“your mother called. She wants you to swing by The Home and sex her up again.”
Mark should never have told me I could abuse spammers.
Talk about opening Pandora’s Box.
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Category Archives: advice
ninja defence tactics poster
Handy for office or home! Throw a couple in the car when you go camping, too! It’s always best to be prepared for anything, so be sure to team it with our Zombie Attack Safety Poster as well.
Stolen from the Grim’s Homepage.
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the Brits solve the perennial sex-with-uglies problem!
Surely no nation ever had a better incentive; in a world of readily available international travel and corrective lenses, pure-blooded Brits are in danger of dying out altogether.
For good reason.
Now, that font of all wisdom the Sun has revealed the solution, and the odds are it lies within your easy grasp, if you happen to be reading this blog in your kitchen or in the checkout line at the supermarket (where it would fit very well between Batboy Goes to College on News of the World and How Jen’s Ovaries Are Holding Up on People). Just bag it.
Bagging, or masking, is a fetish that’s being taken up by couples looking for daring ways to spice up their love life.
One of the pair agrees to have their head covered during sex.
Note that double-bagging with plastic is not recommended, particularly if you’re a popular and talented Conservative MP in charge of the morality crusade. Connect this with the Socks for Sex post we did earlier and voila! The key to sexual success in England: just put a bag on each end and away you go.
Doing the gene pool a favour
You know those books…the For Dummies books. They’re pretty good books, all in all, but every now and again they come out with one that makes you think at least some of their target audience works at their headquarters.
Sex for Dummies.
Think about it. Look around you. I’m not sure where you live, but around these parts the dummies are breeding like rabbits. Even Britney‘s managed to drop a couple of spawn, and she’s just a puppy herself. At this rate by 2020 most of Southern California will be descended from Britney Spears, God help them.
But here’s a fellow who knows his station; ya gotta luv him. Me hearts dumb people who know they’re dumb and who know that’s a bad thing. Don’t give me any of this “Dumb Pride” stuff: that shit is whack. It was Camus, the wise, who said that it was the moral responsibility of the intelligent to oppress the stupid, otherwise the stupid would take over the world. I see some of us have been slacking a bit, and just look how that’s turned out!
But Shiv Charan Yadav knows his place and his duty to the gene pool. He’s sworn not to marry until he’s passed his high school exams. He is now 73 and has just failed his 38th attempt. It’s like poor, sweet, decorative John-John, only more like John-John-John-John-John-John-John-John-John-John-John-John-John- times – 38. Without the looks, money, family, or fame. Or, on the plus side, the pilot’s license.
Shiv Charan Yadav has been taking the exams – normally given to schoolchildren at the age of 15 -every year since 1969, without success. He was in his 30s when he first decided to better himself through education.
This year, he failed everything except Sanskrit, scoring only 103 out of a possible 600 points.
Also, he wants to marry a girl under thirty. Yeah, do you wonder if the papers would happen to be graded by twentysomething local females…it would explain alot.
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If I ran the internet…
well, if this guy did. His name is Rives, and he’s a spoken word artist, and he’s speaking to TED. Well, he’s speaking to you, and me, and momo, and that spammer in Nigeria, and that hacker in Turkey, and that troll in the comments section. Here is what the world would be like if Rives ran the internet. Improvement or devolution? WWAlGoreD?
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raincoaster 