Q&A with John Waters

John Waters Merry Christmas! 

Nowadays there are very few good sides to Nerve.com, but one that remains is the barefaced outspokenness of their content. I can’t think of another media outlet that would allow their readers to interview John Waters and run the answers unexpurgated.

While Waters doesn’t seem to be in his best, most overcaffeinated and loopy form here, it’s nonetheless amusing and never less than honest. Want to know what freaks out the freakmaster? Read on…Here’s a sample.

“What is the most filthy, vile, and disgusting thing you’ve personally ever heard of or thought of? Does the wide availability of subversive information on the internet play a role in this?”
Well, I think that’s where I heard about blossoms, which I found especially repellant. Which is where men — well, I guess women, but I’ve only found men — have been fist-fucked so much that their anuses are outside of their ass, like a cauliflower. And they compare who has the biggest blossom. I found that fairly appalling.
Jesus Christ.
[laughs] I don’t think that’s been topped. I’ve heard about “ultimate nudity,” which I don’t know is real or not; some men, probably in Los Angeles, where it would seem to be more appropriate, have the skin of their testicles removed and replaced with clear plastic on the theory that it’s more erotic to see how the sperm is made. I’ve never seen that, but I hope that’s true…

This one is from Catie, 40, in New York. “In your opinion, how many more years ’til cable television starts airing live executions, and would you watch?”
They did! What do you think Saddam Hussein’s was? I was at a skiing resort, over Christmas and New Year’s, at a beautiful fancy dinner with people in couture and everything, and they were sitting there with laptops watching Saddam Hussein be executed. There was a real photo-op.

John Waters by Peter Krogh

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breaking news from the world of great metaphor: Anna Nicole Smith dead of heart failure

Anna Nicole Smith, mugshotNow there’s a loaded expression.

After retiring from a modelling career that went up and down with the tidal shifts in her saline implants, becoming the human trainwreck hostess of the original Reality TV celebrities-more-fucked-up-than-us show, marrying a wizened zombie with one foot in the grave (nip slip in the wedding photos), hosting a poolside wake for him a few months later and nearly knocking the casket into the water with her drunken antics, sexually assaulting at least one personal assistant, and killing off her eldest child by sharing a Barbaro-sized dose of recreational methadone, Anna Nicole Smith has finally done the right thing by her offspring and has died of the both euphemistic and true-on-so-many-levels heart failure at the Hard Rock Casino resort in Florida.

Do you know anyone else who parties so hard they take a private nurse with them to the Casino?

Update: looks like she needed that nurse!

While it’s a shame when anyone so young is taken, I can’t bring myself to shed a tear for this narcissistic hedonist. Her little girl (paternity still a matter before the courts) is better off without her. If Anna Nicole Smith did an honest, generous act in her life the track record would lead me to believe she did it by accident.

Anna Nicole Smith, party girlDefamer, as always, has the best roundup.

Larry King is back, and he’s confident that the legal system will eventually figure out who’s the father of her newborn daughter Dannielynn. He almost sounds cocky about it, leading us to suspect he’s trying to hint the baby is his, just to prove his incredible virility at an advanced age.

King once again falls into reverie, recalling the time she appeared on his show so drunk and incomprehensible that SNL reran the interview without altering it. She’s compared to Marilyn Monroe (for a variety of reasons), called “not the smartest woman in the world,” but also “fun.” King is clearly working through his feelings on-air.

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is it wrong? musical edition 1.0

So, is it wrong of me to like Pink‘s voice, even though I cannot understand a word she’s singing? Opera lovers do this all the time…

how to act, by Ian McKellen

By way of Ricky Jervais’ Extras:

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Barbaro lying in state

A state of rigor mortis, from the looks of things. Here, from the Onion and by way of David’s American Legends sports blog, is an unforgettable, moving image of a great stallion, cut down in his prime and lying in state.

Bye Bye Barbaro!

“Barbaro was a great horse, but an even better person,” said Cheryl McElroy, still visibly shaken after filing past Barbaro‘s coffin and placing a single red rose upon it. “He taught us how to triumph over adversity and how to persevere in the face of overwhelming odds. He showed us that anyone could win the Kentucky Derby if they just believed in themselves—even you or I. And he proved that people can lead perfectly normal, productive lives after breaking their long pastern bone and being diagnosed with laminitis of the left hoof.”

During the ceremony, the usually festive Churchill Downs was eerily quiet, with the only sounds in the building coming from the low rumble of muffled drums, the clacking of horses’ hooves, and a dirge-like rendition of “My Old Kentucky Home” played in a minor key by the University of Louisville marching band. As they laid his casket on the bier, Elton John performed a special version of “Candle In The Wind” rewritten to describe Barbaro‘s tragically short life.

Ashes to Alpo…

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