Samuel L. Jackson’s past as a Junior Hockey coach

Not many non-Canadians know, but Junior Hockey is the bloodiest. Oh, there may be less blood on the ice, but there is far more in the stands and in the parking lot. My parents, for instance, who, having two figure skating daughters, had no particular interest in junior excuse me Junior Hockey, still went out to every game. And why?

Because they were fight fans, and they watched the stands.

Hockey parents are notoriously bloodthirsty. If William Wallace were building an army now, he would choose from the stands of Junior Hockey and be assured of the bloodthirstiness of his crew. And, in Samuel L. Jackson, this crowd has at last met its match in a coach that will say, “Fuck your pussy son’s bench-warming ass, I am playing Lucifer and Fang on defence and there is fuckall he or you or any creature in Creation can do about it, you motherfucking minivan-driver!”

Can I get an “Amen!”?

Beaver Shots: Harrison Ford loves old Canadian Beaver

Our serial killers are prettier

It’s true, and who can blame him?

Grizzled heartthrob of the Pacemaker set Harrison Ford has admitted in an interview with David Letterman that there is nothing he likes better than grabbing the stick, taking control of his favorite Canadian Beaver (vintage ’59) and heading into the bush. He likes it in the rough.

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Surfwise, Livedumb

I’ve been waiting for this to hit YouTube: the trailer for a documentary of an archetypal American character, the freewheeling intellectual.

As a somewhat freewheeling intellectual myself, I feel no hesitation at saying that Dorian “Doc” Paskowitz was a completely self-centered man who confused hedonism with enlightenment and whose pathalogical need to be “different” rendered him incapable of being free. The most humbling truth apparent in this biographical film is this: that voluntary subjugation to the tyranny of doctrinaire antiestablishmentarianism should not be mistaken for intellectual triumph or self-determinism. It is fascism.

Now, enjoy your surf movie! Hippies in a bus = good times!

Right?

Here is the much prettier official statement:

Like many American outsider-adventurers, Dorian “Doc” Paskowitz set out to realize a utopian dream. Abandoning a successful medical practice, he sought self-fulfillment by taking up the nomadic life of a surfer. But unlike other American searchers like Thoreau or Kerouac, Paskowitz took his wife and nine children along for the ride, all eleven of them living in a 24 foot camper. Together, they lived a life that would be unfathomable to most, but enviable to anyone who ever relinquished their dreams to a straight job. The Paskowitz Family proved that America may be running out of frontiers, but it hasn’t run out of frontiersman.

quiz: which Lord of the Rings character are you?

I could have sworn I got Saruman on this before, not FroFuckingDo. Stolen from Aragorn.

Which Character from Lord of the Rings are you?
created with QuizFarm.com
You scored as Gandalf

Aragorn
83%
Gandalf
83%
Eomer
80%
Sam
80%
Sauron
77%
Gimli
73%
Frodo
73%
Boromir
67%
Gollum
63%
Saruman
60%
Legolas
60%
Pippin
57%
Merry
53%
Elrond
47%

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull trailer

You must contain yourself when watching this video, which I stole from Gawker, but only up to the point at which you see the shadow of the fedora. At that point, you may begin screaming uncontrollably or muttering “drat that Jones! I’ll foil him yet,” as you prefer. Behold the greatness which is Doctor Henry Jones, Junior

Did I mention I still have that hat, the coolest in all creation, which I bought on the last day Woodwards was open? Yes, an official Indiana Jones hat from Stetson, I think it was, though the original was Herbie Jones, which I of course and naturally cannot afford; the information printed inside has long since been worn away and the hat has become battered, faded and stained in propa Indy manner. It was once splashed by an Orca on the rocks near Not-Ucluelet. This is what you call adventure cred, my friends. My hat has more than most actual people.

Indiana Jones hat, the real thing

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