Monthly Archives: September 2006

things I have not found blogworthy recently

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And here I thought I wasn’t jaded. Now that's what I call broadband!

  • the naked guy in the park on the night of the last full moon, who came out of the bushes to admire Hermione’s very snazzy blue scooter, but had to go back in shortly to protect his … I think it was a pot of gold?…something like that…from the “scary people you get around here.”
  • the contents of the grille around the base of a small maple tree on the sidewalk in Chinatown: eight cigarette butts, three needles, one syringe, several Chinese candy wrappers, three old lottery tickets.
  • the contents of the grille around the base of a small maple tree in Yaletown: eight cigarette butts, six with lipstick, and one Champagne cork.
  • the time we all had to evacuate the bus when the guy who had been talking about Dostoyevsky got up to give his seat to a woman with a baby and a rig fell out of his pocket.
  • the fact that the next vehicle with which I interacted was a Lamborghini, which made it all better.
  • the fact that the amazing healing powers of the Lamborghini have previously been unreported.
  • the peculiar incident of the dog in the night-time. And Nina. And the homeless guys. Long story…some other time, perhaps.
  • the fact that every Segway ever made turns out to be disastrously faulty and dangerous, so the Segway‘s been recalled. Just like the US 2004 election…oh, wait…

VampireFreaks fundraiser for Montreal Children’s Hospital

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from, obviously, VampireFreaks. Again I say, I’m just not seeing all these Goth-bashing articles they’re whining about (links, please?), but I’m perfectly fine with Saint Sebastian Syndrome in somebody else if it raises money for sick kids.

Goth Help Us

VampireFreaks and GothHelpUs present:

The VF Charity Fundraiser

Welcome to the Vampirefreaks Charity fundraiser. Here we are raising money to donate to charity, to help people in need, and to show the world that goths are not the scary, evil criminals that some people make us out to be.

Unfortunately, Vampirefreaks.com and gothic culture in general has been receiving negative press, most recently for a school shooting in montreal where the criminal was a member of this website. It was a very tragic event and it’s unfortunate that the faults of one user has been attributed to our site and goth culture in general. In response to these events, we have been watching the site more closely and also asking users to be on their best behavior and show that we are a friendly and caring community. A few members have taken it upon themselves to get involved with local charities, and I applaud you for your efforts.

Vampirefreaks is now officially hosting a charity fundraiser for the Montreal Children’s Hospital Foundation, towards providing hospital care to children in Montreal. We have chosen this charity because Montreal is the city that was affected by this tragic event and we would like to help out children in need [Montreal Children’s Hospital is also the charity chosen by Anastasia DeSousa‘s family for donations in her name].

All members who donate will be listed on this page as a thank you for your support, and if you donate $50 (US dollars) or more, you will receive a free 1 year premium membership.

Operation Global Media Domination: Nawked

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TIAThat’s not a strange Britishism; it’s the word for when Gawker uses not just one, but two of the YouTubes you posted in a single day without referencing you even indirectly. And no, it’s not carryover bitterness from the time I gave them Cold Desert’s Absolut ads and they didn’t gimme so much as a “via raincoaster.” No, I’m so over that! 

Perish the thought!

Well, at least Metafilter gave me the luv, which was worth a good 1200 hits in one day, and, bizarrely, Chubby Bunny seems to be going viral, days after the posting, leaving all mango porno-related posts in the compost heap. I guess there’s a lag time with marshmallows: who knew?

Other link-luvvers include CBS News (FFS!), Digg, WordPress.com, TotalFark, an awful lot of self-hating people who clicked through when I told the readers chez Guido to go fuck themselves, and VampireFreaks, which brings us to…

Kimveer Gill’s Blog continues to be popular with illiterate teenagers who hate everyone and only want to be left alone because they’re peaceful, loving people and who have come to my blog to threaten me for saying otherwise, although I hadn’t, but they wouldn’t know that because they, of course, don’t read the post or the comments. Occasional flashes of insight are posted in that thread by people who don’t know the saying about pearls before swine; the latest swine was someone pretending to be Anastasia deSousa’s brother. His IP is 24.236.230.153 if anyone is interested in taking it up with him.

Hits indicate that everyone is still interested in Beautiful Agony, Blackzilla, and watching Steve Irwin die. Except me. Oh, and some reaaaaaaaly longtailers are just catching on to Lucy Gao now.

BTW, I have five bucks riding on my whining getting me banned from Gawker. Time will tell; they won’t wake up for another ten hours.

air sex champ licks himself into shape

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Seriously, you cannot beat this headline. via, um, can’t remember but with a headline like that is must be FARK.

virgin and the living dead. Sounds like the Roxy

Japan’s air sex world champion licks himself into shape

Japan has recently claimed the world air guitar championship, but Weekly Playboy (10/2) notes that less well known is that Japan already had a world champ in another virtual sport — air sex!

Just like air guitar pits competitors prancing around on stage empty handed but acting as though they were playing a hot riff, air sex requires players to simulate sauciness as though with a partner, but actually while alone.

“Air sex was originally invented by guys who Carell is too cute, though.couldn’t get girlfriends, but desperately want to have sex,” J-Taro Sugisaku, the self-professed creator of air sex, tells Weekly Playboy…

“You must be warned, though air sex can be very dangerous,” Sugisaku says. “Normally what happens with a display is that you perform the same way you normally would when having sex. I’ve seen guys who put on air sex shows that clearly display they’re still virgins. I’ve also seen other guys perform such incredibly authentic fake fellatio that nobody has been left in any doubt that they could only be bisexual. Let me reiterate: Air sex can be dangerous.”

Japan’s reigning air sex world champion is a feller who goes by the name of Cobra. His theory for successful air sex is that it involves more than just blowing…

Cobra then proceeds to put on an 8 1/2-minute display of air sex for the weekly, with moves including ear nibbling, sphincter licking, attaching a condom while kissing, ejaculation and afterglow. Cobra says that the knack of bogus bonking lies in openness.

“You can’t care about what women watching your performance are thinking about you. When you get down to air sex, you’ve got to immerse yourself in the air sex world,” Cobra says. “Air sex can’t be performed in half-measures. If it is, you’re only asking for trouble.”

Wow, so men can’t fake it either.

Like a virgin...yet unlike

the T factor; thieving Italians in Vancouver

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Anybody know these guys? The link to the video was posted over at Waiterblog, so believe me, they’d better not dine out in Vancouver again. I don’t know why, but chefs here tend to be both burly and armed with an interesting and vast assortment of very sharp implements.

Two dirty italians decide to film their dinner and a dash in Vancouver BC. This happened on February 2005. The restaurant was the Rugby Beach Grille. Alessio says: “their service one night sucked real bad and they were rude…so we decided to come back and get our money’s worth…”
Well done boys.