Seriously, what does a woman have to do to get eaten around here? I consider this brand-building at its most primitive. Now that I think of it, I should have hacked it to say “beer” instead.
Created by Recipe Star
Category Archives: Weird
Quantum of Dynamite trailer
Easily the most hotly-anticipated film of 2009, and potentially the most explosive spy thriller of all time, the tsunami of testosterone which is Quantum of Dynamite is the tentpole holding up the hopes of an entire industry. If it succeeds, it will take entertainment itself to a new level. If it fails, all of the major studios, who collectively have invested over three hundred quintillionbillion dollars in the extravagant production, will be sold to roving gangs of Uzbek pawnbrokers, to be broken up and sold for scrap in the bazaars of the former Silk Road breakaway republics (Sharmuzistan, Szatinia, Kraypistan, and Georgette).
We at the ol’ raincoaster blog have obtained a worldwide exclusive, procured at great personal cost (I know it was only one child, but everyone loves their eldest, don’t they?) an exclusive print of the fabled trailer for this monumental motion picture. Pour yourself a chocolate milk, shaken, not stirred, and settle down to watch the film that is to change the entertainment industry forever:
Fairy Evidence Discovered!
Yes, Virginia, fairies do exist.
This is a controversial issue we’ve covered frequently in the past. You will note the comments of the doubters; never supplying a single shred of evidence to support their theory, they deal in third-hand rumours and blatant pig-headedness to support their outrageous hypothesis that fairies are imaginary. It’s a scandal that so-called “rationalists” could indulge in unsubstantiated rumour-mongering of this nature.
Do you think Shakespeare, who wrote about Julius Caesar and the dubious merits of Scottish hosts, would make shit up? Do ya, punk?
Now, from TackyRaccoons, comes clear photographic proof of the existence of these delightful sprites. Polaroids, as everyone knows, cannot be faked.
Not only do we now have real proof that they exist, but we are beginning to understand how they reproduce. In this comment I suggested an hypothesis of fairy generation, and not long after that pictoral evidence surfaced to support my theory that they were not gestated in banal fashion like so many mortals, but instead crawled out from between the petals on the undersides of mushrooms. And here is the picture that proves it.
Case? Closed!
Beaver Shots: Wild Road Beaver
Beaver is, of course, the national animal of Canada, and for good reason: who doesn’t like a friendly beaver? Why, there’s nothing so welcoming to travel-weary tourists as the sight of a naked beaver straddling the dotted line in the middle of the highway, greeting the newcomers with what passes for wild abandon here in Canuckistan.
You’ve heard, perhaps, of the Canadian who asked the US border guard to say “Please?” He got pepper sprayed.
And a few years ago there was a lineup at an ATM in Montreal. A Canadian got to the front of the line, got his money from the machine, said “Thank you,” to the machine…
And the American in line behind him beat him up.
The Luck of the Irish
So, the other night I was, as I am not infrequently, at the bar of the Irish Heather, spending, as I do not infrequently, too damn much money for somebody who blogs for a living, and I met, as I not infrequently do, an Irishman.
I mean, where else would you? Right? Amiright?
And his Zimbabwean sidekick, Julius I’m Not Kidding You although he may have been telling a stretcher Caesar. Julius Caesar.
I never did catch the Irishman’s name, either because it was so exotic or because I have a cold and my ears were stuffed up with Strongbow I mean earwax now where was I?
Right. At the bar of the Irish Heather, talking about luck with a lanky, nameless Irishman and a black guy from Zimbabwe called Julius Caesar. They’d just gotten back from the Yukon, where they were checking out the dogsled race and NO I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP the one that goes all the way to Alaska, and thereupon I told them my story about the American Minutemen guarding the border and the time one of them shot himself in the foot and Canada refused to let him in, as he did not have proper identification documents and they must have laughed and laughed at Canadian Border Guard Union Headquarters over that one, oh yes.
And then the Irishman told me the secret of winning bar bets, which he then proceeded to prove by winning two toonies from me. But he bought me a Strongbow, so I figure I came out four bucks ahead when you figure tax into it which in Canada you always do, on general principles and yes, even in bar bets.
And this is the secret:
Get the other person to make a bet, and bet against him.
You’re welcome.
raincoaster 