We have been slacking kittens, but we’re here now. It’s Christmas Eve, also known as Justin Trudeau Eve, traditionally celebrated throughout the nation by doing shots of Sortilège maple whisky. He’s a Christmas baby, you see. The story is that Christmas Eve 1971 Margaret Trudeau, who was and probably still is a bit of a Christmas nut, and was additionally nine months pregnant, wanted to go to Midnight Mass. Her husband was all “meh, nope”, so he called John Turner and asked him and his wife to take her, which they did. And had to make an abrupt exit when Justin Trudeau began to make his entrance.
If the story isn’t true, please don’t tell me. It’s a great story.
They just got their covid test results.
Speaking of completely real and spontaneous traditions, our briefing bingo today is named after the Bela Lugosi film Mark of the Vampire, a definite non-classic that even Lugosi didn’t like. But it did have some snazzy still photos, as you can see.
Our video is here:
Prime Minister Justin Trudeau addresses Canadians from outside his home in Ottawa on the federal government’s response to the ongoing COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic. He also discusses Health Canada’s approval of Moderna’s COVID-19 vaccine. This is the second COVID-19 vaccine to be approved for use in Canada, following the regulatory approval of the Pfizer-BioNTech vaccine on December 9. The prime minister announces that Canada will receive an additional 250,000 doses of the Pfizer vaccine in January. A total of 1.2 million doses from both Pfizer and Moderna will arrive in Canada by January 31, 2021. The federal government is committing an additional $70 million to the Canadian Red Cross to support its COVID-19 work. Trudeau also announces that Vice-Admiral Art McDonald, currently the commander of the Royal Canadian Navy, will be appointed to replace General Jonathan Vance as Canada’s chief of the defence staff. The prime minister also confirms that Canada’s suspension of passenger flights from the United Kingdom will be extended for two weeks until January 6 amid concerns about the spread of the new variant of COVID-19.
and all of our other Covid Briefing Bingos are on the category page.
One day I’ll make a new card (with an entire column of “Every step of the way”) but that day? Is not this day. It’s Christmas Eve. I’ve got fruitcake to buy! And eat!
Fun fact: last night at midnight I was on Twitter bitching about being down to my last four dollars and having a craving for fruitcake, which I lurve, but which is always, always more than four dollars. And someone I’ve never met in my life sent me fifty bucks to my Paypal for the best goddamn fruitcake Ottawa can provide. Except now we’re in lockdown and I can’t go fruitcake browsing.
Good afternoon, kittens. Today’s briefing bingo was done live on Twitter, and laterblogged here because of internet speed-related technical difficulties.
Our briefing bingo for today is named after the Bela Lugosi film “How to Handle Women.” Given that audiences for his live appearances were 90% female, and that he had five wives, we can conclude that Bela not only could Get It, but could most probably Handle It as well.
Speaking of handling things, it’s the Justin Trudeau hour:
Prime Minister Justin Trudeau addresses Canadians from outside his home in Ottawa on the federal government’s response to the ongoing COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic.
And I note that the other federal officials are also doing a briefing today. Some day I might be arsed to cover more than one briefing in a day, but that day? Is not this day, kittens.
Not today, kittens.
Linus and Matt Gleason know all about Ottawa
And me without coffee. I. Can’t. Even. Nothing, kittens, nothing is sacred anymore.
This whole briefing has undercurrents of frustration, alienation, and impending retribution, because (spoiler: not just because it’s 2020!):
Yeah, I'm pretty peeved at them myself. They've stopped my CRB benefits, demanded documentation (faxed in, can you believe it), and say it'll take roughly 4 weeks to evaluate them. Meanwhile, no CRB for me at all. I had to apply for welfare.
Of course, we know that NOBODY ever gets fired in Ottawa, no matter how bad the fuckup.
“That letter” being the letter than many Canadians received telling them that they had to repay their CERB benefits “by January 1, 2021”. I did not receive this letter, although when I tried to sign in to get my CRB benefits again (the dog-sitting biz is still quite thoroughly en toilette) I did get notified that my benefits are frozen, and that I needed to provide documentation proving I qualify, and further, that I needed to provide that documentation by fax. The message helpfully noted that there are many free online services that will convert photos/scans to fax, and this is true, but literally none of them will convert and fax the 49 pages of proof I needed. Just another example of the government demanding, in a perfectly reasonable tone of voice, something which is literally impossible for many desperate people to provide.
Good morning, kittens! We’re ready, coffee by our sides (well, my side. I’m always on my side. I dunno about you) for today’s Covid Briefing Bingo. I could have pre-blogged all of this pre-amble last night, but I had a Zoom meeting at 9am and said fuckit. So, here we are.
—Ralph Waldo Emerson, Essays, First Series 1841 via LinusQuotes.Tumblr.Com
And our briefing bingo today is brought to you by the 1920 German silent film The Devil Worshippers, starring Bela Lugosi. I thought “The Covid Briefing Bingo Worshippers” was better than “The Devil Covid Briefing Bingo”, for marketing purposes. Which, I may be wrong about that. And Die Covid Briefing Bingo Teufelsanbeter was a no-go from the very beginning. That dog just would not hunt.
Fun fact: I did some A/B testing, and thumbnails which feature a pic from a Bela Lugosi movie outpull thumbnails which feature a picture of Justin Trudeau. I’d have lost a bet, but then as I’m always saying, Bela Could Get It.
Now, here are your bingo cards. I’ll try and get the next one done soon. I just bought a pound of Starbucks beans, I might have the energy to get this out before the next briefing!
Here we are again, at the quite civilized hour of slightly after 4:30pm, and while I feel the Covidian ennui which shall forever scar this year in memory, I also feel seen. They finally moved the briefing to a time I won’t sleep through it. Although it doesn’t mean I feel less than zombie-like. It is 2020, after all. Vitality would be positively inappropriate!
I am but a child of my time, as was the Prince of Denmark. He was VERY 2020, was Hamlet.
Today’s briefing bingo is brought to you by the Bela Lugosi movie White Zombie, and it’s a cracking good ‘un! The very first Zombie movie ever, and still one of the best. The sound effects of the scene in the sugar mill alone will chill you to the core. The heroine is a complete dip, it must be admitted, and so is the hero for the first third of the film, But so were most people back then. The acting is very good indeed, with multiple memorable characters and the direction and script top notch.
From the YouTube notes: The first zombie film… ever! Bela Lugosi stars, in arguably his best performance next to Dracula, as Murder Legendre, voodoo master and keeper of the undead. Madge Bellamy, Robert Frazer, John Harron and Joseph Cawthorn co-star. Directed by Victor Halperin. Followed by the Lugosi-less “Revolt Of The Zombies” (1936). The film “White Zombie” and related promotional materials are public domain.
And for those who are still playing, rather than merely reading these commentaries, here are your game cards:
and all of our other Covid Briefing Bingos are on the category page.
And our zombie-less (unless you count jaded civil servants in the background) CPAC video, which YouTube tells me currently has 107 viewers staring haplessly at a desk, an empty chair, and a row of carefully arranged Canadian flags.
Prime Minister Justin Trudeau speaks with reporters on Parliament Hill following his virtual meeting with Canada’s first ministers. Health transfers and vaccine distribution were on top of the agenda. The prime minister also provides an update on the federal government’s response to the COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic. He is joined by Intergovernmental Affairs Minister Dominic LeBlanc, as well as Dr. Theresa Tam, Canada’s chief public health officer, and Major-General Dany Fortin, vice-president of logistics and operations at the Public Health Agency of Canada and head of the country’s vaccine distribution efforts. Health Canada announced the previous day that it had approved Pfizer-BioNTech’s COVID-19 vaccine and Canada’s first shipment of doses is expected to arrive the week of December 14. An initial batch of up to 249,000 doses will arrive before the end of 2020.
Shout-out to the reporter reading an actual, physical newspaper while waiting for the briefing. Way to fly the flag!
Good evening, kittens. We would have been here for you in the morning if only the government website had shown today’s briefing on Trudeau’s schedule at 4am, which it did not. We checked. We checked at 4am, we mean, not that the briefing was at 4am, although they all look like morning people to me. We wouldn’t put it past them.
We are trying, my friends, trying hard not to take it personally, and we’d like to thank the person in Hamilton who called a wrong number and woke us up in time to do the briefing, but as we did not know it was happening, we simply cursed Hamiltonians generally and went back to sleep.
Old and Dull: what we perceive is reality. New and Shiny: what we perceive is hyperreality. Woke and Broke: I can't even tell what level of reality I'm doubting right now.
But we are here, now, adequately caffeinated and with a cup of tea by our side (second person plural, singular side; we are all on the same side now, aren’t we?). Mango green tea, to be specific, because we have to be specific, because we have a word count to hit,
We are Professionals.
Yeah Bela could get it.
Today’s briefing is named after the 1918 Bela Lugosi film The Picture of Dorian Gray, a Hungarian adaptation of the original English. Oscar Wilde had only been dead 18 years at that point, which is rather mind-boggling if you think about it. That would put him at 2002 relative to right now. History is freaky, kittens. History, my friends, is a total mindfuck.
Bela played Arisztid Olt, who was Lord Henry Wotton in the original version, and a perfect character for a character actor like Bela.
Lord Henry is a man possessed of “wrong, fascinating, poisonous, delightful theories.” He is a charming talker, a famous wit, and a brilliant intellect. Given the seductive way in which he leads conversation, it is little wonder that Dorian falls under his spell so completely. Lord Henry’s theories are radical; they aim to shock and purposefully attempt to topple established, untested, or conventional notions of truth. In the end, however, they prove naïve, and Lord Henry himself fails to realize the implications of most of what he says.
We ARE in a mood lately, aren’t we? We shall cease abusing the faint remnants of our blog readership and get to the actual briefing. Yes, I’m stalling.
Well kittens, in case any of you are playing #BriefingBingo you can mark your “Technical difficulties” square because my computer is NOT cooperating today. Stand by.
Here are your cards, including the shiny new 7th Gen card from last Friday:
and all of our other Covid Briefing Bingos are on the category page.
And here is our video, again from CPAC:
At a news conference on Parliament Hill, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau provides an update on the federal government’s response to the COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic. The prime minister is joined by Anita Anand, the federal minister of public services and procurement, Dr. Howard Njoo, Canada’s deputy chief public health officer, and Major-General Dany Fortin, the new vice president of logistics and operations at the Public Health Agency of Canada and head of the country’s vaccine distribution efforts. In his remarks, the prime minister announces that Canada has signed an agreement to receive early delivery of up to 249,000 doses of the Pfizer/BioNtech COVID-19 vaccine. The first shipment could be delivered as early as next week, contingent on Health Canada approval of the vaccine. Vaccination could begin within one or two days after delivery. These first doses will be distributed to 14 sites across the country. Canada’s agreement with Pfizer calls for up to 76 million total doses of its mRNA vaccine candidate.
And here is your Full Text of the Remarks (not including the questions from the press). Every now and then I think I could just transcribe it but A) then I wouldn’t be able to livetweet it B) the PMO staff eventually get it online within a calendar day or so C) I’m lazy af.
raincoaster 