Category Archives: Literary

Fun with Dorks

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Because all dorks are not created equal. Lord of the Rings dorks, ferinstance, are unequal, generally being superior, particularly to the kind of dork who sees your “186,000 miles per second isn’t just a good idea: it’s the Law” Einstein t-shirt and comes over to say “Actually, it’s 186,282.397 miles per second,” and then wonders why he sleeps alone.

And if you still doubt the Bond-like coolitude of LOTR fans, you can look here, here, here, or here for proof of cred, you doubting trolls! Meanwhile, you can enjoy this stunning work of art, a video of the SandwichQuest of the Rohirrim and the Last Snack Ride of Theoden. Remember to bring a hankie for the melodramatic finale!

Comments by the Author(s) of Theoden, Horsemaster

A little movie about Theoden, King of the Mark. Theoden PlateWe made this as a little “preview” for the third installment of our Lord of the Rings Parody: Special Edition. The storyline is made all by ourselfs, we came up with the idea during Return of the King. If you like Lord of the Rings, you’ll probably like this as well. We hoped it would be a small/short movie, but as you can see it turned out to be quite different. Enjoy!

* Team Lorio *

P.S. December 17 – Happy Birthday to Bernard Hill!!!

And from the same awe-inspiring team of filmmakers, we have this, the shortest of all LOTR musicals, which features a special guest star, sure to be popular with those loyal Gilbert & Sullivan fans, our fogey contingent.

Index of the 100 science fiction books you just have to read

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DorkAt least, that’s what these people say.

Eh well, so quite a raging snotload of these books aren’t science fiction at all; it’s okay, as long as you let the fantasists claim Burroughs, Carroll and Ellison, too. Share nicely. Let us call it “A List of 100 Really Important Works of Speculative Fiction” but it can’t be the top 100, since it doesn’t contain The Lord of the Rings, ferinstance. Nor any Poe or HP Lovecraft, nor The House on the Borderland, nor any Thomas Ligotti, although I don’t expect any of you to know who that is; I think he’s imaginary. The book, were it on here, would be Songs of a Dead Dreamer.

1.  Childhood’s End Written by Arthur C. Clarke YEP
 
2.  Foundation Written by Isaac Asimov YEP
 
3.  Dune Written by Frank Herbert NOPE
 
4.  Man in the High Castle Written by Philip K. Dick YEP
 
5.  Starship Troopers Written by Robert A. Heinlein NOPE
 
6.  Valis Written by Philip K. Dick NOPE
 
7.  Frankenstein Written by Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley YEP
 
8.  Gateway Written by Frederick Pohl YEP
 
9.  Space Merchants Written by C.M. Kornbluth & Frederick Pohl YEP I think…not sure.

10.  Earth Abides Written by George R. Stewart NOPE
 
11.  Cuckoo’s Egg Written by C.J. Cherryh YEP
 
12.  Star Surgeon Written by James White NOPE
 
13.  The Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch Written by Philip K. Dick YEPPERS!
 
14.  Radix Written by A.A. Attanasio YEP
 
15.  2001: A Space Odyssey Written by Arthur C. Clarke YEP
 
16.  Ringworld Written by Larry Niven NOPE
 
17.  A Case of Conscience Written by James Blish NOPE but have read other Blish
 
18.  Last and First Man Written by Olaf Stapledon I think so
 
19.  The Day of the Triffids Written by John Wyndham YEP, all the Wyndham. The Trouble with Lichen is a bit more to the point lately, though. And of course, The Kraken Wakes, for Giant Squiddy goodness.
 
20.  Way Station Written by Clifford Simak YEP
 
21.  More Than Human Written by Theodore Sturgeon YEP
 
22.  Gray Lensman Written by E. E. “Doc” Smith I THINK SO
 
23.  The Gods Themselves Written by Isaac Asimov YEP
 
24.  The Left Hand of Darkness Written by Ursula K. Le Guin YEP
 
25.  Behold the Man Written by Michael Moorcock YEP

26.  Star Maker Written by Olaf Stapledon NOPE
 
27.  The War of the Worlds Written by H.G. Wells YEP
 
28.  20,000 Leagues Under the Sea Written by Jules Verne YEP, luv me some Verne
 
29.  Heritage of Hastur Written by Marion Zimmer Bradley NOPE: She wrote Chtulhu Mythos tales? Howcum nobody told ol’ raincoaster, eh? What do you think the Comments button is there for, eh? EH?
 
30.  The Time Machine Written by H.G. Wells YEP LOVE ME SOME WELLS, TOO
 
31.  The Stars My Destination Written by Alfred Bester YEP
 
32.  Slan Written by A.E. Van Vogt NOPE but read some other stuff
 
33.  Neuromancer Written by William Gibson YEP and met him repeatedly; such a sweet guy. I was in Book Warehouse one day and saw him browsing the SciFi section. Took a quick look, and no Gibson. I caught his eye and said, “They must have sold out.”
 
34.  Ender’s Game Written by Orson Scott Card YEP
 
35.  In Conquest Born Written by C.S. Friedman NOPE
 
36.  Lord of Light Written by Roger Zelazny NOPE Can’t stand the bugger, actually
 
37.  Eon Written by Greg Bear NOPE
 
38.  Dragonflight Written by Anne McCaffrey NOPE
 
39.  Journey to the Center of the Earth Written by Jules Verne YEP
 
40.  Stranger in a Strange Land Written by Robert Heinlein YEP, adequate
 
41.  Cosm Written by Gregory Benford NOPE
 
42.  The Voyage of the Space Beagle Written by A.E. Van Vogt NOPE
 
43.  Blood Music Written by Greg Bear NOPE
 
44.  Beggars in Spain Written by Nancy Kress NOPE
 
45.  Omnivore Written by Piers Anthony NOPE
 
46.  I, Robot Written by Isaac Asimov YEP
 
47.  Mission of Gravity Written by Hal Clement NOPE
 
48.  To Your Scattered Bodies Go Written by Philip Jose Farmer YEP, although I cannot say he’s the greatest prose stylist the universe has ever seen.
 
49. Brave New World Written by Aldous Huxley YEP; it is slowly becoming nonfiction. E, anyone?
 
50.  The Man Who Folded Himself Written by David Gerrold YES
 
51.  1984 Written by George Orwell YES; also becoming nonfiction, although only in the US so far
 
52.  The Strange Case of Dr. Jeckyl And Mr. Hyde Written by Robert Louis Stevenson YEP but I agree with his wife that Markheim was superior.
 
53.  Snow Crash Written by Neal Stephenson YEP
 
54.  Flesh Written by Philip Jose Farmer NOPE
 
55.  Cities in Flight Written by James Blish NOPE
 
56.  Shadow of the Torturer Written by Gene Wolfe NOPE
 
57.  Startide Rising Written by David Brin NOPE
 
58.  Triton Written by Samuel R. Delany NOPE but have read other stuff
 
59.  Stand on Zanzibar Written by John Brunner NOPE
 
60.  A Clockwork Orange Written by Anthony Burgess NOPE
 
61.  Fahrenheit 451 Written by Ray Bradbury YEP
 
62.  A Canticle For Leibowitz Written by Walter Miller NOPE but I have heard so much about it that I damn well should.
 
63.  Flowers for Algernon Written by Daniel Keyes NOPE
 
64.  No Blade of Grass Written by John Christopher NOPE
 
65.  The Postman Written by David Brin NOPE
 
66.  Dhalgren Written by Samuel Delany NOPE
 
67.  Berserker Written by Fred Saberhagen NOPE although it sounds familiar. Then again, maybe that’s because of the crowd I hang out with?
 
68.  Flatland Written by Edwin Abbot YEP; it should really be published on a single sheet of paper, don’t you think?
 
69.  Planiverse Written by A.K. Dewdney NOPE
 
70.  Dragon’s Egg Written by Robert L. Forward NOPE
 
71.  Downbelow Station Written by C.J. Cherryh NOPE
 
72.  Dawn Written by Octavia E. Butler YEP
 
73.  Puppet Masters Written by Robert Heinlein YEP one of his better works
 
74.  The Doomsday Book Written by Connie Willis NOPE
 
75.  Forever War Written by Joe Haldeman NOT SURE
 
76.  Deathbird Stories Written by Harlan Ellison YEP, own several copies actually. The Whimper of Whipped Dogs isn’t becoming nonfiction; it never was fiction.
 
77.  Roadside Picnic Written by Boris Strugatsky & Arkady Strugatsky NOPE

78.  The Snow Queen Written by Joan Vinge YEP
 
79.  The Martian Chronicles Written by Ray Bradbury YEP
 
80.  Drowned World Written by J.G. Ballard NOPE
 
81.  Cat’s Cradle Written by Kurt Vonnegut NOPE
 
82.  Red Mars Written by Kim Stanley Robinson NOPE
 
83.  Upanishads Written by Various NOT WHOLLY
 
84.  Alice in Wonderland Written by Lewis Carroll YEP and have the original illustrations too
 
85.  Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Written by Douglas Adams NOPE AND QUIT BUGGING ME ABOUT IT, OKAY?
 
86.  The Lathe of Heaven Written by Ursula K. Le Guin NOPE
 
87.  The Midwich Cuckoos Written by John Wyndham YEP

88.  Mutant Written by Henry Kuttner YEP, loved it!
 
89.  Solaris Written by Stanislaw Lem NOPE
 
90.  Ralph 124C41+ Written by Hugo Gernsback NOPE
 
91.  I Am Legend Written by Richard Matheson YEP
 
92.  Timescape Written by Gregory Benford NOPE
 
93.  The Demolished Man Written by Alfred Bester NOPE
 
94.  War with the Newts Written by Karl Kapek NOPE
 
95.  Mars Written by Ben Bova YEP I think, but not totally sure
 
96.  Brain Wave Written by Poul Anderson NOPE
 
97.  Hyperion Written by Dan Simmons NOPE, but he was a great horse.
 
98.  The Andromeda Strain Written by Michael Crichton YEP, Crichton isn’t as bad as they say, actually. Or wasn’t.
 
99.  Camp Concentration Written by Thomas Disch NOPE but have read plenty of other stuff
 
100.  A Princess of Mars Written by Edgar Rice Burroughs YEP
 

search me

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Which I only use as a title because it is such a cheap and easy pun. When I actually used that expression in speech (mostly back before puberty) I always thought it was “Certs me” and, indeed, it makes no less sense that way than most things we learned from the grownups.

In any case, for sociological research purposes, here is a list of things people have searched for to get to my blog over the past couple of days. Read ’em and … make puzzled expressions as you try to find meaning in a meaningless univer…oh, never mind. I’ve been reading too much French literature lately. You wil note: no squid. And I wonder if the evidently excited person looking for “COWBOY MEAT” was, in fact, hoping for screencaps of Brokeback Mountain.

———————————————————
Kira hirsuta
COWBOY MEAT
roll up the rim founder at quebec
Gay Famous People
School spankin
phoebe cates
——————–
“roll-up-the-rim” jerome
raincoaster
Steven page cowichan sweater
Luna orca
tim hortons roll up the wil to win
correct douching
NARNIA porno

Questionable taste

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One has to wonder, one does, about the person who came to my blog (er, so to speak) through a search engine inquiry “Narnia porn.”

May Aslan have mercy on your soul. You fucking perv.

Conceited: When good metaphors happen to bad writers

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Demotivators Humiliation

Oh. My. God.

And in The Guardian, no less.

And, apparently, no more. Please god, no more.

Car-crash lives: are they accident or conspiracy? Some lives are car crashes waiting to happen. Then the car crash does happen and the big question is: conspiracy or accident? It was a shocking breach of precedent so it had to be an accident. Mr Berlusconi… rarely moves without an airbag to protect him from dire consequences. If only Mr Mills had courted airbags instead of being one. The car he crashed while fleeing the press without cleaning his windscreen would have been spared…Ill-founded self-belief is the heartbeat of the car-crash life. Recklessness is the blood in its veins and its every breath gasps it’s not my fault

That’s right; there’s no period, no italics, nuttin’. I had no idea that the war had so severely hit the UK; rationing is back, and apparently being applied to punctuation as well as produce. The author then proceeds to drag in the brother of the Sultan of Brunei, some hapless veterinarian who had a meltdown last week, and Princess Diana. Tasteful. And totally, totally on-topic.

One glaring flaw in the British educational system is that it gives people a solid grounding in advanced literary technique. Unfortunately, this seems to act as some kind of encouragement to them, instead of a warning. If nobody has been able to make it work since the time of Cromwell, chances are that the person who can make it work is not you. It is certainly not Barbara Toner.

John Donne, we hardly knew ye.