Oh, why did I not find this heartwarming seasonal slideshow in time for Christmas last year? Alas, it is too late to make it part of my past traditions, but there’s no reason not to post it now and make viewing it a yearly thing from this point forward. It really sets the perfect tone for the celebration of The Saviour‘s glorious birth, with its joyous celebration of family life, Charlie Brown, seasonally appropriate decorating schemes, and steak knives.

A little background:

Amelia:
(Written by Richard Matheson, based on his short story Prey)

Amelia is a single working woman who lives in a high rise in the big city. She has just arrived home for the day with a gift for a man she’s been seeing…it’s a genuine Zuni hunting fetish doll.

Packaged with the doll is a scroll which reads “he who kills…he is a deadly hunter.” He who kills…he is a deadly hunter…

Naturally, the moral leaning of one’s Zuni fetish doll is an important factor in that whole sleeping-peacefully-at-night-versus-lying-awake-screaming thang, and we at the ol’ raincoaster blog have located a handy-dandy test to determine the evil-ality of your ventriloquist dummy once and for all. Presumably, like a virus scanner that detects attacks on IE but ALSO on email, it will also determine the malevolentosity of your Zuni Fetish or Tiki doll as well. At least, we’ve found no reports to the contrary.

From the Tiki Central Forums:

1.Make a large, roaring fire.

2.Within earshot of the doll say “Well, I think it’s about time I get rid of this ventriloquist doll … it’s not doing me any good no more”.

3.Pick up the doll and say “I think this will burn up real good in the fire”

4.Walk towards the fire.

5.Make like you’re going to throw the doll into the fire on the count of 3.

At this point, if your doll is evil, you’ll feel a bite on your arm, or a punch, or some other violent reaction. The doll will try to get out of your grasp, and, if successful, will run away, most likely with an evil cackle out of it’s smiling mouth. Be careful … he’s not fleeing from you; he’s only looking for a place to hide in order to attack you later.

If nothing happens, your doll is probably not evil. You now have 2 choices: Throw it into the fire anyway, or put it away. Warning: If you do not throw the doll in the fire, it is suggested that you take a knife with you to bed. It’s possible the doll IS evil but knew you were testing it, and is waiting for you to go to sleep before attempting to strangle you.

~Hanford

Tiki Socialite purple jade, however, raises a disturbing point.

This is a moot argument…everyone knows all ventriloquist’s dummies are evil, as are their cousins, clowns.

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