Category Archives: fairies

Bombay Martini with a Rainbow Chaser

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Yup, winter is over. I gather from seeing Game of Thrones memes that for fans of the series that saying’s never quite true, you just have two seasons: bodies don’t rot and bodies do rot. But here in BC (as opposed to AD or even AC/DC) it’s rainbow season, and that’s a good thing.

It’s a rather paranoia-making, creepy-ass thing when you take off from Tsawwassen Ferry Terminal and the mainland vanishes altogether in the mist mere moments after departure. Mountains and all. And them are some big-ass mountainry, I’m saying. It’s even more paranoia-making and creepy-ass when your large industrial ferry is tailed by rainbows all the way through Active Pass, whereupon they execute a 90 degree turn and follow you to Swartz Bay Ferry Terminal.

And speaking of paranoia, why doesn’t Foursquare work on BC Ferries? Eh? Are they really some sort of extra-dimensional transport and the aliens have to block those servers lest we realize we’re really disembarking at a cunningly camouflaged space/ferry port on, say, a minor planet in the Alpha Centauri system?

It’s important to ask the right kinds of questions, in this crazy, mixed-up world. Seriously, when aliens are sending rainbows to trail us for all the world as if they were masterfully inconspicuous master spies…

We're er, tourists from Seattle, baby!

We’re er, tourists from Seattle, baby!

I mean, it’s like being tailed by a herd of airborne My Little Ponies. Honestly, look at this. Aliens! Bitches (or Assholes, as appropriate), please!

Double Sunset Rainbow & BC Ferry Spirit of British Columbia at Swartz Bay Terminal, Vancouver Island

Oh. Wait.

I know what this is.

They have had enough.

Just as in the Olden Time, meaning about the start of April in 2007, the Little People, and by that we do not mean anyone with a reality show about life on the farm, however awesome that show is (even if he IS kind of a dick), are preparing their return. Last time they were turned off by the overwhelmingly unscientific reaction, when the entire world rejected their very existence, physical proof and photos with POLICE EVIDENCE BAGS, HELLO! be damned.

The fairies are back. Prepare to be pixielated!

Speaking of the War on Trolls…

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trollstrollstrollstrollstrollstrollstrollstrolls

trollstrollstrollstrollstrollstrollstrollstrolls

Sooooo, yesterday I got trolled, and I fell for it, hard. That wouldn’t be so bad, but I published a story on the Daily Dot about it before we found out it was a fake. My bosses are naturally not thrilled. Without minimizing the fact I shouldn’t have swallowed it like I did, that all would be pretty horrible IF (can you keep a sikrit?):

  • news organizations weren’t constantly being trolled and then writing stories about the trolling (“rumors of X happening overnight have petered out and it now appears that X was never, in fact, going to happen” and they DON’T generally say “yeah, and we got it wrong yesterday”)
  • it had been a major news story instead of an insidery item about the sentencing of someone of whom most of our readers have never heard. Accuracy is always important but this way the spread of the original rumour was minimized, if inadvertently.
  • it had resulted in enduring consequences other than personal embarrassment (because god knows I’m long past the concept of human dignity and although my taste does not run to crow I’ve eaten a fair helping or two in my time). Think of the WMD hoax: decade-long, generation-crippling, heart-of-the-nation-sapping war. THAT is a consequence. Hell, Judith Miller went to prison for protecting her source and he turned out to be lying AND hundreds of thousands of people are dead. So yeah, downside.
  • it hadn’t resulted in me getting three exclusive interviews with VERY interesting, VERY prominent (in certain circles) people.
  • and a marriage proposal on Twitter.

So yeah, troll’s well that ends well. And as I said on Twitter, you can hardly complain about being trolled when you pull:

Selah. May the Internet Drama Fairy watch over you all and protect you from doxing.

Dead Cottingley Fairy discovered

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mummified cottingley fairy is mummified, akshuly

mummified cottingley fairy is mummified, akshuly

This time not in Devonshire; this time, it’s a Yorkshire fairy, eeeeh bee goom.

Well, strike me mum! Here’s yet more proof (if any were in fact required, and we are ALL ABOUT PROOF around these parts, as you know) that dead fairies are real. Or. Well. WERE real and are now post-real and in fact mummified, if not petrified, and who knew they had stagefright in the first place, eh?

Answer me that!

Yes, today via Propnomicon comes word that back in the dark days of January another former fairy has come to light from the collection of a prominent also-formerly-alive American archaeologist. Here is the update, via the El Dodo Albino news organization:

Octavius Zedock was a prominent cryptozoologist belonging to the Theosophical Society in New York who dedicated his life to the study of creatures whose existence has been denied by science for years.
His research was extensive and in his lifetime collected a large number of specimens not officially classified, and that for years have been kept by the Company. Today, the silence was broken and the specimens come to light for the first time … is time to learn, it’s time to discover the truth behind the myths.
The specimen collected in the city of Cottingley , England in the 20’s, shows the reality of the existence of fairies. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle was right, there was something magical in the forests of that place…

There is more, but I can’t read Spanish anymore than I can read Elvish (somewhat less, thanks to a miss-spent youth, actually) so you’ll have to Babelfish it yourselves.

The emergence of this long-lost mummy raises interesting questions about the cultural heritage of the UK, particularly in the age of the EU. Can the country prevent its fairies from slipping away to foreign shores in the company of shifty Yanks in khakis? Only time, at about ₤300 an hour, can tell.

This forms the latest in our ongoing scientific investigation of the very real, and very hushed-up, phenomenon of dead fairies. If you have or are a dead fairy, or even a live one, you are encouraged to contact the editor of this blog via the comments section here or on the original Mummified Fairy post, where you will have lots of company. About 2200 iterations of company, in fact.

Operation Global Media Domination: the Double Millennial Situation

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kids today

Want to cheer up a bummed out blogger who’s ALSO gotten death threats from rabid Michael Jackson fans in the last week (I mean, what an undignified way to die, at the hands of rabid Michael Jackson fans, ones who re no doubt wearing sweatpants with words across the ass)?

Comment on this post.

Not this one. THIS one. Because it needs fewer than 100 comments to make it to an even 2000 AND it’s my birthday on Saturday and you weren’t gonna buy me anything anyway.

But it’s okay. I’ve still got my poetry.

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Fairy Photo: Proof of Skeletal Undead Fairies!

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skeletal fairies torturing a cranefly

Once again, this blog is on the very forefront of fairy science as we reveal this shocking photo evidence that, as alluded to in the Victorian document known as “Peter Pan,” fairies are not only quite real (which the cognoscenti have known all along) but can actually die! This photo makes explicit what the timid author Barrie dared not even hint: that they can return to a hideous kind of animation after death, becoming zombie or skeleton fairies, consumed by malevolence and driven neither by hunger nor thirst, but only by the relentless, perverted need to kill, and kill again.

O cursed is the world that contains such abominations! Undead skeletal fairies, roaming the forest in search of innocent victims to torture! What unspeakable evil could have dreamed such perversion? Who can be behind this eldritch and unnameable madness?

Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

Meerkat Mafia

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