Before you start hatin’ on my amazing-like spelling powers, click to view. Otherwise both I and the Scottish falsetto sock puppets will make fun of you. And the Doctor will be very disappointed in you as well.
And nobody wants that to happen, do they?
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Click to enlarge: if only the actual book were so easy to read!
Here, ladies and gentlemen, with the permission of the publisher Robert Chaplin, is the entire text of the smallest book ever produced, Teeny Ted from Turnip Town. The book was produced in association with nanotechnologists Dr. Li Yang and Dr. Karen L. Kavanagh from Simon Fraser University, and is so small that when you look at the plain sheet of polished silicon on which it is carved, you cannot see anything but the scratches laid down by the point of a diamond so that the electron microscope can navigate. That is the huge rut in the image above; the finest scratch visible to the naked eye. The eye does not register this thirty-page book, even as a tiny speck. It is an invisibook, unless, that is, one happens to be carrying in one’s book bag a scanning electron microscope, which possibility we at the ol’ raincoaster blog are not prepared to deny on a categorical or any other basis. We know our readers are a tricksy bunch, yo.
Teeny Ted from Turnip Town is a tale of triumph, a story of success. Ted grows the biggest turnip; Ted wins the Biggest Turnip contest.
Ah, if only life were that simple.
Chaplin points out, rightly, that we do not know the mysterious Ted‘s back story; we don’t know if he poisoned the other turnips, if he’s obsessed with size because he’s so short, or if winning the prize won him the heart of his true love. Back story be damned! Ted grows the biggest turnip, Ted wins the contest.
End of story.
The book is available from the publisher (contact him here) in a limited edition of one hundred copies, for $20,000. As it can be read only by those who can afford to have a spare scanning electron microscope lying around, price should be no object.
Suggested additional reading: Leaf by Niggle, by JRR Tolkien.
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For immediate release: see also World’s Tiniest Press Release below
What: The Shebeen Club : Teeny Tome, Living Large!
When: 7-9pm, Tuesday, April 17 (3rd Tuesday of each month)
Where: The Shebeen, behind the Irish Heather, 217 Carrall Street in Gastown
Why: Celebrate Shebeen Alumnus Robert Chaplin‘s publication of the World’s Smallest Book: Teeny Ted from Turnip Town!
Who: Contact lorraine.murphy at gmail.com for more information
How(much)? $15 includes dinner and a drink
This Month: Teeny tomes loom large lately. This week, the literary world welcomed its smallest member, as nanoscientists Li Yang and Karen Kavanagh from Simon Fraser University, together with independent Vancouver publisher Robert Chaplin and author Malcolm Douglas Chaplin, presented their minimasterpiece: Teeny Ted from Turnip Town. At 0.07 by 0.10 millimetres, it’s so small you’d need an electron microscope to read it; at thirty pages, it’s still pretty substantial for a dream book about a turnip tale. Small but perfectly formed, this book has made headlines around the world.
The Shebeen Club will celebrate this ironically monumental moment with readings, door prizes and a writing challenge, all specially miniturized for the occasion. Dinner, however, will be oversized as usual at the Shebeen.
Dress code: miniskirts or skinny ties, but please, no thongs.
The Procedure: Sink into a warm velvet banquette and enjoy our programme: your basic meet-and-mingle from 7-7:30, followed by a riveting, yet brief presentation, followed by Q&A and then breaking up into casual groups for wandering, boozy reminiscences of the time you snubbed Jay McInerney in the airport. A fine dinner of bangers and mash or vegetarian pasta from the kitchen of the Irish Heather, plus one glass of wine, beer or pop are included in the $15.
For more information, contact: Lorraine Murphy, raincoaster media ltd www.shebeenclub.com or lorraine.murphy at gmail.com
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It seems that plugging a live electrical cord into a hydrogen tank is not the wisest course of action, although why we should expect wise courses of action from the man who makes Gerald Ford look intellectual and Donald Duck look diplomatic is beyond me.
Also, quote of the day!
“I just thought, ‘Oh my goodness!’ So, I started walking faster, and the President walked faster and he got to the cord before I did. I violated all the protocols. I touched the President. I grabbed his arm and I moved him up to the front,” Mulally said. “I wanted the president to make sure he plugged into the electricity, not into the hydrogen This is all off the record, right?”
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raincoaster 