Category Archives: Religion

Easter Celebration: Wizard of Oz Dressup Jesus!

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Because the Good Lord is a Friend of Dorothy‘s too!Friend of Dorothy

Just in time for Good Friday (what’s Saturday anyway? Good Saturday? As someone said today, it’s Easter, it’s all good) Normal Bob announces the Wizard of Oz Dress Up Jesus paper doll.

Fun for the whole family, except that humourless Aunt Bertha, you remember her: the one with the nasty pillbox hat that looks like it was crocheted from plastic shopping bags and who always buys you an acrylic sweater two sizes too small that still smells like mothballs from the St. Vincent de Paul store for your birthday. Yeah, she’ll probably see this, have a snit fit, leave early in a huff and go home to the one-bedroom apartment she shares with that rangy woman who taught phys ed at the one-room schoolhouse.

But it must be said, there is an element of the sacreligious here. I mean, tighty whities? Would Our Lord wear cheap cotton jersey Y-fronts to swaddle the Holy Gonch?

The Holy…Quadruplicity????

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The Blogosphere is marking Holy Week with one hell of a roundup. First the Judas Gospels teaser then the Da Vinci case (is that da Da Vinci case?), and finally Cthulhu peeps. Those, ladies and gentlemen, were warmups.

For this:

Pantera, Father of God...is it the one on the left?

According to some nutty religio-cryptarchaeologist, Jesus‘ real father was Pantera. Well, something had to account for their popularity, eh? Ever heard their music? Divine intervention might just do it.

This Easter is turning out to be especially grim for those who worship a virgin Jesus who was executed and then came back from the dead.

Between the outrageous heresy of the Gospel of Judas, disturbing scientific investigations of Jesus’ alleged crucifixion, mundane explanations for his miracles and the latest media circus around “The Da Vinci Code” and “Holy Blood, Holy Grail,” it was already a very bad spring for Christians.

It just got worse. A stunning new book by religious-history archeologist Dr. James A. Tabor — “The Jesus Dynasty: A New Historical Investigation of Jesus, His Royal Family, and the Birth of Christianity” — went on sale this week.

<snip>

Just as Osama bin Laden means “Osama, son of Laden,” the name Jesus bar Pantera means “Jesus, son of Pantera.”

And apparently, it’s all the fault of the bloody Germans. Well, it would be. (is xenophobia good for hits? Guess we’ll find out eh?)

God Bless the Atheists

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Black JesusThis fellow makes a holy handcart full of sense.

Even though I think the charges involved are appropriate, I support his premise that what the Evangelists are doing is on the same level. I'm just more of a bitch.

I happen to think it's illegal harassment when some dude fondles your shoulder and prays over you even when you ask him not to.

What's legal for Evangelists should be legal for Satanists

The guy asked if he could pray with me for my continued success.White Satanist, Marilyn Manson

"No thanks, bud, I'm an atheist," I told him, hoping the conversation would end there…he placed one hand on my shoulder and started praying out loud.

…These kids need a good, swift kick in their pentagrams … What they did was rude and ill-conceived, but I'm not so convinced it was illegal.

And anyway, if being obnoxious about faith is against the law, there's not enough jail cells in the state for all the pushy believers out there.

Debuting to mixed reviews in Ireland

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Black & TanBen & Jerry’s Black and Tan ice cream.
Cream stout ice cream swirled with chocolate ice cream

We’ve no idea how many Ben & Jerry’s fans might be beer enthusiasts, but we suspect that once you’ve tasted the way we’ve blended real cream stout ice cream with a whirl of chocolate ice cream, you might soon be raising more than a few pints of Black & Tan – and more than a few brew-aha!’s too.

If they try to release this in certain areas there might be a few black and blues involved, I’m thinking. Who’s the marketing genius behind this, I wonder…and besides, cream stout and chocolate? Somehow the Seattle espresso beer works. Chocolate and beer just go together like pork bellies and hemlock. Click on the link above to find out why this might not be quite as popular as Chunky Monkey..

Breaking fast: Necronomicon Found!

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Damn. I knew I left it someplace!Cthulhu sees you!

Fortunately, the British police have no idea what they've found. "Anthropodermic bibliopegy" indeed; they're just trying to normalize this to prevent a global panic. The fools! Mwahahahahaha.

When you happen to find an old book that you can't read, bound in human skin and lying by the side of the road in small-town nowheresville, your first reaction shouldn't be: gee, I can't read this, so it must be an old ledger. And it's just lying here, so it must have been dropped during a robbery of…that barn there. Or the sheep pen. Or maybe the badger hole. I'm sure it must be fairly common. People are always dropping old ledgers bound in human skin by the side of the road after committing robberies that have gone completely unreported and unnoticed. Happens all the time.

Honestly, is a Hound attack so implausible in that light?

This news surfaced the day after I'd made cheap jokes at the expense of Leeds, and just as I was putting together a blog entry on Ernest Angley. Not that there's any relationship between these completely independent incidents.

The End Times Are Upon Us! It's Easter, just the right time of the year for an Apocalypse. And it will be blogged, people.

Cthulhu ftagn, Cthulhu RSS!

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