Michael Jackson, the self-crowned King of Pop, is dead at the age of 50. Born an adorable, talented black boy, he died (apparently of heart failure, insert own bitter joke here) a bizarre creature somewhere between the aliens from Communion and Zombie Janice Dickinson, with a soupcon of pederasty for (as the kids say) flava. Alternately short of Money or Invincible, Black or White, Smooth Criminal or The Man, he remained a protean figure of scandal-scented mystery to his last days.
It’s just Human Nature to pursue a Pretty Young Thing, although his Monkey Business recreational tastes and pursuits brought him to the attention of the law on a regular basis. When finally confronted with the rap, he Beat It, claiming he and the boys were Just Good Friends who would Come Together in friendship. Known over the decades as a libel lawyer’s best patron (What More Can He Give?) when he felt Threatened, the eccentric musician had seemed in recent years to have turned around his notoriously aberrant behavior, although more cynical minds (like mine) figured that instead of pursuing free-range children, he’d just decided to grow his own: Blanket, Prince Michael, and Paris. Ah, the Lost Children.
I hope that, once his no-doubt vainglorious tomb is complete and he installed within it, Banksy can come up with something suitably memorable, although it’s hard to top that portrait. HIStory will judge him. Until that time, we have this, by DryHumourSteve:
His bones will given to the relatives of Joseph Carey Merrick
raincoaster 
Thank you. I know there’s gonna be 50 bazillion posts out about what a great musician, icon and person he was. As if those people believed it like, 2 weeks ago. I was prepared to abandon the Interwebz.
You’re welcome. As I said on Twitter: good music, evil man.
Priceless!
I don’t know about “evil.” Sick, unhinged batty-batty McCrazy-Pants maybe, but I don’t think I would call him evil. I mean, he was Captian EO for christ’s sake!
Also, I actually was saddened to hear about Farah Fawcett, expecially because she had just accecpted Ryan’s proposal.
…but that MJ, woohoo, loonieier than a Canadian dollar.
What a sick, sick man.
That is all.
Oh, and his music was pretty good too, but he has to be the weirdest celebrity of all time. And calling him “weird” is being generous.
True.
I’m not actually sure if he was crazy or not, so that’s a valid point to raise. What IS true is that, because of his celebrity and his money, he was indulged to a point that makes the distinction between “malevolent predator” and “nutjob” impossible for outsiders to judge. He may well have been truly insane. That, however, does not actually mitigate the crimes; it simply implicates the celebrity-industrial complex as accomplices.
Including myself.
That’s pretty much how I feel. He was a sociopath, and his celebrity made sociopaths out of the rest of us.
The fact that he made some catchy pop tunes doesn’t make him Saint Bono. And the fact that he quite certainly molested young boys makes him a monster. Whether that was a matter of choice or psychosis, I don’t know, but it’s not fair to his victims to let his reputation only reflect the socially acceptable parts of Michael Jackson.
Pingback: The Bitter Taste of Absinthe Links » Ayyyy!
Thank you for such an honest obit. I am sick to death of the talented young man crap. He was a paedo plain and simple and he got away with it. Now he gets to face the music.
@valarmorghulis– WooHoo! We’re all sociopaths! Yay!
“…just look over your shoulder – I’ll be there.” –MJ, stalker, ca.1970.
I was sure he was my age. I remember thinking how cool that was when I was a kid. Either I was mistaken or a couple of years were shaved off by the PR dept.
Hmm, he lived so publicly since he was six that I’d be surprised they could get away with fudging the name at this point. But you never know.
Ah, a stalker too. That explains a lot.
With him dead the confidentiality agreements are (should be) now void, so whatever was being hidden won’t be for much longer.
True. Also: legally impossible to slander/libel a dead man.
I don’t know, it might be possible for the family to sue… it’ll be interesting to see what happens to the loons who pop out of the bushes claiming MJ fathered their monkeys. Larry King’s booker is going to be very busy.
A colleague asked me when we might see a photo of the actual body.
I said pick any video from the last few years, do a frame grab when he blinks – you have your body.
Hell, they had video of him being transported into the ambulance. He was dead there.
Yeah, but not officially declared yet, right?
Ian, you’re correct. He’s only been accused/suspected of being dead. He may still be alive, depending on the jury’s verdict, but that’s gonna be months down the line.
God, you non-Twitterphiles are so behind the times. He’s been declared dead. Hell, the autopsy’s over. And he was DOA at the hospital, meaning he was in all likelihood (but not for legal purposes) dead when he was loaded into the ambulance, since they’d tried for 20 minutes to revive him. And thanks for reminding me that I know all this useless information, including the fact that the stupidest thing said about the death belongs to Celine Dion and the wisest thing belongs to Lisa Marie Presley if you can believe it.
“Having been working out with and training with Michael Jackson over the last 15 years, most recently in the last few months, he was a dear friend and inspiration. Michael is an icon and the world has suffered a great loss and to his family I send my deepest condolences and prayers.” — Bodybuilder Lou Ferrigno.
That’s it, I now blame(?) the Hulk for this.
@Bunk – pertty much.
Best. Post. Title. Ever.
He would definately groom young boys. Just because he wrote great songs does not absovle him of this, even though he is dead.
Actually, I don’t think ANYONE can top Guido Fawkes’s “Wacko Jacko Heart Attacko” at http://order-order.com
You’re not the first. You won’t be the last.
@Kelley– Although rain’s title is excellent, my personal fav was a post I saw on, um, BoingBoing years ago. Some odd bacteria was found to emit small but measurable amounts of amperage while decomposing chocolate. The title:
“BACTERIA EATS CHOCOLATE, SHITS ELECTRICITY.”
My favorite is the one on Fark when Ike Turner died: IKE BEATS TINA TO DEATH.
“accused of being dead”
Ha!
Almost too wonderful to read someone with the guts to tell the truth.
Glad you liked it. I’m getting some flack from the feeble-minded in certain forums, but I don’t feel too bad; they can always cuddle their Beanie Babies with sequinned gloves until the tears go away.
Pingback: All of the celebrity WRECKage rumors and gossip with non of the glamour from Celebuwreck
@azahar– “alleged to be dead” is more PC. Even his own family is demanding a second opinion.
Well, when there’s that much plastic involved it’s less like an autopsy and more like recycling.
Awesome obit. Am a little late to comment, but alas, the media postmortem goes on and on…Kinda like the beat. There are so many angles on the story that it is starting to go into cascading spirals. Of meaninglessness, even.
Never too late to comment, especially on this story. I’ll go longer than Dead Elvis, you’ll see.
Pingback: Michael Jackson cause of death « raincoaster
Pingback: Michael Jackson still dead: update at 11 « raincoaster