It is with a heavy heart that I inform that infinitesimal percentage of the world not already in deep mourning that Calvert deForest (Larry “Bud” Melman), who lived his life like a cheap, smelly cigar in the wind, has gone to that great Green Room in the Sky. David Letterman, who gave “Melman” his start in show business, is reported to be inconsolable.

Cheap, Smelly, Old-Man’s Cigar in the Wind

 

Goodbye butt of jokes,
may you ever bitch, groan and whine.
You were the ass that placed himself
where you’d be a bad punchline.
You called out to our slackers,
and you babbled to insomniacs.
Now you belong to heaven,
and the stars know you were whack.
And it seems to me you lived your life
like a curmudgeon in the wind:
never getting even one clue
when Letterman set in.
And your footsteps will always thud here,
along New York’s sleazy halls;
your cigar’s burned out long before
you ever lost your balls.
Crankiness we’ve lost;
these empty nights without your roar.
This torch we’ll always carry
for our nation’s favorite bore.
And even though we try,
the truth brings us to tears;
all our words cannot express
the joy you brought us through the years.
Goodbye New York’s joke,
from a country lost, without a soul,
who’ll miss the chance to laugh at you
more than you’ll ever know.

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