Monthly Archives: July 2006

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Mindless filler about the time I was in the Catholic girls’ school in Indonesia with the CIA agent

Or at least I think she was a CIA agent. Stop me if you’ve heard this one, but it’s a good one so stop me very gently. With chocolate.

Wasn’t that a line in Heathers?

Part Two is here.

Anyway, so there I was, with the CIA agent. She told me she was a fabric expert and doll collector, and she and her husband owned a computer consulting company back in Alexandria, Virginia. And they weren’t the least bit like a married couple, but that’s neither here nor there. When they were in Asia they spoke German to one another, and when they were in Europe they spoke Thai, so nobody would know what they were saying.

Two wholesome Americans who just happened to be from Alexandria, Virginia and who just happened to speak several different languages, and who just happened to have spent six months on Bali for no particular reason.

So there we were in Ambon. Let me tell you about Ambon.

It’s an armpit. It’s the armpit of Satan’s smelly friend that even Satan can’t stand. The people are very nice, though. And they have a lot of handicrafts. Tons and tons of handicrafts. Oyster-shell bas-reliefs were very popular, set on red or black velvet and yes, there was an Elvis there although there tended to be more in the way of florals, koi, and Yangtse vistas, the Chinese market being the most prosperous. And there were wee tchochkes made of cloves. It’s the Spice Islands, right? Lots and lots of things made of cloves. Boxes. Pirate ship scale models. Castles. Unicorns. And you know what? Cloves are hideous to look at. Seriously, they look like the dried tonails of a poisonous lizard or something.

So there was a dearth of good souvenirs in Ambon. So, naturally, the CIA agent (female operative; or at least she seemed to operate just fine to the naked eye) and I decided to steal Alain’s Lonely Planet guidebook, for yea, even the CIA is useless in foreign territory without said Lonely Planet, and set off for Rinkamaya, which the Lonely Planet said was the best souvenir shop in town.

So we went. And, 45-minutes later we stood outside said Rinkamaya, which had streams of little girls in uniforms and big nuns in habits going in and out of the doors. The CIA agent and I looked at one another and we agreed, “This is a Catholic girls’ school.”

She was all for leaving, but I hadn’t braved a 45-minute, death-defying ride in a pedicab for nothing, and I’d be damned if I was going home with a fucking clove-stick Elvis, so in we went.

A tiny Indonesia nun was the first to see us. Her eyes got huge and she hissed, “Engerissss!” and made patting motions with her hands before disappearing entirely. The CIA agent took this to mean that firepower was imminent, and suggested we leave again. I resisted, faking more knowledge of Indonesian hand gestures than I actually had.

We stood there for about fifteen minutes while little girls ran in, laughed at us, and ran away again. Some of them came several times, and I am grateful to have brought such joy to the lives of some apparently entertainment-starved children.

Eventually, a huge nun materialized. Seriously, she was about the size of a Packard and about the same vintage; she’d been on Ambon since the Second World War, and she was “the” nun who spoke English, although with a heavy Dutch accent. She said, “You’re here for souvenirs. Come this way,” and proceeded to lead us through a maze of cubicles made of solid teak panels four feet across. We wound our way through there for so long even I, with all my Girl Guide and orienteering awards, couldn’t have picked North out of a catalog, but finally we ended up in the center, which was, as advertised, a souvenir shop.

I’ll have to tell you about the vampire later, time’s up at the Internet Cafe!

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today in “experiencing technical difficulty” news

Just because I don’t post anything for 72 hours, is that any reason to abandon me??? Have you no idea what this does to my self-esteem? It’s like the Tink death scene in Peter Pan; every time I get a hit that isn’t looking for mango porn I perk up a bit. Anything less than 300 and I am prone to sudden fainting spells.

On that note I would like to welcome the person who came via a search for “why is everyone looking for charo,” because we are, indeed, all about the Charo here on the raincoaster blog.

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BC moves to evict 13 more low-income people in Vancouver

Box Houses, from Hope in Shadows 2006 calendar by Pivot Legal Society; the photo was taken by an 11-year-old 

From Pivot Legal Society:

Province moves to evict 13 more low-income peopleVancouver –Vancouver Coastal Health has issued an order to tenants of the Powell Rooms lodging house at 556 Powell Street stating that the building would be closed today, Wednesday, July 26, 2006 at 5:00 p.m due to health reasons. Coastal Health has made no provision for relocating the 13 people that live at the Powell Rooms, including one terminally ill individual.The order, issued a week ago by Dr. F.J. Blatherwick of Vancouver Coastal Health, lists four reasons for the hotel closure: (1) lack of hot water, (2) pest infestations, (3) non-functioning washrooms and (4) garbage accumulating in a City of Vancouver lane.David Eby, a lawyer with Pivot Legal Society, learned of the order on Monday and visited the lodging house on Tuesday with a team of volunteer trades-people and community members.  The repairs to the hot water tank were completed within minutes, and all the toilets were found to be in working order.  A removal service has been contracted to remove garbage from the back lane.  No evidence was found of mice, cockroaches or bedbugs, although a pest control service has also been engaged to conduct a full inspection. 

“Its fairly shocking that the Coastal Health Authority, responsible for ensuring the health and well-being of the community, would rather force people onto the street than ensure some very basic repairs are done,” said Eby.  “It would have been a simple matter for Dr. Blatherwick to order the steps we’ve taken today to be done, and any health hazards be cleaned up.”

The City of Vancouver also has the power under City bylaws to order repairs and maintenance to Downtown Eastside lodging houses and hotels.  However, although the Powell Rooms building was inspected regularly by the City, there have been no City Standards of Maintenance Orders for the lodging house since November of 2001.

“It boils down to community volunteers doing the job of Coastal Health and the City because, for some reason, they would rather close hotels than ensure that they are livable,” said Eby.  “If the government won’t do its job and protect low-income people from losing their homes, what will happen to the Olympic commitment to prevent homelessness?”

The pending closure of the Powell Rooms (25 units) and the ongoing closure of the Lucky Lodge (48 units total) by the City and the Province follows the dramatic closures of the Burns Block hotel (18 units) and the Pender Hotel (36 units) in March, 2006.  These rooms, together with rooms lost due to rent increases brings the total of low-income units lost or under imminent threat to 375 for the first seven months of 2006.

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Further Comment:    David Eby (778) 865-7997 – Pivot Legal Society

Dr. F.J. Blatherwick (604)675-3804 – Vancouver Coastal Health

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The 2010 Inner-City Inclusivity Commitment to protect low-income housing and ensure that people are not made homeless was part of the Vancouver Bid Book, the formal application to host the Olympic Games. 

To read the Inclusivity Commitment Statement, click here

About Pivot Legal Society
Pivot’s mandate is to take a strategic approach to social change, using the law to address the root causes that undermine the quality of life of those most on the margins.   We believe that everyone, regardless of income, benefits from a healthy and inclusive community where values such opportunity, respect and equality are strongly rooted in the law. 

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how not to JDate, the soundtrack

David Kraut, soundtracker to How Not to JDate, the soon-to-be-movie-of-the-weekIt seems I win my bet. The How Not to JDate story lives on in music. “What oft was thought, but ne’er so well expressed.”

From PR Differently:

>Check this out…
>
>http://www.myspace.com/dkraut
>
>Click on “Do the right thing.”
>
>I nearly lost my shit, it was so funny.

Let no man say the grass grows under songwriter David Kraut‘s feet.

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war: a new vision

Tampon Warrior!Remember all those dopey hippie sayings like, “If war is the answer, what was the question” and “Make love, not war” and “what if they gave a war and nobody came?” Well those hippies are all growed up now and, thanks to the changes in draft eligibility, possibly on their way to Afghanistan or Iraq right now.

Critical ammunitions shortages have made the US uncharacteristically cautious about spending their precious ordnance, so we at the raincoaster blog have a suggestion. A radical suggestion. One which integrates the hippie Free Love aesthetic with the Imperialist invasive one. One which could change the very nature of war.

We suggest the deployment and use of the tampon gun.

From BoingBoing:

Tampon gun
TamponCrafts has published a HOWTO for building a paintball-style gun for firing tampons:

Inspired by marshmallow shooters, this air-powered tampon gun turns your feminine hygiene products into high-flying projectiles. Have a shootout between rival tampon brands, or use it as a fun alternative to paintball. The tampon shooter has a range of 10 to 20 feet depending on your ammo and lung capacity. The matching bandolier lets you carry a full “clip” (i.e., box) of 20 tampons, so you’ll never be caught short in the heat of battle.

Link

I defy any army to be able to continue fighting under a barrage of fluffy, white tampons. Although, given the dioxin component in the bleach used, it could well violate chemical weapons sanctions. Something to think about…