amerikan skoolz @ work

rat race!Because Americans cannot tell time, a man’s four-day ordeal on a stationary bike is ineligible for the Guinness Book of World Records.

George Hood spent 85 hours riding a stationary bike in January, riding the equivalent of about 1,080 miles, and thought he had bested the existing record of 82.

However, Guinness World Records officials invalidated Hood‘s entry because of record-keeping errors.

About 40 volunteers took turns logging Hood‘s efforts, but they made addition and subtraction mistakes and had trouble reading a 24-hour clock, Guinness officials said.

Expect Bush to pull particulary gifted chronologists off active duty in Iraq and put them on Texas Gym Patrol.

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don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t unpack

SailorsIt seems the US military is running short of personnel…something to do with the fact that they’re running out of people who are okay with the idea of being shot at for no particularly good reason or something. But, frankly, we never thought they’d get this desperate.

Sure, they’re sending soldiers with psychoses and traumatic stress disorder back into the front lines (hey, what’s the worst that could happen?). Sure, they’ve revoked the right of discharged or retired personnel to actually refuse to be re-deployed any time up until and/or including death. They’ve sorta kinda quietly starting redeploying people, even Reservists, up to four or five times. Sure, they’ve been caught on tape lying to would-be recruits about their chances of being sent to Iraq. They’ve been caught on camera coaching recruits how to fill in the answers in selection tests. And yeah, they’re even recruiting in malls full of white people now.

But no-one thought it would come to this.

They’re calling in teh gays.

From the Stars and Stripes:

Under the military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, he was quickly discharged from the service.

But now — whether through a clerical oversight or what some claim is an unwritten change in policy to keep more gay servicemembers in the ranks at a time of war — Jason Knight is back on active duty.

Since promoted to petty officer second class, Knight is finishing a scheduled one-year tour in Kuwait with Naval Customs Battalion Bravo. And, already kicked out of the Navy once, he sees no need to hide his sexual orientation.

“I thought it was a joke at first,” he said, remembering the day he received his recall orders. “It was the ultimate kick in the ass. But then I thought, there isn’t much they can do to me they haven’t done the first time.”

It was comments by Marine Gen. Peter Pace, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, that spurred Knight to come out publicly a second time. In defending the military’s policy, Pace called homosexual acts immoral and contrary to military values.

“Though I respect [Pace] as a leader, it made me so mad,” Knight said.

“I spent four years in the Navy, buried fallen servicemembers as part of the Ceremonial Guard, served as a Hebrew Linguist in Navy Intelligence, and received awards for exemplary service,” he wrote in a letter to Stripes. “However, because I was gay, the Navy discharged me and recouped my 13k sign-on bonus. Nine months later, the Navy recalled me to active duty. Did I accept despite everything that happened? Of course I did, and I would do it again. Because I love the Navy and I love my country. And despite Pace’s opinion, my shipmates support me.”

Dear god, what a sailor! If they’d hire a few more of those and let them finish their terms without discharging them, they’da won this bloody thing by now.

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David Halberstam’s last speech

David Halberstam in Vietnam 

From, of all places, Business Week (via Gawker) we present the last speech of David Halberstam, greatest journalist of his generation and one of the immortals in a field which was pioneered by other lightweights like Jonathan Swift and Voltaire. I can’t say it any better than Business Week did, so let’s go to the article:

History, after all, was a favorite theme of this lion of American journalism. In 1955, after graduating from Harvard, Halberstam took a job at The Daily Times Leader in West Point, Miss., because he thought it would provide him an opportunity to write about race. When that didn’t work out as he had planned, Halberstam hitchhiked up to Nashville and put in an application at The Tennessean.

There, he wrote about race with a vengeance. In 1960, The New York Times lured him away. In 1964, when Halberstam was 30, he and Malcolm Browne of the Associated Press won Pulitzers for their coverage of the Vietnam War and the overthrow of the Saigon regime.

In 1967, Halberstam quit daily journalism and began writing books. Over the next 40 years he wrote 21 books covering such topics as foreign policy, civil rights, business, and sports. His 1973 classic about the Vietnam War, The Best and the Brightest, described how and why the “ablest men to serve in the government this century” turned out to be “architects of the greatest American tragedy since the Civil War.”

In 1994, The Reckoning addressed the Japanese challenge to American automakers. And in 2000 The Powers that Be tackled the rise of the American media. Halberstam’s 21st book, The Coldest Winter, a look back at the Korean War, will be released this fall. “I think it’s my best work,” he said in his Apr. 21 speech.

transcript here

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quote o’ the day: freedom of speech

Ground zero flag 

Stolen from Popbitch, here is Mark Cuban, for whom I have decidedly mixed admiration, discussing his decision to fund the distribution of Loose Change, a 9/11 conspiracy film in whose central premise he does not believe.

“I don’t believe the movie. Not at all. But I do believe that lies in the shadows are far more dangerous than lies you can confront and refute.”

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because it worked so well with Mexico

Mission Accomplished-er

Looks like Mission Accomplished is about to get a bit more Accomplished-er as the US military force takes a page from the pornopropaganda piece 300 to bring peace to shattered and splintered Baghdad by…

building a big wall.

The US military is building a three-mile concrete wall in the centre of Baghdad along the most murderous faultline between Sunni and Shia Muslims.

The wall, which recognises the reality of the hardening sectarian divide in Baghdad, is a central part of George Bush‘s final push to pacify the capital. Work began on April 10 under cover of darkness and is due for completion by the end of the month.

The highly symbolic wall has evoked comparisons to the barriers dividing Protestants and Catholics in Belfast and Israelis and Palestinians along the length of the West Bank.

And, of course, East and West Germany. You know the Americans are proud of this initiative. That “work began under cover of darkness” thing might be significant…wait, where have we heard that before? Hmmm, what do you say? Sounds to me like the missing Berlin Wall might just be in the process of being “re-purposed.”

No word on whether they’re using Persians as mortar.

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