Category Archives: Literary

killer snails on the move!

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Giant African Snails. Icky, icky poo!They are coming…

The snail made a splash as it entered the sea. To drown or to be eaten alive? the professor wondered. He was waist-deep when he stumbled, waist-deep but head under when the snail crashed down upon him, and he realized as the thousands of pairs of teeth began to gnaw at his back, that his fate was both to drown and to be chewed to death.

(Patricia Highsmith, The Quest for Blank Claveringi)

Cool!

via Fark. I have that story in an ancient and mouldy Alfred Hitchcock anthology, and an excellent and creeptastic suspense-filled read it is, too. Everyone loves to watch a bore get what’s really coming to him, no matter how long it takes to get there.

It appears if he lives in Barbados, it’s already arrived. AP reports on the invasion of Giant African snails:

A breed of giant, ravenous snails that first appeared in Barbados five years ago has thrived on the tropical island, destroying crops and prompting calls for the government to eliminate the slimy pests…

“We saw snails riding on each other’s backs and moving in clusters,” said David Walrond, chairman of the local emergency response office that organized 60 volunteers for the hunt…

Ah, but were they the hunters or the quarry, my friend? Let us hope that these comparatively peaceable, although potentially fatal and certainly voracious, snails never call upon their aquatic cousins, the deadly Cone Snails, one of the most poisonous creatures to crawl across the beslimed and horror-struck face of the planet. One message carried through the briny vastness to Rl’yeh and an army of vengence could be unleashed!

In fact, they may already be on their way, streaming towards Barbados by the thousands.

Just. Very. Slowly.

now boarding, at gate 666

imprisoned video blogger accepts award

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He's watching...Do you know the tale of Josh Wolf? He’s a video blogger who filmed people taking part in a protest and who was then ordered to turn over his footage to a Grand Jury investigating the protest. He refused, citing journalistic privilege, and promptly found out the government doesn’t consider videocasters to be journalists, at least not when it doesn’t want to. He’s currently serving his indefinite sentence in Dublin, California; he’s been told he’ll be released when the Grand Jury ends, which is projected for July of next year.

At the recent Vloggie Awards, Josh won the People’s Choice Award for Best Male Vlogger (they split these things up by gender? You’ve got to be kidding me!) and his video, All Empires Must Fall, won the Judge’s Choice Award for Most Controversal Video, which it undoubtably was. The goverment declined to let Josh out to pick up his award, figuring no doubt that someone there would surely throw a blanket over him and smuggle him offshore to some copyright-free banana republic, from whence he would fire YouTubes of such intensity that they would shake the very foundation of the nation.

Or maybe they just thought nah, fuck ‘im!

In any case, Josh‘s big day came and went with no Josh, but with a letter written from prison and read out on the podium, and here it is, although Robert Scoble had it first.

It seems like mere moments ago that I was here in this venue for blogger con. I remember telling my story about how the federal government was trying to send me to prison for refusing to turn over my unpublished material and testify in front of a grand jury for asserting that I am a journalist, and for refusing to be an agent for the government by providing intelligence to aid in an anarchist witch hunt. Some were shocked by my story, others were not surprised that the government would go to such lengths, and still others maintained disbelief, preferring to think of me as the boy who cried wolf, rather than opening themselves up to the idea that their government would do such a thing.

That weekend at vlogger con was one of the best in my life. It was euphoric getting to hang out and party with so many stellar individuals, and I am disheartened that I can only join you in sprit to tonight. I’ve always heard that the best par t of award shows are the after parties and I’m sure that it will be a rocking good time. I’ll be there for the next one.

Thanks for the awards guys. It feels good to know that I’ve been able to stir up a bit of controversy in the blogosphere and I’m touched by being awarded best male blogger.

I’d like to thank everyone who has blogged or vlogged about my situation, whether you are in agreement with what I’m doing or not, and I’d also like to thank everyone who has supported me throughout this endeavor, whether its through sending me books or letters, donating money to my legal fund or helping out with my blog, wiki or the various projects I’ve been involved with.

Thank you all and have fun tonight I’ll be out soon enough.

blogwars

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It gets ugly out here, people. This is from Greatest Living Poet, also home to the infamous Rum, Sodomy and the Lash.

Duelling bloggers

etiquette 2.0: iPod protocol

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CephaloPodWe here at the ol’ raincoaster blog are big Miss Manners fans, as you can imagine. Nothing gets our shrivelled little heart beating like a logical, clever, witty and irrefutable etiquette columnist.

So we’re a little strange.

We welcome to this rarefied sorority Margaret Mason, who, almost unique among iPodders, retains the ability to think straight while blasting James Blunt into her cerebral cortex.

Here, and not a moment too soon, are her tips for iPod etiquette.

There was a time when iPod wearers gave one another pretentious nods of solidarity. Once, users offered strangers a chance to “jack in” by handing over a single earbud for a few moments of music sampling.

Though it takes a special sort of person to miss the “Want this? It was in my ear” era, all of us have proven adept at finding new ways to annoy one another with mp3 players. Here are some basic guidelines for enjoying your music without sacrificing your manners.
Consider earphones a social cue.
Wearing earphones is like hanging a “do not disturb” sign off your nose. Like an engrossing novel, they help you avoid interactions with annoying strangers on airplanes or subways. Unfortunately, they send the same go-away message at work. That’s useful if you wear them only when you’re on deadline, but your iPod is more likely to irritate co-workers if you hide behind it eight hours a day. Which brings us to the next point…

Respect no-Pod zones.
Mp3 players are unwelcome at weddings, funerals, and other gatherings, and also in classrooms or places of worship. This holds true even if you’re a sullen 13-year-old with inattentive parents…

Boris Johnson on webcameron

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Stole this from, obviously, webcameron, whose bizarre insistence on iTunes and other commercial players like Realplayer essentially takes what could be a community-building tool, ie video podcasts, and makes it into something that can only be accessed on an individual basis. I don’t see why they want people to put this on their iPods but not their blogs, so being me I have subverted that. (I note that the current one is embeddable, has something changed? The archives can’t be viewed this way it seems, or am I stoned on cold medicine again?)

Besides, I could use a powerful enemy. Hits are down; need a flamewar. Bring it!

UPDATE: They brung it. YouTube killed the video after the Conservative Party yelped about the fact that their message was being freely distributed across the blogosphere. Can’t have that now, can we? 

BTW to all those people who ask me who the hell Boris Johnson is, check it out; he’s the blond one at the end with the bust of Pericles and the housekeeping style incredibly reminiscent of someone you know. Also, he will show you what’s in his drawers. Anything for the party, eh? Those Tories will do anything to get elected, I’m telling you.