Category Archives: Boris Johnson

On Margaret Thatcher

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boudicca

boudicca

I haven’t exactly been circumspect on social media, but at last I put it all together in one  big, impassioned rant, so here it is. And it’s on Boris’s site, as is only fitting after he wrote an elegy suitable to any PR agency in the Midlands.

She was brave, principled, electric, greedy, malevolent, and destructive. So what does that net us? Damage that is still being repaired, or indeed glossed over, by governments on boths sides of the Atlantic.

Margaret Thatcher was not, like Ronald Reagan, an amiable person who could be pushed around. She was indeed the Iron Lady, but sometimes iron can be miscast. The future she fashioned for her country was one of increasing servitude to global, free-floating wealth. By now we know the only thing that trickles down is the blame, and I for one am not entire sure Thatcher wasn’t smart enough to know that all along.

Boris, I miss the days when you’d post something so partisan it was a simple straw dog, and I’d whack at it with all the strength I had. It was fun. Politically, it was good exercise.

But the ultimate fate of Thatcher is so much more important, for both sides, than any of those recreational battles, and yet you are not here. Enjoy the ivory tower, or the glass scrotum as it may be. But we both know that the reason she’s being cremated is so that the body won’t be dragged through the streets.

TwitPic of the Day: Enter the Dragon

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Er, so to speak, you understand. So to speak.

BoJo: Enter the Dragon

BoJo: Enter the Dragon

via Azahar

Now that’s a physical specimen to put the fear of god into Ryan Reynolds, eh? How majestic, how magnificent. How much energy went into getting this body in motion? The mind: it boggleth.

Never change, Boris. Never change.

Banksy in Bristol

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Banksy may or may not be a man; he may or may not be a collective; but he definitely IS my dream man (when you’re a communist, it doesn’t count as an orgy, it counts as “sharing”). Hey, it’s my dream, I can have what I want in it.

Not only did he give me my best-performing post ever, but he also just unveiled this:

Banksy is Putting the MPs into Chimps

Yes, he put the “MPs” into “Chimps.” But without Boris Johnson in the house, there’s a sad shortage of Bonobos to bring teh sex-ay.

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Borislandia Rising!

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BoJo, evil supremacist mastermind or mild mannered toff?Sources reveal that notoriously ambitious, admittedly ruthless international man of mystery recovering journalist Boris Johnson is behind a plot to raise a high-tech man-made island in the middle of the Thames. Whatever his claims that it’s a solution to the Heathrow runway controversy, “Borislandia,” as it has been dubbed, is clearly nothing more than the Blond Bombshell‘s answer to your common or garden bad guy’s island lair.

Personal Ephemera has revealed, for the first time, the secret flag and crest of Borislandia, no doubt soon to become familiar to all of us as it flies over progressively more and more of the world, radiating outward from Borislandia, Islington, and his headquarters in the (infamously size queeny and very Bond Villain/Smarter Imagey) Glass Testicle. Note that when the crest is displayed alone the supporters are an overworked PA on the right and an intimidatingly-groomed PR on the left.

Behold. See it here now, see it on your own block later. First they take Mayfair, then they take Berlin!

Borislandia

Olympic Scandal: Faux BoJo, or No?

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Boris Johnson waves the Olympic flag or IS it Boris Johnson???

Another Olympic scandal tops the headlines this morning as it is revealed that, in a substitution reminiscent of the opening ceremony’s switched songstresses and faux fireworks, London Mayor Boris Johnson did not, in fact, attend the closing ceremony at all, but instead was replaced by a sophisticated computer-generated animation.

Bojo gone Olympics, or is it really so?

This shocking swap was insisted upon by the Olympic organizers, who had substantial reservations about Mr. Johnson‘s ability to accept and wave the flag without falling down, offending several of the participating nations, or fatally wounding a spectator in a misguided, yet historically correct, attempt to re-create one of the bloodier Olympic events of the Classical Age. After all, the Mayor’s track record is a very public one indeed.

Bojo in typical mode

The artificial Boris was, in fact, a compromise reached between the organizers and the British delegation. Originally, the Olympic ceremony management had planned to simply replace Mr. Johnson with a more attractive, dramatically-trained, lip-synching version of the same type.

Cary Elwes would do in a pinch. He could pinch me any time!

It is understood that many in the Mayor’s own office have approached the Olympic organizers for permission to continue to use the replicant back home.