Britney(?) sex tape not Britney

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Britney says hi boys!Awwww. Turns out that the rumoured “Britney sex tape” isn’t Britney. Fleshbot has the final word, as well as the actual video, so satisfy your… curiosity yeah, that’s it, curiosity, with this link.

But on the other hand, the hopes and dreams of millions of men who were kinda sorta hoping she’d be better at giving head are preserved.

The Democrats have the House.

The Democrats may take the Senate. 

Rummy is out of a job.

And Britney Spears is a free woman and could, possibly, be really good at giving head.

It’s Springtime in America!

still not quite dead

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Just slept 20 hours. I guess I must have needed it, but I slept right through my latest chance to meet the mayor. Ah well Sam, we’ll get to you eventually. I’ve got the Pivot Auction tonight, though, so no napping for me no matter how addled I get; this one’s unmissable.

hi K-Fed, u b Fed-Ex now lol

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This is simply charming. Perez Hilton, Canuckistan‘s favorite Cuban, has posted this footage of K-Fed on MuchMusic the day before Britney filed the big D on his sorry wigger ass. He spent the entire day with a camera crew clamped to his leg like a shackle, filming some reality show nobody’s ever heard of, this episode of which has just increased in value by a factor of twenty.

If I and the entire magnitude of Canada, gay America, and Gawker Media (some overlap here, admittedly) are not mistaken, the text message he receives over dinner contains the tender “Dear K-Fed, bye y’all” message the world has so long waited for. Watch and judge for yourself.

Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.

the T factor: Belgian vs crocodile

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kid vs croc, somebody call Steve Irwin!You don’t need to be a math genius to lay the odds on this one.

Yes, dunking your fleshy paw in the water and splashing is a great way to attract a crocodile. Works every time.

What’s not such a good idea is the whole “attracting a crocodile” part. Is Belgian sashimi as tasty as Belgian fries? There’s one crocodile in Australia who knows for sure, but I’m not gonna do the interview unless it’s by sattelite.

News.com.au has the story:

Queensland Parks and Wildlife Service (QPWS) spokesman Mark Read says the 24-year-old male tourist splashed water to “attract a crocodile” to photograph it at Cape Tribulation, about 350km north of Cairns, today.

“It wasn’t a good idea,” Dr Reid said.

Thank you, Dr. Reid, for that insight. Can you translate that into Walloon for me? Tourist season is just starting.

Yoohoo! Over here!!!

Britney Spears(?) sex tape trailer

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hey y'all! I'm not trashy!

UPDATE: golly, this sure seems to be a popular post. Wonder if anyone will read the rest of our posts about Britney and this notorious video.

Yup, yesterday she lost her claim that the very rumour of the tape’s existence is defamatory (judge’s reasoning: come on people, she’s Britney Spears! Like she wouldn’t bang the hell out of her husband on tape while he watched the playoffs or something. Puh-leeze!) and today, the first full day of her official long march to divorce, nineteen seconds of that rumoured to be alleged Britney Spears reported “sex tape” has been posted to PornoTube, and is up on Fleshbot.

Verdict: sure looks like her, in her black-haired phase. This was, therefore, and completely hypothetically, post-impregnation, somewhere around the time of the Harper’s Bazaar cover shot, meaning Britney, if it was Britney, would have been six or more months along. UPDATE: Titania on Gawker notes that her hair was dyed dark for her wedding as well, so this could be from the honeymoon. You can’t tell from this part; you don’t get to see the woman’s body. And you can’t see the guy’s face at all…that’s not where the camera and the woman are focused, if you get my meaning, nudge nudge.

Come one, come all. Or rather, “y’all.”

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