Now, we’re informed media consumers here at the ol’ raincoaster blog. We like to think we can sniff out a planted story faster than a police dog can sniff out a suitcase full of Elmos. And the British press is to bullshit reports what Iraq is to oil imperialists; an irresistable and inexhaustable well.

But that doesn’t mean we’re not going to cover their stories. Oh no, perish the thought. Because then we’d have to do without this brazilliant piece of bullshit from, one would hazard a guess, the UK publicist of Fed-Ex (maybe the separation agreement means he gets to keep half of the publicists?). The image of a spent and sweat-sheened Britney and K-Fed taking a break from mind-boggling, 10 on the Richter Scale sex only to play a round or two of chess is just too precious and ridonkulous to pass up.

Britney, unless I’m mistaken it’s your move.

London, Nov 12: Pop singer Britney Spears’ estranged hubby Kevin Federline has reportedly threatened to go public with the couples[sic] honeymoon sex tapes if she fails to make a hefty payout to him and hand custody of their two sons.

Britney fears the raunchy footage will destroy her wholesome image [also sic, BIG sic, as Ed the Sock said, “I know strippers who can’t move like that!”] unless she caves in to his demands for a £16million payoff and custody of their children Sean Preston, one, and Jayden James, eight weeks…

“At the time the two of them were in the honeymoon stages of the relationship and couldn’t keep their hands off each other. They did nothing all day but have sex—and play the odd game of chess.

I’m killing myself here. Someone alert Bobby Fischer.