Celebrate an Intimate Hanukah

How is this menorah different from all other menorahs?

How is this menorah different from all other menorahs?

Okay, people, it’s NOT JUST ME and my dirty mind that sees something odd about this menorah.

Is it?

Because sure, it looks like a nice, gay-friendly, low-profile, modern menorah.

But it also looks a hell of a lot like a string of anal beads.

Remove candles before use.

PS thanks to, uh, Kate Spade New York for the link? I really, really don’t think they saw the same thing I did here. Kate Spade has impeccable taste. Uh. Tastes.

Christmas in Canuckistan

Tom Gold's Canadian Christmas

Tom Gold's Canadian Christmas

Merry Christmas, eh!

It has come to our attention here at Operation Global Media Domination’s Mountain Lair that not everyone around the world celebrates Christmas the way we here in the People’s Republic of Canuckistan do. In Belgium they prepare their children for abduction by the loathesome Black Peter, while in Spain there’s something about six or eight black men…I didn’t really follow that part…and in Australia, of course, where it’s the height of summer, they spend the solstice season celebrating the birth of Archie.

This is how we celebrate the season in my country:

HOCKEY!

BITCHING ABOUT WORK!

Union Lightbulbs

Union Lightbulbs

OCCUPYING!

Occupy Christmas

Occupy Christmas

PRETENDING INSTEAD OF ACTUALLY SINGING OUT LOUD!

DRINKING!

Now THAT is a Canadian Christmas

Now THAT is a Canadian Christmas

What else is there when you can’t afford to shop? Oh, right, work for awesome clients who pay in cases of wine instead of cash! This is my favorite way to get my Christmas shopping done, actually.

Cheers!

Ecumenical Holiday Unicorn Chaser Roundup

Katamari Damancy Christmas Katamari

Katamari Damancy Christmas Katamari

Christmas is coming and Hanukah is here already, so here’s an equal-time hump day Unicorn Chaser to freshen up the longest week of the year on the longest night. Light it up with this innovative, nerd-resonant solution to your seasonal decorating challenges: the Katamari Damancy Christmas … Thing.

Equal time: Zebranukah

Hanukah in black and white

Hanukah in black and white

Who says there are no Jews in Africa?

Hey, FLASHBACK TIME!

Tinfoil Christmas

Tinfoil Christmas

The thing about these tinfoil trees was you were supposed to buy one of those rotating multicoloured spotlights so it wasn’t actually prettily silver or colourless; it would throb alternately in red, blue, yellow, and green, like a pagan discotheque on Mars. If you tried to use one of these things nowadays, you’d probably scramble cellphone signals for a square kilometer around. Comedy gold.

But let’s not see it as Two Solitudes; let’s see it as partners.

Hanukah and Christmas kittehs

Hanukah and Christmas kittehs

Oh don’t they just look SO pleased to be celebrating the season together? You can’t see Druid Kitteh, as he was up in a tree at the time this photo was taken.

and, last but not least, in fact foremost in Unicorn Chaserianism, is this video of puppies playing under the tree. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww…

Kim Jong Il: welcome to Antenora

Kim Jong Il my urine will bring us victory

Kim Jong Il my urine will bring us victory

There’s no use wishing Kim Jong-Il will rest in peace, because that would be the farthest thing from justice this or any other world could perpetrate. If it weren’t such a long walk, I’d put my dancing shoes on for this. Instead, in keeping with my new mantle of professionalism, I have decided to make this exclusive photojournalism report on Kim Jong-Il‘s journey to Antenora, the Second Round of the Ninth Circle of HellFirst, let’s remember the Beloved Leader as he was in life:

Yep, that’s pretty much it. Now direct to our exclusive coverage, featuring pix from those intrepid photogs over at the World’s Suddenly Least Purposeful Blog, KimJongIlLookingAtThings.

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A Very Morbid Christmas from Calvin and Hobbes

While out on the lawn...

While out on the lawn...

It has recently come to our attention that since beginning our new gig at theDailyDot we have been lax in our usual seasonally-orientated postificationing of slightly altered Christmas Carol videos, Cthulhu references, and mashups. To make up for the deficit, here is the platonic ideal of a raincoaster Christmas blog post: a frosty, yet haunted tableau of the vast and twisted array of demented, cannibalistic snowmen created by that diminutive genius, Calvin of Calvin and Hobbes. And yes, it’s been thirty years.

GOD WE’RE OLD.