Category Archives: Religion

the HP Lovecraft drinking game

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It’s about time we had one of these, what with the party season wrapping us in its clammy and overly-accessorized embrace. Hug back with all ten tentacles and most of what’s left of your liver with this riotous party-for-one-eccentric-loner-friendly game from your good friends at Cthulhu Coffee, the go-to site for all your Cooking with Cthulhu recipe needs.

Whereas normally I’d excerpt it here, the site informs me (in a myriad whispered voices, with strangely musical pipings over a wide range, evoking visions of fantastic vistas…where was I?) that it’s never going to be updated again, so fuckit. I’m stealing this wholesale. What’s the worst that can happen? I get mysteriously offed by a swarthy and strangely misshapen sailor in an obscure foreign port?

Like we don’t all know that’s going to happen anyway.

Grab yourself a bottle of absinthe and pree-pare to par-tay!

Cthulhu himself recommends the girly drinks!

H.P. Lovecraft Drinking Game

 

Category

Drinking Rules
General Take a gulp any time that Lovecraft:

    …uses more than one adjective in a row, i.e.: “Molded by the dead brain of a hybrid nightmare, would not such a vaporous terror constitute in all loathsome truth the exquisitely, the shriekingly unnamable?” (“The Unnamable”)
    …uses a purposely vague description. (i.e. “unspeakable horror”)
    …refers to an other-worldy location. (i.e., Sarnath, Kadath in the Cold Waste, and the like. “The Dream-Quest of the Unknown Kadath” will put you under the table easily.)
    …refers to an other-worldy entity by proper name. (Remember, Cthulhu and Nyarlathotep are proper names of single entities, but Mi-Go and shoggoth are not; they are types of entities.)
    …states anything racist, sexist, fascist, or generally non-PC. This rule makes “The Horror at Red Hook” particularly nasty to get through. Don’t debate too much about what is racist or sexist, though
    … When in doubt, drink.
    …uses the “British” spelling of any word, such as “colour” or “favour”.…any time a character winds up at a temple or church.…any time a “forbidden” book is mentioned in the story. This includes De Vermis Mysteris, Unaussprechlichen Kulten, and, of course, The Necronomicon, among others.…to this we would add:any time a protagonist is shunned in townany time the following names pop up: Whateley, Marsh, Dunwich, Arkham, Miskatonic, Innsmouth, Kingsport (Kingsburyport).
Words Down your drink whenever the following words appear:

    Edrich
    Cyclopean
    Gibbering
    Squamous
    to this we would add: Rugose, Armigerous, Congeries.
Story Specific Finish your drink whenever the any of these situations occur:

    Six-foot-tall albino subterranean penguins waddle into the storyline. (“At the Mountains of Madness”)
    The protagonist discovers that he can’t blink. (“Shadow Over Innsmouth”)
    Cannibalism. (“Rats in the Walls” and “Picture in the House”)
    The storyline is repeated in brief. (“Herbert West — Re-animator”, which was released as a serial and thus had to remind readers of what happened in the previous issue.)
    Fat felines lounge about after some mean humans disappear. (“The Cats of Ulthar”)
Bonus After finishing a story, check to see if anyone in the room can still quote the opening lines to “The Call of Cthulhu” without peeking at the book. Everyone else must finish one drink for every sentence that the quoter can correctly quote.This is a good way to get your friends really, really pickled, so start memorizing… Though ideally, everyone should already be blotto enough by the end of a story to be unable to recite anything from memory.For reference, here is the opening paragraph:“The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a dark new age.”If no one can quote any part of this, then check to see if anyone can quote the famous Necronomicon rhyme. Everyone else must finish one drink if somebody correctly murmurs from memory, “That is not dead which can eternal lie, and with strange aeons even death may die.”

 

 
Cthulhu party on, dudes!

 

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pic o’ the day: Flying Spaghetti Monster holiday tree

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Part whatever in a multicultural holiday series. From the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, which has issued a call for more photos of such shockingly idolatrous and high-GI seasonal decorations. Click to enlarge; you know you want a heapin’ helpin’ of this!

FSM tree

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Flying Spaghetti Monster an imperialist plot by the military-industrial complex?

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FSM manifestation over the Persian Gulf

The rocket-like rise of the radical new religion of Pastafarianism has seemed, at times, to be a much-needed antidote to the innumerable arteriosclerotic orthodoxies which hold us helpless in their grasp. But today new footage has surfaced, footage that leads us to question all we know about the so-called scrappy little altera-faith that could.

Is the Flying Spaghetti Monster and, indeed, all of Pastafarianism, nothing more than another control-minded plot of the Cryptocracy? As this devastating footage shows, manifestations of the so-called Noodly One in the sky have been created as part of a program using C-130 American military aircraft and their so-called “Angel Defence” system. Truly, it is a shockingly Orwellian society in which we find ourselves, where even the alternative beliefs are simply those manufactured by the government to distract us from the chafing of our chains.

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the Ayn Rand Christmas Special

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Christmas Shrugged, and you would too!Wow, looks like it’s Tory Day here on the ol’ raincoaster blog. Take a snapshot; these don’t come around too often. Mostly we’re all about the nude hot-tubbing with Rage Against the Machine, making blood sacrifices to Cthulhu, and sharing pot brownies with the United Slackers of Anarchy.

We certainly are being far more inclusive than it was ever our intention to be this Yuletide season. Sure, we’ve posted Christmas on Acid, but hey, I live in Vancouver; like this pandering to the druggies is anything unusual. The Charlie Brown Kwanzaa was a bit of a stretch, it’s admitted, but if you’re gonna be un-PC, I say be un-PC all the way and damn the torpedos of all races, creeds, and colourways. Boymongoose’s Bollywood 12 Days of Christmas has a rockin’ beat that I couldn’t pass up, and the same can be said (in its own delicate Coward-ly way) for Hanukkah in Santa Monica. As for the 12 isms of Christmas, who doesn’t have a spare Nihilist or Surrealist in their circle who feels all too marginalized at this time of year?

So here I am, holding my nose and posting the synopsis for the Ayn Rand Selfish Christmas Special, from the 10 Least Successful Holiday Specials of All Time, which I found via Master Cowfish.

Ayn Rand’s A Selfish Christmas (1951)

In this hour-long radio drama, Santa struggles with the increasing demands of providing gifts for millions of spoiled, ungrateful brats across the world, until a single elf, in the engineering department of his workshop, convinces Santa to go on strike. The special ends with the entropic collapse of the civilization of takers and the spectacle of children trudging across the bitterly cold, dark tundra to offer Santa cash for his services, acknowledging at last that his genius makes the gifts — and therefore Christmas — possible. Prior to broadcast, Mutual Broadcast System executives raised objections to the radio play, noting that 56 minutes of the hour-long broadcast went to a philosophical manifesto by the elf and of the four remaining minutes, three went to a love scene between Santa and the cold, practical Mrs. Claus that was rendered into radio through the use of grunts and the shattering of several dozen whiskey tumblers. In later letters, Rand sneeringly described these executives as “anti-life.”

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Hanukkah in Santa Monica

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Again, here we are being all ecumenical-like and inclusive on the ol’ raincoaster blog. Who knew Tom Lehrer was Jewish?

John Bayless sings the classic Tom Lehrer song for Roger Englander‘s 80th birthday party at the Villa Marrina Inn in Newport RI, November 19, 2006

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