Category Archives: Work

shit-eating grins, Nyarlathotep, and LiveJournal

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Satan's Shit-Eating GrinLike many humanoids, I have several friends who use the expression "shit-eating grin" on a regular basis. Probably more than they use their shit-eating grin muscles. And, unfortunately, like most of the world, they're using it wrong.

Every. Single. Time.

The expression "shit-eating grin," which surely deserves to go down in history as one of the 20th Century's greatest contributions to vocabulary (think about it…vocabulary of the 20th Century…you take my point) was originated, like white suits and pretentious hepcatism, by American author Tom Wolfe. It comes from…oh god, I hope I can find it before WordPress goes down again…lately it's been up and down more than a toi- what was I just saying about 20th Century vocab? See!

Ah, bugger it! When in doubt, go to memory. Since I haven't read that piece for at least ten years, I'm quite impressed with my own memory. It's from "Mau-Mauing the Flack-Catchers," of course. And it's the expression the poor white flack-catcher affixes to his face for the duration of his verbal beat-down by the Samoans.Bill Gates Shit-Eating Grin

The man is being paid to go out there and listen to these people, or at least to sit there and take shit and nod as if he's paying attention, and then to go away and undertake lengthy and expensive therapy to forget about the whole thing. And he has to sit there and take this shit with a polite, encouraging smile on his face, which is somewhat hard to do in a room full of hostile, seven-foot, three hundred pound Samoan activists who are pounding on the floor and chanting. And so his grin becomes fixed. It becomes a rictus. It becomes the grimace the kindly country doctor finds on the face of the mindless yet still uncannily animated corpse of the poor sap who only came out to Arkham to do geneological research and has instead glimpsed the undisguised visage of Nyarlathotep and now cannot stop giggling. And crying.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is what a shit-eating grin truly is.

So…

I have one on my face right now, for lo, thanks to Gawker I have found something of value on LiveJournal.

Fuck.

P&Ls and how books make (or don't) money: part the first: the mass market original complete failure

In which I explain how we figure out how much money to pay authors for their advance, and also in which I explain how sometimes books make money and sometimes they don't…

Which is really just a more detailed version of something Lori Dunn did at the Shebeen Club a few months back. Sooo nice to be ahead of Manhattan. Still, I'll be an wizened old grannie by the time Gawker gives ME a shout-out. Mark is so much more accessible!

DeLay Shit-Eating Grin

Retired Military? Not so much

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Old Soldier, a Million Little MedalsNot so much "retired," that is. The US government has just reserved the right to call you back after retirement, indefinitely if it decides to. And by swearing up and down it won't cost much to do this, they were able to bypass the approval processes of something like eight different agencies which would normally be involved.

Take a gander at this, from Cryptome:

Management and Mobilization of Regular and Reserve Retired Military Members

AGENCY: [U.S.] Department of Defense.

ACTION: Interim final rule…
 

Sec.  64.4  Policy.

    (a) It is DoD policy that military retirees be Zombie Soldier frisbeeordered to active duty as needed to perform such duties as the Secretary concerned considers necessary in the interests of national defense as described in 10 U.S.C. 12301 and 688.
    (b) The DoD Components and the Commandant of the U.S. Coast Guard shall plan to use as many retirees as necessary to meet national security needs.
    (c) The military retirees ordered to active duty may be used according to guidance prescribed by the Secretary concerned as follows:
    (1) To fill shortages or to augment deployed or deploying units and activities or units in the Continental United States, Alaska, and Hawaii supporting deployed units.
    (2) To release other military members for deployment overseas.
    (3) Subject to the limitations of 10 U.S.C. 973, Federal civilian workforce shortages in the Department of Defense, the U.S. Coast Guard,
or other Government entities.
    (4) To meet national security needs in organizations outside the Department of Defense with Defense-related missions, if the detail
outside the Department of Defense is approved according to DoD Directive 1000.17.\2\
    (5) To perform other duties that the Secretary concerned considers necessary in the interests of national defense.
    (d) Military retirees shall be ordered to active duty with full pay and allowances. They may not be used to fill mobilization billets in a non-pay status.
    (e) Military retirees serving on active duty may be reassigned to meet the needs of the Military Service.

Old, Sad SoldierBut wait! There is, of course, a feedback process. There's no guarantee whatsoever that they will read, much less respond to your feedback, but you are cordially invited to tell them what you think of this policy of geriatric zombie soldier resurrection. At least they promise to pay the geezers, so although it is involuntary labour, it's not techically slavery. Until someone decides to bill them for room and board…wait for it:

DATES: This rule is effective April 18, 2006. Comments must be received
by June 19, 2006.

ADDRESSES: You may submit comments, identified by docket number and/or
RIN number and title, by any of the following methods:
    Federal eRulemaking Portal: http://www.regulations.gov.

Follow the instructions for submitting comments.
    Mail: Federal Docket Management System Office, 1160
Defense Pentagon, Washington, DC 20301-1160.
    Instructions: All submissions received must include the agency name
and docket number or Regulatory Information Number (RIN) for this
Federal Register document. The general policy for comments and other
submissions from members of the public is to make these submissions
available for public viewing on the Internet at http://regulations.gov

as they are received without change, including any personal identifiers
or contact information.

FOR FURTHER INFORMATION CONTACT: Daniel Kohner, 703-693-7479,
Dan.Kohner@osd.mil.

FVZA logo

BC Book and Magazine Week

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They say that in order to succeed in any field it is critical to have mentors. More established, experienced practitioners who've been down all the false trails and worked out the kinks, they provide a guideline and touchstone to the newbies. As a gossipiste I have Perez Hilton to look up to, and I have learned a great deal.

Swag rules, baby!

So, both because I know this is a great event that many of my readers will be interested in, AND because James Sherrett offered me a bribe, the raincoaster blog presents:

BC Book and Magazine WeekBC Book and Magazine Week

BC Book & Magazine Week (BCBMW) is a collective project that the Association of Book Publishers of BC (ABPBC) and the BC Association of Magazine Publishers (BCAMP) coordinate annually. This weeklong literary celebration was founded in January 1999 as BC Book Week. In 2001 the event expanded to include the provinces magazine industry in continued celebration of British Columbia's literary arts scene.

This year, BC Book & Magazine Week will run from Saturday, April 22 to 29, 2006, with events hosted throughout the Lower Mainland, Vancouver Island and the Okanagan. BCBMW's purpose is to instill in British Columbians the importance of the local publishing industry and its contributors, writers, photographers and illustrators; it contributes not only to literacy, but to the province's culture and identity as well.

The week re-establishes British Columbia's valuable and dynamic role in the Canadian publishing industry and is an excellent opportunity for the ABPBC and BCAMP to promote and support their members: the publishers of BC books and magazines, and those who make the industry successful – the readers and writers.

As a result of the buzz created by the media, the roster of writers and the fantastic events put on each year, British Columbians are becoming increasingly aware of this annual event that celebrates the richness of BC books and magazines.

Now, the serious poop here is in the blog. If you're a literatus looking for a good time (and who among us is not?) check it out regularly, because it lists all the most bibliotastic book launches, parties, contests, etc within reach of downtown Vancouver. And most of them are free, us not being the type to walk around loaded down with cashola. More of said hot poop on the Upcoming.org listing.

See you there?

Shebeen Club: My Life in Crime

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Truman, very TruTake two: the first attempt at posting this went kapoof!

Apparently, this little press release of mine has stirred up quite a response. The presenter emailed me a bit anxiously, noting that he's in every paper in town today. Funny, that. I found myself to be considerably less upset about it. Good thing he doesn't know Granta is on the list, along with every literary magazine in the US and Canada (all the ones I could find emails for, anyway). Hey, sooner or later everyone comes through Vancouver, and that woman in Georgia said some very nice things in January.

Someone told Maikopunk that the release was "tasteless and glib." While I fully cop to the glibitude, I must protest the characterization of this missive as "tasteless." As with the finest works of the esteemed cinematic genius Mr. John Waters, it is in the very best of Bad Taste.

Vulgar is the new black.Holmes and Watson

 

In any case, her friend was perversely piqued and intrigued by her put-downs, and once I actually posted the word "Harumph" on her blog, signed up for two tickets.

As the great Gawker says,

It's Not Whoring If You Do It For Free

For immediate release: post/forward at will!

Who: The Shebeen Club presents Jeremy Hainsworth, crime reporter extraordinaire

What: My Life in Crime!  When: 7-9pm Tuesday, April 18th, 2006 (3rd Tuesday ea month)

Where: The Shebeen, behind the Irish Heather, 217 Carrall

Why: Voyeurism runs deep, baby! Find out what it really takes to do this job. It’s not all fedoras and dive bars. 

How (much)? $20 before April 14th, $25 thereafter

reservations and media inquiries: lorraine.murphy at gmail dot com.

Admission includes a criminally good dinner/drink combo! This month it will be a Bloody Mary and your choice of blood pudding and a side of fries/salad OR a vegetarian blood orange entree salad. Bloody marvelous!

 Background: https://raincoaster.wordpress.com/2006/03/18/the-shebeen-club-a-history-in-press-releases/ 

Putting the “laughter” in “manslaughter.”

 

With patented black humour, Jeremy will lead us down the dark and twisted alleys of a crime reporter’s life. From paperwork to prison visits, we’ll become one with the sordid underbelly of Vancouver. It’s Blood Alley, so we’re halfway there!

Jeremy will also be discussing (and bringing a copy of) the publication ban on the Pickton trial.

Dress: Clark Kent, Lois Lane, or Raymond Chandler. Ann Rule doesn’t know how to dress!  

Bio: Jeremy Hainsworth is one of a handful of journalists writing for the international media from Vancouver. As B.C correspondent for the AP, he has had the dubious honour of covering the ongoing hearings of alleged serial killer Robert Pickton and the Air India terrorism case. He has freelanced for Reuters, was senior crime reporter for The Calgary Herald, senior editor of Sterling News Service (his office was below that of Conrad Black's partner David Radler), and managing editor of the Dawson Creek daily paper where he covered his first murder from seeing the body to the release of the convicted youths.

He has a diploma in journalism from Langara and a BA from UBC. His work has appeared in many of the world's major newspapers on every continent except Antarctica where penguins cannot read. 

The ShebeenMeet & Mingle 7-7:30

Listen & Learn 7:30-8

Wistful reminiscences of hookers with hearts of gold 8-9

 

Thought for the Day

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