God, the PANDERING I do! I hope you people bloody well appreciate it; I’m allergic to cats! Just look at that terrifying little bastard; why, he’s just crouched there waiting till you pass out, whereupon he will gnaw upon your senseless body patiently, irrevocably, until he has consumed every morsel.
We’ve been on an Amy Winehouse kick lately (and yes, are consequently in desperate need of a de-lousing, even though only one apartment in my building is reported to have insect-y kind of vermin), so here’s a wicked-good mashup: Crazy Little Thing Called Love and Rehab. It’s bad when looking at pictures of a healthy woman makes people think of death, but I defy you to watch this and not think about what she looks like now. The saline implants are probably the healthiest part of her; anyone else wondering if she went off to her Caribbean retreat specifically so she could get healthy enough a doctor would operate on her? Going through rehab to get a pair of new tits: yes, welcome to the 21st Century. Here’s your six-inch miniskirt, here’s your coke, here’s your fake tan, and here are your tattoos. You now look like a homeless hooker from 1968; in fact, if you’re anything like Amy here, you probably look like the same age, too.
Sew What are you saying?
Oh, sure, maybe he’s not a Muslin, but American President Barack Obama is a man with a shady past. Just check out his autobiography; whole MONTHS of his childhood are unaccounted-for. Well, we here at the ol’ raincoaster blog have dug deep, connected every connection, and yanked every chain in our unceasing hunt for The Troof! and now, here it is: video proof of Barack Obama‘s lifelong loyalty to perhaps the greatest enemy Peace on Earth has ever faced:
The Cthuloid Cabazon Floyd; now it all makes so much sense!
Many warnings have we uttered. Many Cassandra-like cries have we cried to the oblivious masses. Not once, not twice, nay, not even thrice have we attempted to spread the truth about these malevolent, trembling mole-rats. We have shouted from the rooftops and twittered from the back alleys yea unto an thousandtimes, but have ye listened?
The Hell ye have.
we must strike back in the daytime, while they are trapped in purses around the globe
Let me give it to you straight, people: Chihuahuas are not simply evil, snappish, inbred yap machines, they are the spawn of the Great Old Ones themselves, come to Earth to subjugate mankind.
And from the neurasthenic, snappish comments on this Gawker post, they seem largely to have succeeded.
The woman dropped off 33 chihuahuas on Wednesday and nine more on Thursday morning. One of the chihuahuas gave birth to a puppy on Thursday, bringing the total to 43. All but six of the dogs are under the age of two…
and all but two of them needed spaying/neutering, and, in true Cthulhuonic fashion, they were deeply inbred, with all the revolting mental and physical deformities that go with that unspeakable aberration. But, right, I already TOLD you they were Chihuahuas. What’s most alarming is the number of commenters to whom the same descriptors can be applied.
You rarely see Rottweiler people getting pissy about people who don’t like Rotties. When was the last time you saw some undersexed, overmedicated chainsmoker screaming at someone because that person said their Labrador was “not a dog” eh? EH? The Labrador, you see, is a dog, as is the Rottie. As are the mutts at the pound, and the surly curs of Cairo back alleys, but as are not the tiny, fanged demons known as Cthihuahuas. They have obviously infiltrated the minds of the unwary, or the weak, and seized control
Long have we known, but been unable to prove to the doubters (a situation with which this far-ahead-of-its-time-and-incidentally-overhyphenated blog is all-too-familiar). Now, finally, from a remote Antipodean outpost not terribly far from the last reported sighting of The Great Cthulhu comes photo proof:
CthiCthuaCthua KNEEL DOWN AND WORSHIP, BITCHES!!
I mean, my old VHS tapes don’t mean anything to me, but they obviously must to somebody, if only the guys who lost out at Betamax. Seriously, this is the world’s greatest idea since my Meth Heads Cleaning Service idea: I get my old trash removed and somebody somewhere gets a wish out of the deal.
raincoaster 