Category Archives: Religion

The Sweet Smell of Success

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Totally stole this entire thing, but since I stole it from two different sources it works out to being independently verified twice! So, yeah. So there!

America done right

 Sitting together on a train, travelling through the
Canadian Rockies,  were an American guy, a Canadian guy, a little old Greek lady,  and a young blond German girl with large breasts.
 
The Train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the American has a bright red hand print on his cheek.  No one speaks.
 
The old Greek lady thinks: The American guy must have groped the blonde in the dark and she slapped his cheek. The German girl thinks: That American guy must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped his cheek. 

The American thinks: The Canadian guy must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.
 
The Canadian thinks: I can't wait for another tunnel, just so I can smack the American again.

Slight Bitter Aftertaste

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Black and TanBen & Jerry's, no longer owned or operated by either Ben or Jerry, finally catches on to the fact that not all of their customers think a "Black & Tan" ice cream will go down smoothly.

Ben & Jerry's, the socially aware ice-cream maker, has apologised to Irish consumers for launching a new flavour evoking the worst days of British military oppression.

Black and Tans, irate customers explained, was the term for an irregular force of British ex-servicemen recruited during the Irish war of independence and renowned for their brutality, including the 1920 massacre of 12 people at a Dublin football match.

Some things are still hard to swallow after seventy-six years.

Narnia Rap Battle: The Roundup

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You’ve read the books, you’ve seen the movie, Narnia Lucy and Tumnusyou’ve heard the stories. You’re probably still hoping, somewhere in your heart of hearts, that Susan is saving herself for you.

But you have no fucking idea about the Narnia Rap Battle.

Behold:

See, once upon a time about three months ago

SNL started something. SNL! Yeah, I know!

But this thing, it went viral; all the kids were emailing.

It was outta control, yeah this thing was just wailing!

Narnia Lion the Witch and the WardrobeNBC drones found out, shut it down like a flash.

Way too late: got on YouTube, we all started to thrash.

There was LA, and Muncie, two young dudes from Chi-town.

Ain’t no point, NBC, in this “Hey, shut ’em down!”

Now Cambridge steps up; Oxford isn’t around.

C.S. Lewis, poor dead guy, spinning down in the ground.

It’s a Narnia rap, what we all want to play.

Don’t get all literal: allegory? No way.

Take a Narnia word, take a Narnia sound,

Give it harsh attitude, then you kick it around,

And that’s all it takes, just a matter of class

and if that’s not enough I’ll kick you in the ass.

Tea, motherfuckerfucker! Tea, motherfucker!

Narnia Kids Train Station

The original, Lazy Sunday, as interpreted legally and protected by Right to Satirize legislation by two eleven-year-old Chicagoans:

The West Coast response, Lazy Monday:

The Midwestern entry, Lazy Muncie. Can’t beat a dance at the Elk’s Lodge:

And finally, the UK Narnia Rap. I dunno what’s up with Oxford, but Cambridge stole a march on them, and on their home turf at that! How mortifying!

the most dangerous hairstylist known to mankind

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Now this is a hairdresser with attitude! Bruno interviews the Ramboriffic Jonathan Antin.

"I'm just a troubled, crazy fuckin' maniac…You motherfuckers in the Middle East, God help you if I ever come over there, cuz I'll take all you cocksuckers out!"

Easter Fun: Easter Turducken!

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Easter Turducken 

This is just brazilliant! I first encountered these kinds of recipes when my mother was working in Saudi Arabia. She brought back a wedding feast recipe that started with squab and ended with camel. Now Easter can have its own turducken, and we can all have a decent use to which to put Peeps.

Easter turducken

Filed under: Humor, Religion — Wordman @ 1:35 am

Most traditional holidays are syncretised perversions of even older traditions, which then get secularized into excuses to eat a whole bunch. Christmas falls, not coincidentally, close to the winter solstice, and borrows heavily from earlier winter festivals, featuring lots of gingerbread, candy canes, traditional hams and large family feasts. Thanksgiving, being largely a continuation of post-harvest feasts in Europe, has always been about eating. We have, of course, taken this to ridiculous extremes with turducken, a Thanksgiving dish prepared by…

…cramming a boneless chicken into a boneless duck, which is stuffed into a boneless turkey. Three kinds of stuffing are layered between the three kinds of meat and the monstrosity is cooked for a very long time. The end result, when cut, is a fantastic food rainbow that must be eaten to be believed.

Easter, which may or may not have been named after a pagan fertility goddess, falls conveniently close to the spring equinox, allowing the syncresis of rabbits, eggs and the rebirth of nature into a ritual about the slaughter and rebirth of God. Easter also now has been subverted into being about eating, though hasn’t yet been taken to the extremes of Thanksgiving turducken.

Until now.

Making Easter turducken is, fortunately, much easier than a traditional turducken, as it abandons all that pesky protein while fully embracing the empty carbohydrates and fat. While technically Easter turducken is a dessert and traditional turducken a main course, they should never be consumed in the same meal. That would be heresy.

As with traditional turducken, Easter turducken starts from the inside out. The core is formed with miniature Cadbury cream eggs:

And so on. Less than Five Hundred Calories Per Serving!!!!