Category Archives: Bingo

Fury of the Wolfman

Fury of the Covid Briefing Bingo

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Thanks for joining us on this historic day, a day when our neighbors to the south vote to choose their new overlord, less encumbered by Russian hacking efforts than they were last time, if somewhat more encumbered by gun-toting fascist voter intimidation. But we have faith, kittens. We, for once, have faith in America.

Our democracy must be not only the envy of the world but the engine of our own renewal. There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what is right with America.

William Jefferson Clinton
Linus knows his shit.

It’s also historic because I’m going to try not to drop any F-bombs, in the probably vain attempt to get some rt’s from mainstream Ottawa. I already stopped calling him PM Zoolander: how much can one woman compromise, I ask yez???

Play one card or play them all to win fabulous, completely imaginary prizes:

And here’s our Cpac video:

At a news conference on Parliament Hill, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau provides an update on the federal government’s response to the COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic. The prime minister is joined by federal ministers Chrystia Freeland (finance) and Mary Ng (small business, export promotion and international Trade ) and by Dr. Theresa Tam, Canada’s chief public health officer, and Dr. Howard Njoo, the deputy chief public health officer.

And yes, we are still naming them after Paul Naschy Wolfman films, because BECAUSE, that’s why. Today we’re doing Fury of the Wolfman, a classic with a glorious 19% on the tomatometer. And yes, “wolfman” is one word even if “hombre lobo” is two of them. What can we say? English is a capricious language.

In the comments after the post you’ll find some additional squares we missed because we were preoccupied with annoying reporters, sharp red dresses, the dog needing to go out, or similar matters of global import. So remember to check the comments, too.

Not sure why that photographer needs a lens half the length of his arm for this; he’s only about 15 feet from the Prime Minister’s desk. I guess in the age of digital photography “nostril hair resolution” is the standard.

And we’re off! Beginning with a statement of solidarity against terrorist attacks and sympathy to the victims of the latest attacks in Vienna and Kabul, among others. Excerpted below.

I want to offer my condolences to the victims and to all those grieving after the horrific shooting in Vienna that started in front of the city’s synagogue. We stand by the people of Austria, and Jewish communities around the world, who are reeling from this attack. There have been too many of these unacceptable acts of terrorism and violence in our world recently, including in France over the last few weeks, and at Kabul University in Afghanistan yesterday. Canada stands united with people everywhere in condemning these latest, terrible attacks.

These days, our world is facing all kinds of challenges. More and more, we are seeing the second wave of COVID-19 creating difficulties for several countries in Europe and elsewhere. The UK has announced a new lockdown. Belgium and France are experiencing a dramatic increase in hospitalizations. Their nurses and doctors are exhausted, and their hospitals are overwhelmed. The situation is worrisome and must be taken seriously. The second wave of COVID-19 in places like the UK, Belgium, and France is a wake-up call that Canadians cannot afford to ignore. Right now, this virus is being given the chance to spread. It’s being given the opportunity to grow. I know that’s hard to hear, but the numbers are showing us that our window to turn this around is closing fast. We have to work together—right now—to beat the second wave. It won’t be easy, but I know we can do it.

Prime Minister’s remarks announcing support for businesses and farmers

Mark your “Maple leaf accessory” and “Poppy” and “Blue suit” squares. Freeland is there, so I’m 90% sure you’ll get the “Pearls” square as well. Thank god, no brown shoes this time.

Discussing the surge in Manitoba, which is awful, we get “app” and “Second Wave” as you’d expect. And yes, there you go, “Finds new way to give Canadians money”. I spend half my time on Zoom telling my friends which federal money to apply for. An Ottawa lawyer told a friend of mine “I don’t know why anyone goes into crime. The legal money is so much easier to get.”

Is that not the most Canadian thing you’ve ever heard: create a digital poppy at https://mypoppy.ca/. And trudeau gives a message of sympathy to the family, friends, and colleagues of James Choi, who died in a live ammunition training exercise in Alberta.

Dang, that is a killer dress, and yes, mark your “Pearls” square. Freeland is appearing via video probably because she was recently exposed to Covid-19, as the app informed her. And mark your “Freeland’s papers go all the way across her desk” square. A woman after my own heart. Or work style, at least.

And now Minister Ng is up. Today is clearly Honorary Small Business Day, but when is it NOT in Ottawa? Sounds like SEO and building small business websites are going to be a growth industry for the short term at least. Woohoo! Monay for me! https://www.tradecommissioner.gc.ca/funding-financement/canexport/index.aspx Ugh, why do government sites have such ugly URLS?

Dr. Tam is reporting the stats, except Alberta because Alberta can’t get its shit together in time to report weekend results by Tuesday. Tories. She recommends a three layer mask: inner, outer, and filter. The Sister just gave me two of them, in fact, in truly Canadian buffalo check aka “The Arnprior Tuxedo” pattern. And I’ve GOT to put “The Three C’s” on the next bingo card.

Arnprior Tuxedo
The Arnprior Tuxedo

Dr. Njoo is breaking up, so mark your “Technical Difficulties” square. It’s probably just my internet, but whatever. You get a square! And YOU get a square! AND YOU GET A SQUARE!!!

Oooh, button-down shirt! An excellent Sixth Generation square, methinks. Give me a few days.

And now we are off to the questions. Mark your “Touches face” square. I thought that would have been trained out of all of us by now.

Very interesting: first question is on the death of Colton Boushie. Trudeau says he’s met with the family and understands directly from them what the grieving process is like, and how painful the delay is in getting the report out.

There you go, your “PPE” square is active now. I have literally no idea how Trudeau keeps all these figures in his head: billions transferred to provinces, sent to Canadian individuals, tax breaks, etc. It’s the most I can do to keep track of my fingers and toes.

On a more trivial note: there’s your “Drinks water” square, and at some point the sign language interpreters swapped out again, so mark that square. I wonder why they do that. Does one of them break for lunch at 12 precisely?

We got THIS FAR without a question about the US election, or even a mention in passing? 45 minutes, give or take. Gob. Smacked. Trudeau stresses Canada’s collaborative approach against the pandemic vs the “politicized” response in the US, which is as close as we are gonna get to “Shades Trump” so mark that square.

And mark your “Flu vaccine” square, which is I think on the fifth generation card.

Inneresting question about whether or not the changes in the US are irrevocable. Trudeau responds that all countries change over time, and that Canada is keeping a keen eye on the changes in the US. Mentions the victory against Aluminum tariffs. “Obviously elections matter.” He says Canada is well-positioned to work with the us “regardless of the outcomes of tonight”. Which, if you remember he thwarted the Trump Bully Handshake AND the punitive tariffs, you gotta give it to him.

I wish @CPAC_TV would focus their cameras on the chairs rather than the covid signage on the desks, because the faces are fuzzy. Minister Freeland interrupts Trudeau to give what is clearly a speech she’s been DYING to deliver, on the small business and personal economic supports for the economy. Which are basically listed in this Finance Department press release.

  • Over 3.8 million Canadians have had their jobs supported through the Canada Emergency Wage Subsidy, with over $45 billion paid out in subsidies as of October 25, 2020.
  • Small- and medium-sized businesses are strongly represented in sectors — like food services (i.e. restaurants), hospitality, tourism, and transportation — which continue to be significantly affected by the virus and the measures taken to contain it.
  • As of late October, the Government of Canada has approved over $2 billion in rent support, through the Canada Emergency Commercial Rent Assistance for small businesses. Rent assistance has helped over 138,000 small business tenants supporting 1.2 million jobs in Canada.
  • The new rent subsidy would pick up where the previous program left off, delivering direct, targeted, and accessible rent support to qualifying organizations affected by COVID-19 without the need to work through their landlords. It would provide a subsidy for eligible fixed property expenses, including rent and interest on commercial mortgages. The announced program parameters would apply until December 19, 2020 with future parameters in 2021 to be adapted and targeted as needed.

And now @JustinTrudeau is out.

https://twitter.com/RickSan84920819/status/1323681691366576129

And there’s your “hostile reporter tries a patently stupid gotcha question” which really should be on the 6th Gen card, where the reporter asks Dr. Tam why the instructions on masks have changed. BECAUSE SCIENCE THAT’S WHY, MORON. She strains my self-control, but I manage, after struggling mightily, to avoid an F-bomb. Dr. Tam avoids getting testy and simply answers that we now know much more about how masks work, because they were not really studied before, and reiterates that fit is very important.

“Titrate” would be a good sixth generation card square. Dr. Tam says that if we do our part we will reduce the spread, and when we reduce the viral spread we can begin to re-open. So the responsibility for the reopening is pushed to individuals and their choices, rather than to government. Because individual choices are what overwhelmingly effect the spread.

That’s a wrap! Not only did I make it through the whole thing without a single F-bomb, but I also did a proper Twitter thread this time: ah, the power of good coffee! Now, can I get an rt from @CanadianPM @cafreeland or @CPHO_Canada ?

Caffeine and Hate is all I need

Covid Briefing Bingo Rises from the Tomb.

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Yes, we are still naming these after Paul Naschy werewolf films, because why the fuck not?

Horror rises from the tomb

Horror rises from the tomb, as do I every morning, dear reader.

Play one board or play them all. Here are all the Covid Briefing Bingo cards to date.

Here’s your video. Is it my imagination or does Trudeau seem a little cranky today? Maybe just undercaffeinated; speaking for myself I find it hard enough to just tweet these briefings before coffee, never mind delivering one.

At a news conference on Parliament Hill, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau provides an update on the federal government’s response to the COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic. He is joined by federal ministers Marc Miller (Indigenous services) and Ahmed Hussen (families, children and social development), as well as Dr. Theresa Tam (Canada’s chief public health officer) and Dr. Howard Njoo (the deputy chief public health officer). Drs. Tam and Njoo also present the latest federal epidemiological modelling data.

Everyone is late again, so that’s good. My coffee is almost ready! And we salute you, Brave Reporter Who Sits In The Front Row. Mark off that square.

Head’s up, and here they come. “Blue suit with brown shoes WhICH IS JUST MOrALLY WrONG” and “Maple Leaf Accessory” and “Poppy” square active, as well as “Someone appears via video screen”. And “App” too. And it appears that my CAPSLOCK key needs help. As do I, capslock, as do I.

Oh, SOOOPER, my website is frozen. So guess you need to be on Twitter to do #BriefingBingo today. Loving that. I guess you should mark your “Technical difficulties” square; and they can’t seem to get Minister Hussen’s mic to work either so that’s double technical difficulties.

Yep, there you go. Mark the “Finds new way to give Canadians money” square. As usual. I gotta get me some of that. Well, not THIS money. Other money. I’m sure at some point they’ll announce targeted support for underemployed semi-retired bloggers-turned-journalists-turned-bloggers, right?

I tried to do a Twitter Thread but because I was undercaffeinated I screwed it up, alas. That’ll teach me to start before my coffee’s ready. Follow the hashtag #BriefingBIngo instead for today.

Immigration as a key part of the economic recovery? Compare and contrast to the US, where they’re putting their immigrants in cages and restricting entry to the country according to religion. Which, when paired with banning certain countries, is basically a shortcut to institutional racism.

I have dug up the Twitter accounts of the participants in the almost certainly vain hope of an RT at some point in the future, so here we go:

Dr. Theresa Tam:

Dr Howard Njoo, who does not tweet anymore:

Justin Trudeau:

Marc Miller:

Ahmed Hussen:

New app update? You can now enter the date you got tested and when notified, which will be very helpful. And it’s optional: it really is pretty good privacy-wise. Yeah, good luck to that guy headed for Boston. I’d wear a full Hazmat suit, myself.

Interesting that this briefing is primarily focused on safe water supplies to First Nations. High time. Past time.

Seriously though, when are they coming out with poppy-themed masks? Seems like a no-brainer to me. @RCL_DC get on that!

Pretty gross that we’re diagnosing significantly more cases daily than ever before. Beginning to second-guess staying in Ontario vs moving back to BC immediately. If they’ll even have me.

Gotta say, I am loving the Tam/Njoo teamwork here.

Science lessons with Canada’s leading medical specialists! The Two Doctors are walking us through how pandemics spread, and how if each infected person infects less than one other person it’ll die out.

My local bbq place re-opened for indoor seating for 1 DAY. Today the patio is open, tomorrow they’re pulling the grill out and putting it in the parking lot for tailgating. A healthy adaptation and good for sales, because it smells so good you MUST buy!

Looking at the infection rates for age groups. BRB, off to change my “target market’ on dating sites.

Interesting. Covid19 infection rates vary directly with other social challenges, ie poor people and the other marginalized groups are disproportionately hit by the disease. Sophie Grégoire Trudeau is the outlier here. But she had it before it was cool. Goddamn hipsters.

Yep, pretty clear that reopening schools was problematic. And here’s your reminder, before you bitch at me on Twitter, that I don’t care about how badly you needed the peace and quiet. Good to see fewer people in hospital with #Covid19. We now have support systems like #caremongering to help people stay home when infected.

GODDAMMIT! I forgot my coffee has been sitting in the kitchen waiting for me to notice it for 45 minutes. Clearly, I need coffee.

The Roommate finally got his #Covid19 test done. FINALLY. I’ve only been sick for 8 weeks. *chews anti-viral gummy* Meanwhile on CPAC, Trudeau looks particularly peeved today. Wonder why? Usually he only looks like that when he’s anticipating WE questions. Trudeau needs a coffee as badly a I do.

I like that tie. I’m so bored from the lockdown that looking at a tie that throws off weird moiré patterns on tv is the highlight of my day.

Dr Tam says that I should get rid of my roommate for my own safety. I’m on board. Wonder if she can hook me up with some ricin? We are supposed to decrease our contacts by 25% and basically since March I’ve seen The Roommate, The Sister, and 2 friends. And I ain’t killing The Sister: she takes me on scenic drives!

Opioid deaths have doubled in some FN communities? Interesting. Decriminalization seems like Not The Issue, in this case. We really need harm reduction. I mean, most of these drugs are not illegal, period.

For all that this briefing has a ton of information it’s been very poor on the #Covid19#BriefingBingo front. Basically all the squares were ticked in the first 90 seconds. C’mon, give us at least a “donc”.

Canadian arms were sold to Turkey and ended up being used by the Azeris in the current conflict. Export permits to Turkey apparently now suspended, says Trudeau.

And we’re on to the questions:

If you know he’s not going to comment on the US election, why did you ask the question? I mean, he gets asked this every single day and he’s never answered it once. You only get “We are keeping Canadians safe.”

Yet another question about safe drinking water on reservations. I’m glad to see the pressure on. This needs to be fixed. It’s been 150 years, people.

There’s a good question. Basically “What do you wish you’d done differently so that so many people don’t feel as alienated from their government?” Trudeau says “we will work with anyone from any party”. Mark “Shades tories” square & “Building back better”.

Oh, I missed it but yes, mark off your “Swaps out the sign language interpreters”. And good question about why there are so many outbreaks in healthcare settings, not long term care.

If I end up in the hospital, send flowers. Don’t visit. I mean, you were never gonna visit me anyway, but at least this way you might send flowers.

There’s your “PPE” square, mark that one off.

Question about the availability of the flu vaccine. If I ever get over whatever flu I currently have, I’ll get the shot. Week eight and counting, y’all.

“Big parties are off.” Dr Tam makes it clear even for, say, rich retired hockey players with brain injuries and terrible taste in politics.

I think I’m going to have to add a square for “Vigilant” for the next card. There we go, mark your “who we are” square. Do I have a square for “Every step of the way?” If I do, mark that square. And “addresses reporter by name”.

Mark your “Rapid tests” square, I think that’s in the fifth generation bingo card. Man, next time I’m going to have my coffee a good half hour before the briefing. And that’s a wrap!

Son of Under the Planet of Covid Briefing Bingo

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Only Rowsdower can save us. Well, the combined powers of Roswdower, Trudeau, Freeland and possibly Angela Merkel, together in their assembled form known as Antifa Prime.

Yes, dear readers, I am still somewhat sickish and overslept again and missed the Big-Ass Briefing on Friday with both the Actual and the Deputy Prime Minister. I have failed you. I have failed you yet again. And yet, you return.

Come. Let us be codependent together.

Because it is March 224th of 2020 and there is fuck all else to do.

Here is our video, a Big-Ass two hours long, and truly, ain’t nobody got time for that normally, but what did I just say? You can fast-forward to the juicy bits if you like, because today we’re adding the sophisticated technique of timestamping notable…uh…times. You’ll see.

Previous Covid Briefing Bingo cards:

Federal Covid-19 Briefing, October 9, 2020

0.01 I’m calling it “Begins in English” because although the first words were French, they were just basically, “Howdy, y’all” and then he got right into the content in English, so English. Quebec, you may feel slighted if you are so inclined. And we all know…never mind. As a technical Francophone, I’m not going to finish that thought.

Look at me, being so detail-oriented I put on my actual glasses. I don’t do that for everyone, dear readers. Only for you. You and Rowsdower.

Check your “blue suit” box, and, given that Rideau Cottage is off the table as a location, we don’t get to tick that box. This boring briefing room with its fancy wood walls and its carefully arranged flags is It for the time being.

Hey CPAC, do you think you might either hire someone to focus the video camera OR ease up on the Facetune? Not sure which is in play here, but c’mon, I put my glasses on and the picture got FUZZIER.

“Second wave,” there you go, mark that one off. And “app” as well. If we’ve gotten this far and it’s only 1:05, I wonder what happens the other 1 hour and 53 minutes of the briefing. We shall see, gentle readers, we shall see. At least so far we’ve gotten Stern Teacher Voice and not CBC Cadence, as we often do in these indoor briefings. It’s practically refreshing, I tell youze.

And of course, mark your “Deputy PM present” square. These briefings have the fanciest extras. And “Namechecks Dr. Theresa Tam” as well.

Wait, was that “donc?” I think it was. Mark that one off, too.

Dammit, I KNEW I should have been optimistic enough to add a square for “Finds a new way to give Canadians money” for these new business supports like the direct rent supports. Far better to give it to businesses than to landlords.

I really want to interview the person who is in charge of making sure the flags are deployed just so. I’m fascinated by things like that, that might be seen as small but have huge symbolic importance. For those who have NOT been following this blog since the year Dot, I actually did consider studying heraldry back when it was considered cutting edge social media.

Yay, foodbanks! Did you know that a food bank can turn a dollar of donation into three to nine dollars of actual food for its clients? And here we have “foreshadows later announcement by another person” for additional supports. So much money going out to provinces, territories, businesses, and food banks, that one person can’t give out all the news himself, it has to be delegated. #OnlyInCanada

That was a split infinitive the most Canadian of all grammatical errors. Somewhere, William Shatner trembles momentarily.

11:00 And now we are on the the DPM. It just occurred to me that I will need to do new, more ecumenical briefing bingo cards in the future; the ones I have are all pretty Trudeau-specific. Ah well, in the Time of the Pandemic there’s fuckall else to do.

Yet MORE supports for businesses. I almost wish I’d incorporated mine! And Freeland is giving you your “Gesticulates” square. Both PM and DPM have teacher voices, whereas Doug Ford always sounds like that guy at the Legion who always insists on being emcee, jovial and about 10% too loud and enthused.

Freeland may understand more French than me, but now I don’t feel so bad about my accent. French Canada does not have the time to pronounce each word separately: each sentence is more like one very long, annoying word.

Given that I don’t really have any applicable squares for Freeland, Tam, and the others (sorry, Others) we will skip ahead to the 53 minute mark, where the questions begin. Honestly, when the camera pulls back this looks like the world’s most dignified and staid game show. I should really just make a bunch of Covid-and-political-talking-points-focused bingo cards, because lemme tell ya, pandering to the cult of personality has NOT been paying off in terms of going viral. Is this the year issues overtake clickbait? It’s 2020, we can’t rule anything out.

And we get right into it with the question about the kidnapping plot, which Trudeau refuses to comment on, just reiterating that his role is to keep Canadians safe. How many times can one comfortably use the phrase “Keep Canadians safe” in one sentence? Because I think he’s gone over by like, three.

Ah, an excellent question about First Nations fishing rights. And your basic “thoughts and prayers” response.

I like how none of the reporters physically present want to sit in the front row.

Freeland looks like this question is absolutely straining her French, and she’s diagramming out the sentences, but she got it and I did not. And seems pleased to be able to answer without asking a translator for pointers. Oh, and she gives you not only your “gesticulates” square, but your “adjusts mic” square, so for that we should all give thanks. Is anybody going to give us “drinks water?” I have a horrible suspicion that is all happening off-camera. Readers, we are being cheated by secret drinkers! But when was that not true of Canadian politics?

Ah, there’s your “Maple Leaf Accessory” square, you can see the usual mask sitting on the desk to the right of the Canada.ca/coronavirus sign, which, meh, doesn’t rise to the level of podium dressing, so we cannot give you the “Plain podium or desk dressed up with accessory” square. That things’s always there. An accessory in this sense would be, say, a vase of flowers, a jade statue of a lion with a maple leaf inside it, bunting, ridiculous, extraneous plaques, that sort of thing. I can be a hardass; I want this bingo to be a challenge!

1:10 is that “Pushes responsibility to provinces?” I think I’m going to say yes.

1:11 I don’t know who that reporter is, but I like his voice. Wish I understood more than a third of what he’s saying, but it is what it is. I definitely get that Trudeau’s response includes “Pushes responsibility to provinces”.

Reporters are asking questions to both PM and DPM as a team. They get that these two are the Butch and Sundance, the Newman and Woodward, the Electra Woman and Dyna Girl of current Canadian federal politics. Pierre Poillievre and Erin O’Toole are, of course, the Laurel and Hardy. Maxime Bernier and Ezra Levant are the Burke and Hare. I’m probably being metaphorical here, but who knows? It’s 2020. Anything is possible (also, has anyone searched their basements? It’s a fair question!).

Interesting, the differences between the way Canada and the US are handling voting during the pandemic. Looks like we’re going to avoid a federal election, but by-elections must continue. Nobody’s trying to shut down the post office or show up armed at the voting place to discourage people exercising their civil rights and their civil responsibility.

And I’m gonna call that a wrap, except to note that as the briefing goes on, Freeland is radiating paper. Literally. As the briefing continues, more and more paper emerges from behind her little “Protect your Neighbours” sign, and is now covering the entire width of the desk. That would be a pretty good square for the fifth gen card. And looking at the level of water in her glass she HAS had some of it. So mark the “Drinks water” square. And now she mentions a reporter by name, so mark that square too! She’s a high-value Covid briefing bingo briefer!

Covid Briefing Bingo, Part The Part Where I Got Bored

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Yes, we are still doing this. It’s March the 204th of 2020 and here we are: live-tweeting and live-blogging a week-old video as if it were new because FUCK EVERYTHING THAT’S WHY.

Also, I’m sick, so it’s even more boring to live through a pandemic when you have a debilitating, uncomfortable, but relatively banal and unfatal seasonal flu. So I’m in what you might characterize as either No Mood or A Mood, depending on your regional dialect and idioms. So, there’s that.

First Generation Covid Briefing Bingo Card

Second Generation Covid Briefing Bingo Card

Third Generation Covid Briefing Bingo Card

Here is our video, helpfully titled by CPAC as “PM Trudeau on throne speech, election speculation, Covid-19 aid for provinces – September 16, 2020.” Great job hitting all those keywords, guys!

Shall we begin? Let’s begin.

There’s fuck all else to do around here, as I believe I mentioned.

Okay, there’s your Begins in English and Blue Suit squares checked. Didn’t see the shoes but smart money says yes, brown shoes. *shudders*

Didn’t see it because CPAC edits with a chainsaw, but you can bet the “Maple Leaf Accessory” was in play with the usual mask.

Did you realize that the Canadian flags are always draped to show the same precise segment of the Maple Leaf and that is someone’s actual JOB and I kind of love that.

That’s your “CBC Cadence” square ticked, and we’re a grand total of 17 seconds into the speech.

We’ve also got “Extras in the background” from the 3rd Generation bingo card. Very fancy extras including the Deputy PM.

And that’s “shifts responsibility to provinces”. I should make a square for every time he announces another new way to give Canadians money.

WTH is going on off-camera on the right? Something very interesting, apparently.

How can you have a Cabinet retreat in Ottawa when Ottawa is where Cabinet meets? Did they all just stroll over to the Lord Elgin and play dopey teambuilding games in a board room or something?

WHOA HE JUST SAID THE WORD “SOLIDARITY”. What was I just saying about Canadians being Socialist, @Guerrilha_Grodd?

Oh, got the “namechecks Dr. Theresa Tam” square a while ago, forgot to call that one out.

That “congratulations” on the US caving to Canadian demands about its aluminum tariffs is definitely a “Shades the US” square, so mark that one off. This is a busy briefing. Canada is a passive-aggressive nation, truly. These are My People.

There’s your traditional “Drinks water” as always in the pause between the speech and taking questions from the press. Dammit, I should have created a square for “Twinkleface.”

Bonus “Shades Putin without naming him”.

I just love that word, “donc.” I love it. Who knows why? It’s like punctuation, only verbal.

WTF? I didn’t have a square for “Building back better?” And me the world’s #1 alliteration fan. I am ashamed, people. I have failed you.

There’s your “Gesticulates” square but it was pretty weak. Normally he’s gesticulating away, particularly when he speaks French, but today was all the Concerned Priest Hand Clasp Pose.

If I were the Deputy PM and Finance Minister, or an Ambassador, or any other Minister, I’d be pretty pissed off to have to stand there silent for a full hour just to be background dressing for the Prime Minister. They must all have better things to do, surely.

Well, the question about the election got the arms flailing like a KitchenAid mixer. I sense the man might be somewhat emotionally invested in the question.

Freeland’s French is way better than I thought. Way better than mine, for sure.

Did…did they have Chrystia Freeland the Deputy Prime Minister stand on a box the whole time so she’d be in the shot? Yes, readers. Yes, they did.

And that concludes your Covid Briefing Bingo for today. Well, last Thursday. Whatever. It’s March 204th.

Justin Trudeau "Because it's 2015."

Covid Briefing Bingo, Continued…

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Justin Trudeau "Because it's 2015."

Justin Trudeau “Because it’s 2015.”

 

But for how long? Who among us can say (not even the esteemed Dr. Theresa Tam knows, nor the revered Dr. Bonnie Henry. Surely not your humble blog host). Now that the daily briefing has become the Once In Awhile briefing, there seems to be less and less point to creating new bingo cards; on the other hand, there is more and more boredom.

So, here we are.

Almost two months ago we launched the Canuckian version of Briefing Bingo, alongside pre-existing British and American games, taking our rightful place on the world stage. We dunno what’s up with the other two countries in Five Eyes, but maybe their retired journalists have better things to do with their time?

God knows I don’t.

Almost a month after the media frenzy (not really, although the NaPo did give me a very polite rejection email) of our initial launch, we followed up with the Second Generation Briefing Bingo card, featuring the square that would be near and dear to my departed mother’s heart, had she not departed this Earth back when Prime Minister Zoolander was still at school. I refer, of course, to the “Wears brown shoes with blue or grey suit WHICH IS JUST MORALLY WRONG” square.

To date we have filled exactly ONE row, the second row from the top in the first generation card. But do play our Daily-Briefing-Bingo-3rd Generation, either with or without previous editions, because if we can just coax him into saying the words “Attack and dethrone god” on-camera, it will all have been worth it.

Tune in now and then at roughly 10ish-11ish some mornings, follow along live on Twitter with the hashtag #BriefingBingo, or just check this site once a day for the roundup of each day’s bingo calls in the comments section. And if we miss something, an accidental photobomb, an insect, or a muttered “attack and dethrone god”, by all means hit us up in the comments; thanks to CPAC, we can always review and amend.