Our Traci Lords, who art in Heaven

Posted on by

It seems a bit odd, but maybe only to me, that increasingly I have come to testify to the awesomeness of former porn star Traci Lords. Why would a prude (or circumscribed prude) such as myself be all YEAH SHE IS AWESOME? Well, I’ll be happy to tell you but happier to show you. My first exposure to Traci Lords was by clicking in, by accident, to Whoopi Goldberg’s talk show in the 90’s, about halfway through, long past the use of personal pronouns. I had no idea who this woman was; I just knew that her charity work was amazing, and informed by an intelligence that was not circumscribed by any set of cultural blinkers. Watch and learn.

and recently she came forward about the Steubenville rapes, to testify to a rape culture in the town, a culture which contributed to her own rape, at the age of ten. She was the first and (as far as I can see) only person to talk about the fact the victim was ejaculated and peed upon. She’s turned that experience into the music video Stupidville, and I applaud her for it.

Just. Fine. Thank. You.

Posted on by

Audible punctuation in my sentences is always a bad sign. If I also narrow my eyes while. enunciating. clearly. , adopt a defensive posture IMMEDIATELY: Stop, drop and roll and if you’re lucky you won’t be hit by the fallout. If you’re really clever, you’ll keep on rolling to the liquor cabinet and roll back with a very large, very cold stirred Botanist Martini for me.

and how was yours, motherfucker?

and how was yours, motherfucker?

“It’s not a done deal.”

There are many points in life when you don’t want to hear those words, but I’d venture to say that among the very mostest so is the seventeenth of the month when you are expecting to move into the house on the first of the next month. From your landlord.

Or maybe not-landlord.

Particularly having packed up everything you own and thrown it in storage at a cost, thanks to enthusiastic but amateur labour, of about $300 more than one had budgeted for labour.

THIS is my fortune?

THIS is my fortune? From lunch Saturday.

I. God. Damn. Well. Better. Be.

The possibility exists that he’s hoping to leverage my desperation against the price of the rent and pop it up by a hundred or so a month, which would frankly make this a non-possibility for me; I took that off the table immediately by being upfront about how much I do and do not earn in a month. As it is, the place would take slightly more than 50% of my income, but the lifestyle rewards would more than make up for that in my book.

It is indeed a lovely house in a lovely pocket valley with lovely vineyards, a spectacular view, a half-hour walk from my friend’s barn with her two horses, and a couple of blocks away from the covered riding arena. When I asked what the facilities fee was for the riding arena, I was told there is no fee.

Also, plenty of room in the house for Julian, should he wish to take refuge on a Canadian Indian Band reservation, with a very aggressive attitude towards independence from whitey’s Big Sweatervest in Ottawa. If the RCMP or, god forbid, the Yanks, set foot on the Rez for the purposes of nabbing Jules, there would be an international armed uprising the like if which hasn’t been seen since we Canucks looted and burned the White House. So, either way this is a win for a revolutionary, right? AMIRITE?

He's all like, I dunno, whatever you say, raincoaster

He’s all like, I dunno, whatever you say, raincoaster

The Best St. Patrick’s Day Joke you’ve never heard I AM TELLING YOU

Posted on by
St Patrick driving the snakes out of Ireland

St Patrick driving the snakes out of Ireland

FACT.

Homesteading 101

Posted on by
Scott McGillivray needs to call me

Scott McGillivray needs to call me

Well, I’ve found my first project for Panorama Palace. The long-term plan is of course to buy some land and coax Scott McGillivray to come over and help me convert it into an income suite and a honeymoon suite, just in case the project drags on, you know. He’ll need somewhere to stay. With me. I’m just trying to be practical here, ya know?

But it’s best to start small and work your way up to something bigger, so I’ve got my eye on this as a beginner’s handyperson project. It’s practical, as it will assist in taking me off the electrical grid and make me more self-sufficient, power-wise.

That it is also potentially deadly and Frickin’ Awesome entered my mind not at all, oh perish the thought.

Convert a junk TV into a 2000ºF solar cooker. Here’s a technique for hacking a 4 foot mega magnifying lens out of your old TV, and some of the things you can do with it!

Thanks to the safety-conscious Rob Cottingham and his friends on Facebook for the tip. And yes, I’m putting this here in case my lawyer needs this at some point in the future, for what reason I cannot predict.

DramaSec: unintended side-effects

Posted on by
The fearsome Goofy Elk

The fearsome Goofy Elk

One of the unintended side-effects of staring too long at a DramaSec op (previously known as Dramz, Flamewars, or Fucking Pointless Internet Drama Put Your Big Girl Panties On And Cut It Out FFS) is the contagion of the Derp Factor.

You have been warned.