Best Resignation in History

Well, it's a resignation the way defenestration is a method of retirement, but still, awesome nonetheless. Got this via Mistress Cowfish. In early February of this year this note was posted on the door of the Blenz cafe on Hastings Street, across from Simon Fraser University.

I'm going to take a tiny moment here to express how very much I loathe Blenz coffee. It's thin, bitter and transparent; everything you want in a supermodel, nothing you want to face first thing in the morning. This isn't arabica; hell, I'd lay odds it's not even semitica.

Anyway, to get back to the point of this post…Blenz and awe-inspiring resignations therefrom; the place was always busy, but apparently at least four people didn't care for the management at this particular franchise: the four people who worked there. What I'm loving most about this note is that it's written in the same mealymouthed style as millions of interminable management lectures delivered worldwide. "Be more of a people person," asshole.

Comments from vicarious comrades-in-arms here.

Blenz Hastings

Return to Lost Lagoon

Behold, my gym:Seawall City View 

No, it's not a Milla Jovovitch movie. It's what I did today, for the first time in at least six months; I laced up my skates, swore vigorously at the leaden and lumpy sky, and hit the Seawall, fortunately only metaphorically. I did, in fact, return to Lost Lagoon.

Stanley Park SeawallI am absolutely fucking hysterically giddy and a half to report that now, after two years of developer-based interference, you can finally skate all the way from the Main Street Viaduct to Stanley Park continuously, without any stupid detours for construction or stairs or elevators, or trying to sneak through the bridgeway from the Seabus because, face it, they have cameras and loudspeakers and they live to make you look like an ass for trying to sneak through that goddam bridgeway that your own tax dollars paid for in the first place.

Here's the secret: You skate along under Canada Place, as usual. Keep going. At a certain point, the roadway bends to the left sharply to go up to connect somehow with Burrard and there's a parkade on the right just at that corner. Go into the parkade and out the back end of it; you'll be right by the seaplane dock. The seaplane dock place has a beautiful, freshly-paved walk/skate/bikeway that connects, within a few dozen feet, with the Seawall. Voilà! Lost Lagoon HeronDon't say I never did nuthin' for ya! This is the only place on the whole of the World Wide Web you'll find that super-seecrud seekrit.

Every time I get out and get some exercise I feel like such a twat for all the hours I wasted sitting on my butt on my really quite uncomfortable office chair, thinking gee, I really should go out and get some exercise. I mean, not only is it doing my caboosage some good, but today while out doing what is essentially a personal-development chore, I saw two Great Blue Herons, a Bald Eagle, innumerable ravens, a Cooper's Hawk, four or five kinds of ducks, a seal, and a wolf.

AND I WAS DOWNTOWN!

Canada America Done Right!

The Nameless, Named!

effigia okeefeCower in fear, for the end of the world is nigh: the unnameable has been named!

Behold, mortals, the nameless dweller in the accurst city named “The Nameless City.”

Well, actually he’s from New Mexico.

And from Columbia University:

Two Columbia scientists have discovered the fossil of a toothless crocodile relative that looks like a six-foot-long, two-legged dinosaur, but is actually a distant cousin of today’s alligators and crocodiles. Adjunct professor of earth and environmental sciences Mark Norell and his graduate student Sterling Nesbitt, both of whom also work as paleontologists at the American Museum of Natural History, have named the fossil Effigia okeeffeae.

Effigia means “ghost,” referring to the decades that the fossil remained hidden from science [and also the fact that it was found on the Ghost Ranch Dig; like, synchronicity, dude]. The species name, okeeffeae, honors the artist Georgia O’Keeffe, who lived near the site in northern New Mexico where the fossil was found.

According to Wikipedia, the fossil was discovered back in 1947-1948 by Edwin H. Colbert, but was lying unclassified in the basement of the American Museum of Natural History when Norell and Nesbitt were looking for something else and the one of them went, “I say, that’s odd. Never seen anything like it. What do you say, old chap?” or something like that, and the other fellow said,

That is not dead which can eternal lie,
And with strange aeons death may die.

I should have known that the Arabs other department heads had good reason for shunning the nameless city fossil, the city fossil told of in strange tales but seen by no living man, yet I defied them and went into the untrodden desert basement with my camel grad student. I alone have seen it, and that is why no other face bears such hideous lines of fear as mine; why no other man shivers so horribly when the night wind air conditioning rattles the windows specimen cases. When I came upon it in the ghastly stillness of unending sleep it looked at me, chilly from the rays of a cold moon the fluorescents amidst the desert’s New York’s heat. And as I returned its look I forgot my triumph at finding it, and stopped still with my camel grad student to wait for the dawn.

Or words to that effect.

(nb Cthulhu references get the squid tag. Makes total sense, right? Aw, shut up)

a f*cking great idea

f*ck eraser

I’m not sure how I feel about that. I do know one thing, though. Fuck, I want one of those!

You can buy them here. Thanks to Daily Candy for the link, and no, I didn’t get any money for this. I am just a huge fucking advocate of the word “fuck,” particularly in a cancer-based context.

Today in Squid News: Squid Tech

squidooI’m not actually sure what Squidoo does, but they get in here just for the name. If you can figure out how lenses differ from tags, let me know. Also, if you figure out how there is money to be made here, also let me know. The comments button is right down there, just past the Australian Giant Squidwreck.

Squidwreck