the wild west lives on

“A couple came up to me after it was all over and shook my hand and Saloon brawlsaid, ‘We’re from South Carolina, and we just want to thank you, that was the best bar fight and greatest entertainment we’ve ever had,’ ” said Scott Richard of Cody.

Forget Texas; don’t mess with Wyominginans either, apparently. Fark has the report of the best little saloon brawl in the West.

The fight broke out shortly after midnight in the Irma’s Silver Saddle bar.

“Somebody in the bar, as a joke, yelled, ‘Last call for alcohol,’ ” said Richard. A drink then got sloshed onto the ceiling, where it dripped onto an individual who took umbrage with the turn of events, he said.

“This skinny guy stands up and starts lipping off,” Richard said.

Amid an attempted apology, someone else threw a punch, and Richard said he stepped in to try to break things up but was also hit.

And then all hell broke lose,” he said.

Casualties include a bartender, several participants, and one chair and table. No word on whether or not it was a wagon-wheel table, though.

photo o’ the day: more horses, more fog

Dutch mounted policemen

Whoa, dude, our Dutch Mounted Police Ride is gonna kick the Mounties‘ asses! Just wait till the lasers and Pink Floyd start!

more fog and horses here

Operation Global Media Domination: Nawked

TIAThat’s not a strange Britishism; it’s the word for when Gawker uses not just one, but two of the YouTubes you posted in a single day without referencing you even indirectly. And no, it’s not carryover bitterness from the time I gave them Cold Desert’s Absolut ads and they didn’t gimme so much as a “via raincoaster.” No, I’m so over that! 

Perish the thought!

Well, at least Metafilter gave me the luv, which was worth a good 1200 hits in one day, and, bizarrely, Chubby Bunny seems to be going viral, days after the posting, leaving all mango porno-related posts in the compost heap. I guess there’s a lag time with marshmallows: who knew?

Other link-luvvers include CBS News (FFS!), Digg, WordPress.com, TotalFark, an awful lot of self-hating people who clicked through when I told the readers chez Guido to go fuck themselves, and VampireFreaks, which brings us to…

Kimveer Gill’s Blog continues to be popular with illiterate teenagers who hate everyone and only want to be left alone because they’re peaceful, loving people and who have come to my blog to threaten me for saying otherwise, although I hadn’t, but they wouldn’t know that because they, of course, don’t read the post or the comments. Occasional flashes of insight are posted in that thread by people who don’t know the saying about pearls before swine; the latest swine was someone pretending to be Anastasia deSousa’s brother. His IP is 24.236.230.153 if anyone is interested in taking it up with him.

Hits indicate that everyone is still interested in Beautiful Agony, Blackzilla, and watching Steve Irwin die. Except me. Oh, and some reaaaaaaaly longtailers are just catching on to Lucy Gao now.

BTW, I have five bucks riding on my whining getting me banned from Gawker. Time will tell; they won’t wake up for another ten hours.

air sex champ licks himself into shape

Seriously, you cannot beat this headline. via, um, can’t remember but with a headline like that is must be FARK.

virgin and the living dead. Sounds like the Roxy

Japan’s air sex world champion licks himself into shape

Japan has recently claimed the world air guitar championship, but Weekly Playboy (10/2) notes that less well known is that Japan already had a world champ in another virtual sport — air sex!

Just like air guitar pits competitors prancing around on stage empty handed but acting as though they were playing a hot riff, air sex requires players to simulate sauciness as though with a partner, but actually while alone.

“Air sex was originally invented by guys who Carell is too cute, though.couldn’t get girlfriends, but desperately want to have sex,” J-Taro Sugisaku, the self-professed creator of air sex, tells Weekly Playboy

“You must be warned, though air sex can be very dangerous,” Sugisaku says. “Normally what happens with a display is that you perform the same way you normally would when having sex. I’ve seen guys who put on air sex shows that clearly display they’re still virgins. I’ve also seen other guys perform such incredibly authentic fake fellatio that nobody has been left in any doubt that they could only be bisexual. Let me reiterate: Air sex can be dangerous.”

Japan’s reigning air sex world champion is a feller who goes by the name of Cobra. His theory for successful air sex is that it involves more than just blowing…

Cobra then proceeds to put on an 8 1/2-minute display of air sex for the weekly, with moves including ear nibbling, sphincter licking, attaching a condom while kissing, ejaculation and afterglow. Cobra says that the knack of bogus bonking lies in openness.

“You can’t care about what women watching your performance are thinking about you. When you get down to air sex, you’ve got to immerse yourself in the air sex world,” Cobra says. “Air sex can’t be performed in half-measures. If it is, you’re only asking for trouble.”

Wow, so men can’t fake it either.

Like a virgin...yet unlike

Cane-Fu: the revenge of Oak Bay

Oak Bay Cane Fu

Everybody was Cane-Fu fighting…or they will be, if this man has his way. Gordon Muir is a martial arts teacher in God’s Waiting Room, and he’s a very clever marketer.

Rather than bemoan the shortage of poorly-behaved adolescent boys whose parents are looking for a quickie external application of discipline, he’s come up with a new martial art that he is confident will appeal to the local market.

Cane-Fu.

from the Victoria Times-Colonist, via Fark.

Muir calls the cane “an interesting weapon” especially since it is “completely legal.”

He’s offering his course at Oak Bay’s Monterey Centre for anyone who doesn’t feel confident about walking down the street.

But he cautions that he is not recommending people go around whacking people indiscriminately. “Definitely not. It could be a hapless panhandler just wanting a quarter.”

I dunno; I’ve dealt with a few cranky seniors in my time, and I wouldn’t want to be some clueless Montreal punk, vision impaired by hoodie and hangover, just lying outside McDonalds, minding my own business, when something in Grandma Moses snaps.

Seventy-year-old Jerome Pauls has signed up for the October course…

“I’m not taking it so I can go out and be aggressive,” said Pauls.

But if I can’t have a gun, then let’s go with a cane.”

Thorazine, fun for the whole family!