I’ve found religion!

Gin in Heaven

Gin in Heaven

Halleluiah!

Well, thank god I’ve found religion, otherwise I’d have made a sacrifice or two to Cthulhu this weekend.

It seems the prospective landlord of Panorama Palace, with whom I’ve been in communication for something like six weeks, has decided he wants to work on the house and doesn’t want to rent it out until those repairs are done.

Great.

Super.

I mean, nobody wants to slide into the lake in a brutal, bone-crushing avalanche in their sleep because of a flaw in the foundation, but they’d like to have known about this prior to eight days before move-in date.

Now I have another month at least to spend in limbo, house-sitting, couch-surfing, and whatever-worksing and in the meantime the prime time to get horses in the boarding business is slipping by…

So, just in case there was any doubt…

Get a 2013 FLSTC Heritage Softail Black HARLEY DAVIDSON for $20

2013 FLSTC Heritage Softail Black HARLEY DAVIDSON

2013 FLSTC Heritage Softail Black HARLEY DAVIDSON

Ain’t she a beaut? And she’s worth $22,000 to boot. Think of what a fabulous mid-life crisis pressie she would be for, oh, I dunno, ME?

How can she be yours for a mere $20 you ask? Read on and I will tell you. You’re welcome.

The Okanagan Falls 2nd Annual Bike Rally organizers have generously chosen the South Okanagan’s very own Okanagan International Children’s Festival as the charity for their annual raffle!

GRAND PRIZE: 2013 FLSTC Heritage Softail Black HARLEY DAVIDSON
(Value: $22,678, BC Gaming Event License #51717)

1 ticket for $20 (Must be 19+ to purchase a ticket.)

‘Attend’ this event, and you will be contacted with an opportunity to buy your tickets. Or contact Administrator(s) directly!

SPREAD THE WORD! Support the Festival and WIN A HARLEY!

Only 3500 tickets printed!

Outlets

Bayley’s Brew Ha Ha, 103-1652 Fairview Rd Penticton

Burger 55, 85 Westminster Avenue East, Penticton

CG Custom Motorcycles, 288 Westminster Ave W, Penticton

The Grooveyard, 239 Main Street, Penticton

Call Okanagan International Children’s Festival Office for ticket details and times to purchase direct 250-493-8800.

Locations

April 7, 13, 14 & 21 – Cherry Lane Shopping Centre, 230 – 2111 Main Street, Penticton

Watch for other venues to be announced.

Draw date: May 12, 2013 at 5pm
OK Falls Hotel 1054 Main Street, Okanagan Falls, BC V0H 1R0

To see the rules of play go to www.okchildrensfest.org

Chances are 1 in 3,500 (total tickets for sale) to win a grand prize.
BC Gaming Event Licence #51717.
Problem Gambling Help Line 1-888-795-6111 Know your limit, play within it. 19+
www.bcresponsiblegambling.ca

Selah.

Just. Fine. Thank. You.

Audible punctuation in my sentences is always a bad sign. If I also narrow my eyes while. enunciating. clearly. , adopt a defensive posture IMMEDIATELY: Stop, drop and roll and if you’re lucky you won’t be hit by the fallout. If you’re really clever, you’ll keep on rolling to the liquor cabinet and roll back with a very large, very cold stirred Botanist Martini for me.

and how was yours, motherfucker?

and how was yours, motherfucker?

“It’s not a done deal.”

There are many points in life when you don’t want to hear those words, but I’d venture to say that among the very mostest so is the seventeenth of the month when you are expecting to move into the house on the first of the next month. From your landlord.

Or maybe not-landlord.

Particularly having packed up everything you own and thrown it in storage at a cost, thanks to enthusiastic but amateur labour, of about $300 more than one had budgeted for labour.

THIS is my fortune?

THIS is my fortune? From lunch Saturday.

I. God. Damn. Well. Better. Be.

The possibility exists that he’s hoping to leverage my desperation against the price of the rent and pop it up by a hundred or so a month, which would frankly make this a non-possibility for me; I took that off the table immediately by being upfront about how much I do and do not earn in a month. As it is, the place would take slightly more than 50% of my income, but the lifestyle rewards would more than make up for that in my book.

It is indeed a lovely house in a lovely pocket valley with lovely vineyards, a spectacular view, a half-hour walk from my friend’s barn with her two horses, and a couple of blocks away from the covered riding arena. When I asked what the facilities fee was for the riding arena, I was told there is no fee.

Also, plenty of room in the house for Julian, should he wish to take refuge on a Canadian Indian Band reservation, with a very aggressive attitude towards independence from whitey’s Big Sweatervest in Ottawa. If the RCMP or, god forbid, the Yanks, set foot on the Rez for the purposes of nabbing Jules, there would be an international armed uprising the like if which hasn’t been seen since we Canucks looted and burned the White House. So, either way this is a win for a revolutionary, right? AMIRITE?

He's all like, I dunno, whatever you say, raincoaster

He’s all like, I dunno, whatever you say, raincoaster

Homesteading 101

Scott McGillivray needs to call me

Scott McGillivray needs to call me

Well, I’ve found my first project for Panorama Palace. The long-term plan is of course to buy some land and coax Scott McGillivray to come over and help me convert it into an income suite and a honeymoon suite, just in case the project drags on, you know. He’ll need somewhere to stay. With me. I’m just trying to be practical here, ya know?

But it’s best to start small and work your way up to something bigger, so I’ve got my eye on this as a beginner’s handyperson project. It’s practical, as it will assist in taking me off the electrical grid and make me more self-sufficient, power-wise.

That it is also potentially deadly and Frickin’ Awesome entered my mind not at all, oh perish the thought.

Convert a junk TV into a 2000ºF solar cooker. Here’s a technique for hacking a 4 foot mega magnifying lens out of your old TV, and some of the things you can do with it!

Thanks to the safety-conscious Rob Cottingham and his friends on Facebook for the tip. And yes, I’m putting this here in case my lawyer needs this at some point in the future, for what reason I cannot predict.

GPOY: getting run out of town edition

Me being run out of town

Me being run out of town

Had my going away party the other night, and if you missed it, you missed epicness. Epicnosity. Whatever.

One of the things I most enjoy about the Downtown Eastside is showing off how inexpensive things that are fun can be, and when the bills came around at Pat’s Pub in the glamorous Patricia Hotel on East Hastings, there arose a chorus of “SO CHEAP!” I think I’ve made some converts.

It was amusing when an older fellow mistook the Anon mask for some pantomime thing. The mask was a present from Jay, and very handy it came in at picture time, for lo, I never did get downtown to get my makeup done that day. From Pat’s the die-hards went to the Heather, so I’m glad I got to say good-bye to it properly. Smart money says I’ll be back eventually. After seventeen years of going there, it’s hard to break the habit.

What with my newly glittery appearance and glamorous clubbing lifestyle, SOME people are jealous, it seems.

https://twitter.com/GoldieSev/status/308699549118107648

https://twitter.com/ElviraXMontana/status/308745160999718913