Category Archives: Allegory

Julian Assange Coloring Book Guest Post by Swifter

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Julian Assange in custody. At least Swifter let him keep his cup of cocoa.

Julian Assange in custody. At least Swifter let him keep his cup of cocoa.

Ante? UPPED!

When I asked Swifter if I could repurpose this from the crosstalk thread he replied:

Sure, as long as you tell people that I say it’s where he belongs. You may add whatever other commentary you wish from your own viewpoint, of course.

To which I replied, quite naturally, that my own thoughts on this image were far too kinky to post on a nice, family-friendly blog like mine. And now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s difficult to type with no hands free…

Calvin and Hobbes and a business model I can really get behind

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calvin is SO right

calvin is SO right

I’m telling you, if I can figure out a way to get this to pay, I’m gonna be a BAJILLIONAIRE. In the meantime, here’s a short list of some people who could use some swift ass-kickery.

Dear Santa, is it SO much to ask… (raincoaster)

Santa Andy has to put up with some mean drunks on Christmas (Ayyyy)

Julia Child, acolyte of Cthulhu??? (ManoloFood)

Ryan Gosling is into light bondage (Lolebrity)

The War on Christmas tweets (AgentBedhead)

Jennifer Aniston has the scent of desperation (AmyGrindhouse)

Hugh Jackman has cricket balls (BusyBeeBlogger)

Alanis Morissette for Ever (CeleBitchy)

Natalie Portman is packing babeh, off the market (CelebritySmack)

Is EVERYONE pregnant? Please stop her before she breeds (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Hottest accessory of 2010: Klingonhead (CityRag)

But would Lady Gaga have broken up the Beatles? (EvilBeet)

KK hits rock bottom and starts digging (FitFabCeleb)

World’s most hated couple makes honest homewreckers of one another(GabbyBabble)

Best Busts of 2010 (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Kelly Osbourne goes Full Flamewar (HaveUHeard)

Justin Bieber’s impurity ring (INeedMyFix)

To get your little gold man, get a little man of your own (Movieline)

Richard Chamberlain comes out, Perez whacks him (PerezHilton)

and all I got were slipper socks. AGAIN (PopBytes)

Lily Allen is engaged (PopSugar)

Santa brought the world some JLoHew/AlyMil action (SeriouslyOMG)

Charlie Sheen not dead (WeNewsIt)

My new favorite stocking stuffer gift, now and forever

My new favorite stocking stuffer gift, now and forever

 

Imagine

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John Lennon

John Lennon

Thirty years ago today, The Sister walked into my room in Carleton Place, Ontario and said, “Wake up. Grandpa and John Lennon are both dead.”

Really, every morning since then has been a snap, relatively speaking.

Hump Day Unicorn Chaser: Wishery by Pogo

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You know what I love? Fairy tales. You know what I hate? Disney. Oh, it’s not that these bloody-minded tales of Nemesis and warped value systems haven’t been Bowdlerized before, but they have never been Bowdlerized so creepily, yet so insipidly.

I mean, seriously, doesn’t Snow White just make your skin crawl? Is she not the most loathesomely irritating person with a simpering voice and obnoxiously dim brain since Mrs Topper as portrayed by Billie Burke?

(yes, I know this isn’t from Topper, but it’s all I could find)

Well, Snow White is up there when it comes to driveling bubbleheads with irritating, saccharine voices, surely, but at last some musical genius has made her tolerable. Behold the brilliant syncopations of “Wishery” by Pogo, a Pixar employee, and marvel at the unspeakable rendered not simply bearable, but beautiful.

Mostly by giving the dwarves more airtime, it’s true, but whatevs.

via SomeOfMyBestFriends

eel be all right soon

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You won't eel a thing

You won't eel a thing

Look, dude, just close your eyes and get it over with. It’ll all be over soon. You’re just lucky your friend is too stupid to understand his boss’s orders: normally, when they say “Sleep with the fishes” they don’t mean sleep, you know what I’m sayin’? And I’m not going to tell him.

Isabella Rossellini fills the convents! (raincoaster)

Parker Posey is no angel either (Ayyyy)

Putin aside temptation (Lolebrity)

Industry Swiftly makes Kanye prOn (AgentBedhead)

Conan O’Brien is a cunning linguist (BusyBeeBlogger)

Adrien Brody is pursued by a succubus from Hell (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Angels get pregnant? (CelebritySmack)

Celebrity hobos (CityRag)

Cojo eulogizes Liz Hurley’s dress (CojoStyle)

Recession fashion tips from Vivienne Westwood (CyberBoris)

Kanye in the Sky with a microphone? (DailyStab)

Anne Hathaway is Jake Gyllenhaal’s guardian angel (EvilBeet)

Don’t EVER touch Charlie Sheen’s watch (Earsucker)

These are your people’s choices (GabbyBabble)

and deliver us from Speidi (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Un-chain Hilary Swank’s heart (GoFugYourself)

A Kardashian is judging you (HaveUHeard)

Russell Brand leaves his wife for Prince Charles (INeedMyFix)

Victoria Beckham and her incubus step out in daylight (JustJared)

Shalit be time for trading places? (Movieline)

The government hates your boss too (PerezHilton)

and in related news, Castro is still alive (PoorBritney)

Before Pee-Wee! (SeriouslyOMG)