Category Archives: Allegory

some days you’re the eagle; some days you’re the deer

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I’ve been about ready to go all golden eagle on somebody for a couple of days now.

 

  • My phone died.
  • My Gmail is frozen. I cannot send from my account.
  • I have 500 invitations and 1000 press releases to send out…today. And see above.
  • My blogging course announcement went out and I’ve got phone messages and emails from people who’d like to register. And see above.
  • I can’t write the press release until an author gets back to me with her bio, for which I’ve been waiting three weeks. At this point I’d be tempted to make shit up (she was raised by jackals on the African veldt…studied alchemy under Paracelsus at Tokyo Polytechnic) if indeed there existed the possibility I could send the emails in the first place, which there is not. See above.

 

On the bright side:

  • a friend promised not to commit suicide for at least two weeks, and
  • my father’s apparently haunting the CFB Borden Flying Club, so at least he’s having fun.

Naughty Wet and Wild Swedish Beaver!

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Beaver SwedishGranny got tail!

Naughty, naughty beaver! Keep your tail away from innocent Swedish grannies, be they never so wrinkled and asking for it.

Word comes from the banks of the Bottena that a wild Swedish beaver went crazy at the sight of an elderly swimmer and indulged in an orgy of slapping and physical violence.

“The beaver attacked the grandmother. She was seriously hit by the animal’s tail and received a number of bites and scratches,” an officer told the newspaper.

Surely not the first or last time that someone has regretted an encounter with really wild beaver.

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Mansinthe: booze o’ the day!

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Marilyn MansonI’m not sure I’m up for this. Thanks (?) to Caddie, I’ve sampled actual absinthe, and I must say the experience was about as pleasurable as a fluoride treatment at the dentist‘s.

Now, apparently aware that there is essentially nothing you can do to make absinthe taste worse than it already does, Marilyn Manson is issuing his own brand of the noxious substance.

No word on who gets to “milk” him.

Now, if Trent Reznor wants to bottle his manjuice, I’ll take a case of it.

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quiz: what kind of food are you?

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You Are Thai Food


Trendy yet complex.

People seek you out – though they’re not sure why.

What Kind of Food Are You?

hello kitty, goodbye dignity

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Hello Latte There are some things no man can endure. Some punishments too gruesome to be permitted in a civilized society. Some concepts so horrible that the human soul itself shrivels and dies a little when forced to contemplate them.

This is one of those things.

Reuters reports that in benighted Thailand, where failure to reverencify the king will get you ten years (although, unlike Singapore, graffitification of cars will not get your caned ass featured in teary interviews on ABC) the police have instituted truly draconian measures for internal discipline.

Hello Kitty Crop CircleSloppy Bangkok policemen are being ordered to wear bright pink “Hello Kitty” armbands in a uniquely Thai twist to zero tolerance anti-crime initiatives used in New York.

Crime Suppression Division officers caught dropping litter, parking illegally or reporting late for work will get several days wearing the armbands, which come complete with the cute Japanese cat cartoon sitting on a pair of hearts.

Let’s just see these boys try to intimidate a perp now. “Hands up? Whatever! Ooooh, I’m scared; it’s Officer Friendly Kokko-chan!”

PS: how do you get an offending police officer into the back of the paddy wagon?

You pokemon.

Hello Kitty Ferrari

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