NiggaKnow Technology has reviewed the latest from Segway, with predictably hair-on-the-walls results. And I say more power to them; the Segway is a self-indulgent, expensive, purposeless piece of turdblossom whose only justification for existence is the undeniable fact that some people are just too damn rich and lazy to operate their own feet. The moment it was announced I pronounced it DOA, and in this I have been proven right. It’s been on PR life support ever since, while Dean Kamen has been holed up, frantically trying to produce something that either A) improves the world we live in or B) entertains enough people that they forgive him the relentless Segway hype. Perhaps a robot that runs on recycled plastic and costs five dollars to build and employs people in Katrina-devastated territory and Darfur might about do it, but only if it could also pratfall on command like Chevy Chase.

Let’s go to the Motherfucking Transcript, shall we?

Segway got a new line of they faggot nerd bikes that will allow white people to bend side to side when they decide they want to turn left or right. That’s it, that’s the big motherfucking innovation. White people twisting they selves on a straight up gay scooter with they silly ass helmets on trying to take they ass to work so they can tell they bosses how much they love all they motherfucking stupid suggestions and ideas for 12 like hours, skip lunch, and get fatter eating 15,000 calories worth of oreos in they motherfucking cubicles. That shit ain’t new, The real Segway news come into play when you look at they site.

But where’s the race angle?

So I read about they new pillow biting ass nerd chariots and went to they site. I’m like 15 pages deep in white motherfucker marketing bullshit and I notice that they trying to correct the mistakes of the past by actually popping some black people up on they bitch made brochure looking site. How many? Two, and they even got security guard uniforms.

This motherfucker right here got that real white agenda illustrated to the ultimate. Not only do they got another black security guard, in a motherfucking empty secluded ass parking deck, on one them faggot nerd bikes.. but the nigga is PEEPING OUT on a motherfucking MINIVAN.

I mean what the fuck kind of white deception bullshit is that? How the fuck you gonna tell me that niggas be casing motherfucking MINI-VANS while rolling on one of those nerd bikes. I mean that shit is motherfucking boganza, but for some god damn reason it makes sense in they little white heads. I mean, if a nigga gonna roll on that faggot ass 5 grand nerd bike, then they may as well be chopping mini-vans. Its like Segway telling motherfuckers that black people down with quilting bees and motherfucking ovaltine when they could take time out they busy schedule of robbing Chevettes and Volvos.