Operation Global Media Domination: Soundtrack for Losers

Amy Winehouse expresses herself

that door had to be carted away and burnt later, for public safety reasons

Remember that old-timey singer Amy Winehouse, back when she was still alive?

Studio performance of Love is a Losing Game by Amy Winehouse

For you I was a flame
Love is a losing game
Five story fire as you came
Love is a losing game

While I wish I’d never played
Oh what a mess we made
And now the final frame
Love is a losing game

Played out by the band
Love is a losing hand
More than I could stand
Love is a losing hand

Self professed… profound
Till the chips were down
…know you’re a gambling man
Love is a losing hand

Though I’d bet on blind
Love is a faith resign
Memories mar my mind
Love is a faith resign

Over futile odds
And laughed at by the gods
And now the final frame
Love is a losing game

You know what else is a losing game? Trying to clean up the code in a popular page you copied bodily from Facebook because you are dutiful and political and committed to freedom of speech and think the world NEEDS an archive of the now-deleted Everybody Draw Mohammad Day page, and furthermore, you are doing it on a beautiful Friday Saturday (I have lost track of time GOD HAVE I BEEN HERE THAT LONG???) night while reading the posts and tweets of all my friends who are a block or two away, having a great time NOT editing Facebook code. And further to furthermore, not doing the workout I was supposed to get done four hours ago either, because I am here, madly editing this stupid, extraneous-div-filled code to appease the Google Gods, who have thrown this blog into the Ninth Circle of Google Hell since the start of May. I even pulled my best string, who yanked Matt Cutt‘s personal chain and got nothing better than When I search for ‘raincoaster’ that blog is the first hit, which proves it’s being indexed properly which is bullshit.

Don’t believe me? Here is my stats graph:

I die! I DIE!!!

Is it any wonder I'm so fucking CRANKY?????

Now, having gone through ismyblogworking.com and Quantcast and the W3 Validator, Feed ValidatorGoogle Webmaster Tools and (the much more decipherable) Yahoo Site Explorer, I have found my blog is riddled with a metric snotload of code errors and, since I, myself, don’t write in code unless someone is holding a gun to my head AND there are sharks with frikkin laser beams on their heads circling my desk, I didn’t put there. Right?

Anyhoodle, it appeared to even my inexperienced eye that code that looked like div /div div /div /form div div div div /h5 and so on was somewhat problematic, and so I sat down to eliminate said code, line by painful line. For two point seven five hours I sifted code, exercising my Delete button and my Backspace ruthlessly (have you seen Ruth lately, by the way? I’ve been Ruthless for months now) and when I looked at the sidebar I saw that I had successfully cleansed less than one-tenth of the code.

At that point I ruthlessly (seriously, where IS that bitch?) exercised the Move To Trash key, and I hope Lindsay Lohan is happy with the present I sent her.

Now I’m off to sacrifice a unicorn to the Google Gods.

Om nom nom nom, baby!

Who knew Lady Gaga = Voldemort?

Wish me luck. On the plus side, I think this may be a good omen:

http://twitter.com/#!/GreatDismal/statuses/22416383500

Clear Skies

While that uppity Icelandic volcano is spewing hot ash into the atmosphere like an enormous, thoughtless smoker, you can watch the impact on European flights in realtime on the site FlightRadar24.

FlightRadar

When I saw it, eloquence deserted me entirely. My words:

NEAT! FRIKKIN NEATO!!!

Yes, not only will this site show you flight data in realtime, but it will also turn you into an eight-year-old tomboy.

You’re welcome?

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Promises, Promises

marriedtothesea.com

Yep, that’s the way this scam works.

Every downturn in the economy causes several things. Maybe even more than several. But the one that annoys me because it shows that not even people who are paid to write and get printed on actual physical paper have anything even approaching an institutional or professional memory:

The fact that every frakking newspaper on the planet comes out with the same faux-callow retread: OMG, Post-Secondary Schools Are Like Totally Ripping Off the Unemployed.

Yes.

Of course.

It’s what they’re for.

Far too many of them anyway, and if you doubt that, you can take a quick browse through Barbara Ehrenreich’s Bait and Switch: The (Futile) Pursuit of the American Dream.

Which doesn’t make my decision to apply to grad school any smarter or dumber than before, for lo, I am a terrible snob, and I wouldn’t go to some podunk Potemkin College. There are only three schools in the world who seem to be offering the opportunity I’m looking for: one in the UK whose name I can’t remember, Stanford, and Simon Fraser University, which happens to have the new school of Communication, Arts and Technology just about a ten minute walk from my apartment.

And of these, SFU is the greatest, because it’s the most wide-open, the most affordable, and smack-dab in the middle of a community to which I am connected up the proverbial wazoo. I’m not connected to them literally up the wazoo because I don’t like them that way, okay? Okay.

I’ve been told that Stanford has a program for deserving people from out of the country with whom they want to work, and I’d like to think I’m one of those people, they just don’t know it yet. And the UK would be nice, and I’m pretty sure I could use BoJo’s webguru as a reference, and I can easily get an EU passport, what with having been born in France and so on. And god knows, I haven’t got enough paperwork in my life, so here goes a round of rooting through online prospecticusses and presumably interviewing, because when you’re the scholarship applicant, they’re not gonna take a shot in the dark: they want to look in your actual eyes and see if the retinas match with anyone on the Ten Most Wanted list.

Especially if you’ve indicated a preference for distance learning, a desire to collect professors’ home addresses, and you’ve listed a cabin in Montana as your address.

As if that weren’t enough, I’ve also taken on a major role with the Social Media Club of Vancouver, and I’m applying for more paid blogging gigs, as well as upping my post frequency on True/Slant.

Which is basically all my posts tagged WorkLife Balance are ALSO tagged Speculative Comedic Fiction.

Next up, figuring out how to apprentice myself to this guy. I spent a significant part of last year trying to convince local hotels this would be a good idea in advance of the Olympics, to no avail. Obviously, the man has mad hotel-persuasion skillz.

Promises: hmmm, isn’t that the name of a rehab center?

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Social Media Club of Vancouver presents: Olympic Lessons

VMC Olympic Weekend Coverage!!
Image by nofutureface via Flickr

VANCOUVER OLYMPICS DEMONSTRATE BOTH GOOD AND BAD IMPACT OF SOCIAL MEDIA

Local leaders in traditional and social media gather to discuss impact of social media on the 2010 Winter Olympic Games

VANCOUVER, BC – In the afterglow of the 2010 Vancouver Games, top BC media leaders will come together on March 18, 2010 to discuss the positive and negative impacts of both social and traditional media on the Games. The panel discussion will be held from 7-9pm at the BOB Coworking Space in Vancouver’s Gastown District, 163 E. Pender Street.

In its first official event, Social Media Club Vancouver, a trade association dedicated to business uses of social media, and the Vancouver Blogger Meetup will bring together a panel of established media experts to discuss expectations versus realities in media coverage of the Games—a large, high-profile, complex and geographically dispersed event.

The panel will include Kirk LaPointe, Managing Editor of the Vancouver Sun; John Biehler, citizen journalist and blogger; flashmob specialist Laurent Piche; Colin Horgan, columnist at the Guardian; freelance journalist/bloggers Jonathan Narvey and Shane Birley; and moderator Colleen Coplick, founder of Type-A PR and the MissManifesto network.

“The 2010 Winter Olympic Games were perhaps the most ‘social’ Games ever,” said Eric Weaver, president of Social Media Club Vancouver. “VANOC, the City of Vancouver, individual teams, news outlets and private companies were all utilizing social media at the Games. Many of these groups found innovative and unusual ways to integrate social media into their communication efforts. We saw some really fascinating uses, and some cautionary tales. This panel discussion will point the way toward more integrated and effective uses of both types of media in the future.”

Discussion will cover key learnings on social media at the Games, how traditional and social media impacted the event, where media shone and where it failed.

The event is free, and interested parties can register at http://smcyvrolympiclessons.eventbrite.com/

Social Media Club of Vancouver

Social Media Club of Vancouver

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ABOUT THE PANELISTS

MICHAEL ALLISON

Michael is a consultant at The Wilcox Group and provides communications support to clients including General Motors of Canada, KFC and Lesley Stowe.

Michael advises clients on approaches to social media that complement existing PR goals and strategies. He plays an integral role in creating employee social media policies, writing for the web, engaging online influencers, training clients how to use social media tools and building meaningful relationships. For General Motors of Canada, the official vehicle supplier of the Vancouver 2010 Winter Olympic Games, Michael led an integrated social media strategy involving the Chevrolet brand for the duration of the 106-day torch relay.

Michael holds a master’s degree in professional communication from Royal Roads University and a bachelor’s degree in political science from the University of Victoria.

JOHN BIEHLER

John is a Vancouver-based e-business analyst for a large corporation, a technologist, a consultant, conference speaker, trainer, photographer and gamer. Through True North Media House he became one of the most prominent bloggers and photographers covering the Olympics.

SHANE BIRLEY

Shane Birley is a blogger, author, web developer, poet, and creative writer based in Vancouver, BC. He is a partner in Left Right Minds, a web development, arts management, business blogging and on line marketing content consultant company. He also writes Nerd Sense, a blog for non-nerds about technology and a collection blog titled Why The Internet Is Cool where he writes about random things found out on the Internet. He is the co-host of the Vancouver Blogger Meetup.

COLLEEN COPLICK

Colleen Coplick is a PR professional and popular Vancouver-area blogger. A self-described writer, photographer, instigator and connector, Colleen specializes in social media strategy & marketing, feature writing, and blog writing, teaches seminars, and is a regular conference speaker.

COLIN HORGAN

Colin Horgan is a freelance journalist and blogger. Born and raised in Calgary, Colin Horgan earned his Bachelor’s degree in history from Carleton University in Ottawa. After moving to London, England, Colin returned to Canada and became a blogger and contributor for the Calgary Herald. Recently, Colin has been a contributor to the Guardian, where his writing focuses on Canadian politics and culture. Colin currently blogs at TrueSlant.com, and his work has also appeared in the Globe and Mail and online at Maclean’s.

KIRK LAPOINTE

Kirk LaPointe has been the Managing Editor of The Vancouver Sun since 2003, and is responsible for the day-to-day online and newspaper operations of Western Canada’s largest newsroom. He is also the executive in residence and an adjunct professor at the graduate school of journalism at University of British Columbia. Kirk blogs on media change at themediamanager.com and is an avid social networker on Twitter, Facebook and Linkedin, among others.

Kirk has held several senior news positions in Canadian media, including Senior Vice President responsible for all of CTV News, the founding Executive Editor of National Post, the associate publisher and editor in chief of The Hamilton Spectator, the editor in chief and general manager of Southam News, the Ottawa bureau chief and general news editor of The Canadian Press, and a host for CBC Newsworld.

JONATHON NARVEY

Jonathon Narvey is a Vancouver-based communications specialist, freelance journalist and copywriter. He is the founder of WRITEIMAGE, a corporate copywriting services company.

A native of Winnipeg, Jonathon moved to the west coast of Canada soon after beginning a career as a writer. He writes primarily about politics, current events, and life in Vancouver, along with other interests such as environmental sustainability, business and technology. He has contributed articles and columns to print and online media publications such as the National Post, Vancouver Sun, Granville Magazine, Business in Vancouver, Sounding Board, Winnipeg Sun, the Vancouver Courier, and the North Shore News.

LAURENT PICHE

Laurent Piche is a “flashmobber” and co-founder of Improv Everywhere Vancouver. Laurent and his team cause scenes of chaos and joy in public places. Created in August of 2001 by Charlie Todd, Improv Everywhere has executed over 100 missions involving thousands of undercover agents.

—————————————-

ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA CLUB VANCOUVER

Social Media Club Vancouver is a local chapter of the Social Media Club, a worldwide trade organization dedicated to the advancement of social media. The Vancouver chapter is a business-focused social media association aimed at generating learning, friendships and opportunities for all of its members. Composed of marketers, media professionals, advertisers, bloggers and business owners, SMC Vancouver holds monthly meetings around the business uses of social media.

# # #

For more information about Social Media Club Vancouver, please contact Guacira Naves at smc.naves at gmail.com, or visit http://smcyvr.com.

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Olympic Lessons from Social Media Club Vancouver

Social Media Club Vancouver SMCYVR

You’re hereby invited to the inaugural meeting of the Social Media Club of Vancouver. Gurus, Rockstars, Fanboys, Bloggers, Twitter addicts, and those who are wondering what all the social media fuss is about are all welcome.

Lessons of the Olympics: what social media taught us

Who: The Social Media Club of Vancouver in partnership with the Vancouver Blogger’s Meetup

What: Olympic Lessons: a panel discussion of social and antisocial media lessons from the Olympics

When: 7pm Thursday, March 18th

Where: BOB Coworking Space, 163 East Pender Street, ground floor

Why: To review expectations vs outcomes in the context of social and traditional media coverage of a large, high-profile, complex, and geographically dispersed event.

Everyone, from beginners to bystanders, gurus to rockstars, is welcome. Our panel includes participants from mainstream media as well as social media, flashmobbers, bloggers, photographers, columnists, analysts, and corporate PRistes. Stand by for more details; we’ll have the full story as it develops!

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