the way of Nigella

Why hello there Nigella!Hello, boys!

There’s one celebrity cook the men will always tune in for, and it’s former It-Girl, now It-Woman Nigella Lawson. As famous for filling out her sweaters as she is for deep-frying Dove bars, she may be the Private Benjamin or Lisa Douglas of the kitchen, but she’s to be congratulated on bringing the sexy back to food. Martha Stewart, by comparison, is a prim Edna Mode prescribing sauteed zucchini blossoms not because they’re yummy, but because they’ll look good with the seared squab. Mario Batali is some kind of cross between Trimalchio and Mr. Creosote, swelling visibly on-camera till he threatens to burst his Crocs.

But Nigella, while she has an alarming tendency to take up with the wrong kind of fellow, does have an endearingly earthy style. In other words, she turns the men into testosterone-addled horndogs and reminds the women about all their appetites, which is a public service of a sort.

Here’s The Way of Nigella, a piece in The Morning News from a couple of years back, dropped in a comment on Gawker for which I will find the credit later (have I mentioned I’m lazy?). Nigella on raising your own shrimp, preparing soothing comfort food, and dining out at cheap Chinese counters:

I’ve found that it is hard to find good shrimp, and Nigella, the English Muffinso I’ve started farming them myself. To the inexperienced onlooker, two-phased intensive shrimp farming might seem like a daunting task. While it is hard work, I always feel rewarded. How I just love the marine smell of raw feed on my hands. From hatchery to grow-out pond, I am responsible for keeping out disease, looking after salinity conditions, and making sure that there is enough circulation in the water. When I look into my special concrete larval tanks, I am looking at thousands, if not millions, of potential shrimp-kabobs. It is the perfect blend of embracing nature – my private bountiful sea – and expectantly knowing that I’ll be feasting on lemon-buttered scampi over linguini that results ultimately in blissful domestic satisfaction.

Iraq: how to cut and run, by Lt. Gen. WILLIAM E. ODOM

This was linked by idlex over on the Bojo blog, and a very interesting read it is, too. The current situation in Iraq is morally, fiscally, and militarily unsupportable, and now that the election is over it can’t even be explained away by the need to pimp the vote. Surely Bush can’t hope to keep this horrible, blood-sucking, pointless conflict going long enough to have an impact on the next federal election…he’s not a complete microcephalic moron.

Oh, right.

In any case, the descent of Iraq into civil war is at this point inevitable, as it may indeed have been from the outset. When you remove a dictator and fail to replace him immediately with at least a bureaucracy that will make the trains run on time, you doom yourself to the futile and deadly task of attempting to keep an order that simply does not exist to be kept.

Here is the step by step instruction manual on How to Cut and Run, by someone who knows what he’s talking about, unlike those chickenhawks in the White House Cabal.

We could lead the Mideast to peace, but only if we stop refusing to do the right thing

By William E. Odom
Lt. Gen. WILLIAM E. ODOM (Ret.) is a senior fellow at the Hudson Institute and a professor at Yale University.

October 31, 2006

THE UNITED STATES upset the regional balance in the Middle East when it invaded Iraq. Restoring it requires bold initiatives, but “cutting and running” must precede them all. Only a complete withdrawal of all U.S. troops — within six months and with no preconditions — can break the paralysis that now enfeebles our diplomacy. And the greatest obstacles to cutting and running are the psychological inhibitions of our leaders and the public.

Our leaders do not act because their reputations are at stake. The public does not force them to act because it is blinded by the president’s conjured set of illusions: that we are reducing terrorism by fighting in Iraq; creating democracy there; preventing the spread of nuclear weapons; making Israel more secure; not allowing our fallen soldiers to have died in vain; and others.

But reality can no longer be avoided. It is beyond U.S. power to prevent bloody sectarian violence in Iraq, the growing influence of Iran throughout the region, the probable spread of Sunni-Shiite strife to neighboring Arab states, the eventual rise to power of the anti-American cleric Muqtada Sadr or some other anti-American leader in Baghdad, and the spread of instability beyond Iraq. All of these things and more became unavoidable the day that U.S. forces invaded.

These realities get worse every day that our forces remain in Iraq. They can’t be wished away by clever diplomacy or by leaving our forces in Iraq for several more years…

West Side Story: The Zombie Version

aka 45 Years Later

Office Space, the slasher pic trailer

via Fark. We always knew someone would push Milton too far one day. Best slasher trailer since Sleepless in Seattle.

po po OW! K-Fed-Ex text message transcript

po po yowza! Who wears the pants in this family and who wears the manpris?My good friend engtech has passed along the transcript of the Britney-K-Fed-Ex dumping text message exchange. This top-secret document was no doubt leaked by the very hacker who cracked Paris Hilton‘s sidekick. What would we do without celebrity-obsessed hackers? We’d have to write our own bloody blog content, that’s what, and nobody wants to see that happen.

Here’s a slice of the transcript, available at drivl.com, which has the makings of my new spiritual home, via engtech.

Britney: hey kev, y’all remember when i was hot?

Kevin: po po yeah, i wuz like dayum bitches i hit the jackpot!

Britney: well i just crapped out federline junior #2, and i worked, like, super hard to lose all that weight and y’all haven’t said nothin. i even did a couple of, whatya call ’em, where you sit up a buncha times…anyway, i cut down to eating only three bags of cheetos a day, and that was hard!

Kevin: po po cheetos are off the hook fo sho…