1812: the rematch online

True Patriot Love... 

It’s that special time of year, the time we all look forward to, the time when wishes come true.

The time when we get to lord it over Americans.

The time when Yahoo releases its top searches for each country. Le voila!

 Canadian Searches

  1. NHL Canadian, obviously
  2. FIFA World Cup International, obviously. And we even know what the game is called!
  3. American Idol Yank wannabe celebrity wank
  4. Rock Star Supernova ditto Canadian rock star reality show
  5. WWE I have no idea what this is and if I did, I’d pretend I didn’t: it just sounds tacky. Everything with two W’s in the acronym sounds like something Joe Weider was involved in, and that just reeks of klass-with-a-kapital-k. Even if he was from Montreal.
  6. Neopets Wholesome kid’s site
  7. Revenue Canada Canuckistani bagmen who give us homework
  8. Days of Our Lives Yank soap opera. But it does take place on the Great Lakes, which is as good as on the border. The characters are all dull and hence, closet Canadians.
  9. Environment Canada Canuckistan is way green, y’all
  10. Jessica Simpson Even Canadians like to watch synthetic Barbies in tight dresses, it seems. At least this one can sing, more or less.

U.S. Searches

  1. Britney Spears Twatflasher
  2. WWE see Canadian list
  3. Shakira Columbian hottie singer/dancer of some talent
  4. Jessica Simpson Overly-produced, silicone and restylane enhanced singer/actress of moderate talent, known for taking it up the butt from Johnny Knoxville
  5. Paris Hilton Twatflasher, porn star, celebutard
  6. American Idol See Canadian list
  7. Beyoncé Knowles former Destiny’s Child, sleeping with Jay-Z
  8. Chris Brown who?
  9. Pamela Anderson Canadian actress, porn tape star, serial large-penis marrying tabloid dream
  10. Lindsay Lohan Started the Twatflashing vogue.

Next year, anyone want to bet the #1 will be “Beaver shots?” Canada wins either way.

Karla upskirt shots any day now

safe sex, British-style

With Hugh Laurie, Dawn French, Rowan Atkinson (as “Mr. R”) and Stephen Fry as the suave emcee. So you know it’s going to be totally educational.

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Technorati me!

quiz: which wife of Henry VIII are you?

Yes, I’m being very lazy, aren’t I? Hardly writing any of my own material and pretty much politics-free. Guess I’ve been scratching the political itch over at the new Bojo Forum, but wait; I’m sure there will be something coming soon. I mean, I should probably say something about the new leader of the Liberal Party of Canada, but that would presume I knew something about Stephane Dion, the new leader of the Liberal Party of Canada, which of course I do not. All that I know about him is he is not Michael Ignatieff, for which the nation is, I’m sure, very grateful.

Now to the quiz…with bonus before-and-after Katherine Howard pix! Ah, if they’d had Botox and Restylane back then, she’d have kept her pretty head! In fact, it probably still wouldn’t have decomposed!

Before:

Katherine Howard, before

and After:

After

Which wife of Henry the Eighth are you?

Your Result: Anne Boleyn

42%

You are Anne Boleyn, second, and most famous, wife of Henry. You are fiery, smart, confident, and witty. Though not notorious for your beauty, you have a prescience that sticks out in people’s minds. You will stop at nothing to get what you want. Keep in mind, though, when you get it, you have to know how to keep it.

Katherine of Aragon

32%

Catherine Parr

22%

Kathrine Howard

20%

Jane Seymour

6%

Anne of Cleves

0%

Which wife of Henry the Eighth are you?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Britney, Paris, and Lindsay revealed!

You can even see Paris‘ herpes sores! Is that the French Foreign Lesion?

From the inimitable Gallery of the Absurd. Britney, Paris and Lindsay as Botticcelli‘s The Three Disgraces.

The Three Disgraces

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Technorati me!

sexiest man alive George Clooney, metaphor man

sexiest mystery man aliveIs there anything this man can’t get away with? Ripping poor little Teri Hatcher‘s heart to shreds? Spurning Julia Roberts? Posing for Vanity Fair with models an even foot taller and two decades younger? Being compared with the immortal Cary Grant? That mullet from the Facts of Life?

Nothing.

Including this. Yes, as Gawker reports in their beloved Gawker Stalker feature, sexiest man alive George Clooney simply makes literal what so many generations of men have done only metaphorically.

He gives the girl shit.

George Clooney and Steven Soderbergh were dining at the Post House restuarant tonight (Wednesday). They were discussing and laughing about the movie Broke Back Mountain. George Clooney offered his stool to an attractive blonde who was at the bar.

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Technorati me!