It’s Groundhog Day, sure, but not exactly, because there was no Federal Covid-19 Briefing on February 2 of last year. Remember BC, Before Covid, when we believed that every year would be better than the last?
Naw, who am I kidding? I’m GenX; we haven’t believed that since we were in grade school.
Here is your Groundhoggian/Woodchuckian briefing video, shockingly entirely Wiarton Willy-free! As a former Wiartonian, I thought it was a federal law that they had to mention him once a year. God knows, there’s not much else going on in that town.
1,089 views on this video, Tuesdays always being less busy than Fridays. Yeah, it’s probably because everyone figures I’m sleeping in on Tuesdays BUT I TRICKED YOU THIS TIME:
Our video is here, with 1700 tuned in live. Fridays are always busy at Rideau Cottage:
I see CPAC Captioneer is feeling Existentialist himself. Without faith in history or the future, their captions are meaningless, and without the incentive of being paid by the word there is no reason to fill them out to 150 words, the way they did mere weeks ago. It’s okay, CPAC Captioneer. We’re all half-assing it these days except Justin Trudeau, who is coasting on the adrenaline that’s sustained him through the Trump years and the oxytocin glow of the Joe Biden inauguration.
Edited to add: I guess CPAC doesn’t get a copy of the speech in advance, because only after the fact do they fully-ass the captions:
Prime Minister Justin Trudeau provides an update from outside his home in Ottawa on the federal government’s response to the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic. He announces tighter travel restrictions aimed at curbing the spread of the coronavirus. Air Canada, WestJet, Sunwing and Air Transat have agreed to suspend air services to all Caribbean destinations and Mexico starting January 31 until April 30. In addition, starting next week, international flights will only be allowed to land at Toronto, Montreal, Vancouver and Calgary. The prime minister also announces that the federal government will soon introduce mandatory in-airport PCR testing for returning travellers, who must await their results at an approved hotel for up to three days at their own expense. Mandatory COVID-19 testing at U.S. land borders will also be coming for non-essential travellers.
Well, possums, we were bad. We neglected you last week AND this week; what is it about Tuesday that makes it so damn difficult to liveblog the Covid briefing?
I’ll tell you: my god damned alarm not going off. What, after all, is the point of technology if we cannot use it as a convenient excuse when we want. My phone has many thousands of times more computing power than was used to send the Apollo astronauts to the moon, but what do I need it to do? Provide plausible cover for when I sleep in.
Moving right along, or left along, which is more to my anarchal communist taste. Tastes. But the less said about those, the better…
We, meaning me, are calling you, meaning you, “possums” because
hopefully there is more than one reader of this blog these days
Armie Hammer has ruined “kittens” forever
wemeaningme aremeaningis big fansmeaningfan of Dame Edna, and Dame Edna loved her possums
Anyhoodle, we missed both last week’s and this week’s Tuesday briefings, so we’re going to do a twofer today on Tuesday. Yes, you can mark your “Alliteration” square.
Here’s the video from today, since we’re doing these in reverse order because wemeaningme aremeaningis arbitrary that way. 33,000 views so far, one of the more popular ones.
Here we go. No fancy framing theme today, because I used all my mojo up yesterday creating a platform for my run to be elected Governor-General. I had no idea standards were so low: I may actually have a real shot at this. Haven’t killed anyone with a car yet, nor beaten a spouse, but hey, day’s not over, amirite?
One notes with interest that they’ve already killed her GGJPayette Twitter account, and now it’s just Canadian_GG. Oh, snap!
I need to go back and amend that post about becoming Governor-General, to put Mike Holmes in charge of all the permaculture-related renovations at Rideau Hall, and give Scott McGillivray some sort of “facilities manager” title just to keep him around so I can look at him. God knows, I’m a sucker for a good head of hair.
Oh yes, and we will write it into the rules that in order to graduate from a Canadian university, you must spend at least six months working in either retail or food and beverage service, ie waiting tables, cashier, sales floor, or cooking and/or serving fast food. No exceptions, no fancy bougie compound sinecure your connected uncle gets for you (“Second Under Barback at Bohemian Grove” spare me; if your shoes don’t smell like beer at the end of a shift, you ain’t a barback), no management jobs. Yes, welcome to the life of a front line worker. Your proletarian brothers and sisters embrace you! Enjoy your Teachable Moment.
Meanwhile, you can’t tell me Twitter isn’t comedy gold.
But where was I? Oh yes, explaining that there would be absolutely no elaborate introduction, nor framing device for today’s Covid Briefing Bingo. None. Zip. Because it’s 2021 and we’re over it, really, aren’t we?