK is desperately short of boobies, and they’re counting on the knitters of the world to lend a hand.

The breasts are produced in a variety of skin shades.

They are used by community midwife teams to demonstrate how milk should be expressed, particularly for premature babies being kept in hospital…

Ms McFadden sourced the breast pattern from the Lactation Consultants’ Association.

She said: “You can buy model breasts, but they cost around £35 each, which is quite prohibitive, as we need about 50.”

Come on, people! Pick up your needles and bang out a boob! You may use cotton, and size doesn’t matter: no woolly mammoths required. Knit some knockers today!

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