Another Olympic scandal tops the headlines this morning as it is revealed that, in a substitution reminiscent of the opening ceremony’s switched songstresses and faux fireworks, London Mayor Boris Johnson did not, in fact, attend the closing ceremony at all, but instead was replaced by a sophisticated computer-generated animation.
This shocking swap was insisted upon by the Olympic organizers, who had substantial reservations about Mr. Johnson‘s ability to accept and wave the flag without falling down, offending several of the participating nations, or fatally wounding a spectator in a misguided, yet historically correct, attempt to re-create one of the bloodier Olympic events of the Classical Age. After all, the Mayor’s track record is a very public one indeed.
The artificial Boris was, in fact, a compromise reached between the organizers and the British delegation. Originally, the Olympic ceremony management had planned to simply replace Mr. Johnson with a more attractive, dramatically-trained, lip-synching version of the same type.
It is understood that many in the Mayor’s own office have approached the Olympic organizers for permission to continue to use the replicant back home.
raincoaster 
If I were Cary Elwes, I’d kick your ass.
But I’m not, so I’ll sit here and snicker . . .
Well I don’t know what Boris Johnson would be inclined to do, so I’m just glad I’m safe from both of them in my underground lair.
awww Rain I’m devastated – until reading your post I was convinced it was a computer animated cyborg with the animal parts made possible by the advances made in cloning techniques. I wanted one.
I was saving up.
It was just some bloke in a wig then ?
:-((
No, Elwes wanted too much money and they said after that trashy flick with Alicia Silverstone he didn’t deserve it, so yes, you saw a computer animated Bojo instead.
And what the hell was his little waving thing all about? Who WAVES to random people in the crowd at such an event on such an occasion? Deeply weird. Is that the real Boris’s trademark or is this an animated add-on?
The real Boris’ trademark is to alternately charm and offend everyone in the crowd. He had to run for mayor of London because he’s offended everywhere else!
If that had been the real Boris he’d have waved in such a way that it would have been…I dunno…a Maori gesture meaning “your mother wears army boots” or something, and then he’d go home and write 700 words about the history of Maori dirty gestures and it would all end with New Zealand threatening to invade.
If that had been the real Boris he’d have waved in such a way that it would have been…I dunno…a Maori gesture meaning “your mother wears army boots” or something, and then he’d go home and write 700 words about the history of Maori dirty gestures and it would all end with New Zealand threatening to invade.
laughing out loud to that one.
Excellent. Tears even.
Proud to say, I watched nothing.
Seemed like pretentious and utter bullshit to me.
~m
Oh, you MUST see the Ping Pong speech! You must. I’m going to start a Facebook group to bring back the Pankration as an exhibition sport.
Didn’t BoJo have London City Hall repainted in blue and orange?
Did he? I thought it was a big glass testicle; not much to paint on there.
Oh, that was Boris’ older brother, Howard Johnson
Hahahahaha! The one with the oyster orgy? Or was that clams? I get my euphemisms so mixed up!