Non-Election Election Bingo, Part the Second

We’re here, we’re caffeinated, and we’re doing this, Possums. Today is the investiture of the new Governor-General, who is NOT me (despite my second-best-impaired-by-Long-Covid efforts). It is Mary Simon, who, unlike me, is actually qualified for the job.

Here’s the program for the event, and here’s our video, with a mere 155 people watching live:

Mary Simon is sworn in as Canada’s 30th governor general during an installation ceremony in the Senate chamber. The Inuk leader and former diplomat becomes the first Indigenous person to serve in the role.

Here are our bingo cards:

Drumming by David Serkoak to begin and end the event.

Right off the top, you can mark your “Third language spoken” for the Algonquin welcome, with a gorgeous jacket and eagle feathers. Our new GG is of course Inuit, and has taken a lot of astroturfed crap for not being bilingual English/French, even though she was actively prevented from taking French in school because she was Inuit.

Oh, mark the “Sophie” square too. I’d have thought she’d be at the Lake working on her tan between now and October, but she made it.

Inneresting, they get the pages to wipe down the podium with sanitizing wipes between speakers.

And now, a musical interlude by Elisapie. Not sure which language it’s in, but it’s damn good, sounds bluesy to my ears. I wonder how often the Senate chamber has acoustic sessions, and I bet all the people sitting there on camera are wondering if it’s okay to visibly groove along with it. That’s okay, the singer is doing enough grooving for everyone, and besides, if cameras caught actual Senators actively grooving IN the Senate, the pillars of heaven might fall altogether. Canada prefers its progress to be slow, incremental, and, as much as possible, located offshore. The musical interlude concludes with much applause, and there was a moment you could almost hear them wondering if they were allowed to clap or if the Senate is like church and you’re not supposed to clap (no, not even at weddings). But they took the plunge.

Mark your “Royal Family” square for the speech from that guy reading out the Queen’s speech.

And now it’s oath time. Mark your “Florals” square, because that is some impressive florals she is sporting, and very First Nations.

I don’t know anything about Mary Simon that hasn’t been in the newspaper, but on the one hand she does not look like a woman to be fucked with; on the other, her hands are shaking. I wonder why that young uniformed guy is standing beside her, other than to hand her pieces of paper from time to time. Heck of a job for all that fancy braid. He’s even more nervous than she is. And it’s done.

I would just be thinking the whole time about how the first thing I’d do is bring back Letters of Marque.
Score one for the GG!

Inneresting, the Peace Tower is flying the GG’s flag. I’ve never seen that before in my life. She looks vastly relieved and like she could use a nap. Looooooooooong silence during which everyone side-eyes everyone else and wonders if something should be happening, but nobody does anything. Hashtag #Ottawa.

And now, another musical interlude, and I would frankly kill for those earrings. Andrina Turenne, you ever get tired of those earrings, you call me. That beat-up blue guitar, you just know it has Seen Some Shit.

Heraldic interlude, in which the new GG is presented with various Collars of Office which, to my great disappointment, she does not put on. These are chonky, expensive enameled and bejeweled things.

And now, another musical interlude by Tim Baker.

And now, Trudeau is speaking. Your squares are Clean-Shaven, Blue Suit, On Location, and Begins in English. He’s speaking in a much more hushed voice than usual, but that might just be because these are better microphones.

I know Canada has had a King or Queen for 150-some-odd-years now, but it’s still weird to see actual thrones sitting there. Oh, and Sophie gives you the “Strenuous nod” in agreement with the GG’s remarks on serving youth. To be 100% honest, the GG’s spoken French is just as good as mine, and I was BORN in France. Mark your “Diversity” square.

Now mark your “Neoliberalism” square and your “Who we are” square as well.

Can I just say that I LOVE the fact there’s a woman with blue hair sitting there in the chamber. Warms the cockles of my frozen heart. Fancy coloured hair 4 eva!

Mark your “Climate Change” square now, mark the hell out of it. Take that, deniers! And there’s your “Thanks Front Line Workers.

The Prime Minister is warned that Mary Simon’s Inuit name means “Bossy Little Old Lady.” Mark your “spontaneous laughter” square. I think he knows how to work with that type by now, but I suppose you could ask his mother, Sophie, or The Queen, should you happen to run into them at Loblaws. I ran into Sophie once at a cafe, and she does not strike me as a woman to cross (and I did NOT cut in line!).

Oooh, she’s moving into Rideau Hall. Good. It’s a hideous waste to have an actual palace on the books and nobody even living there or using it. And the Citadel too! 400 rooms I think it has. I BET THERE ARE GHOSTS!!! If you know the ghost stories, please tell them to me.

No applause for the National Anthem. Tough room. Very cool that they’re playing a drum as she walks out of the room. And I see Sophie is wearing some impressive beadwork too. I bet she gets hell from the Tories for wearing a skirt above the knee. Where do you go for lunch after something like that? They should go to that Hellmouth McDonalds to see how The Other Half lives. Ah, I see from the Official Program that they are off to lay flowers at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier and then to Rideau Hall, where we as taxpayers can finally begin to see a return on our investment in, among other things, the gaudiest room in Canadian History.

This is a real room, in Rideau Hall. As Liberace used to say, "I hope you like it. You paid for it."
This is a real room, in Rideau Hall. As Liberace used to say, “I hope you like it. You paid for it.”

And that’s a wrap, Possums. Thanks for joining!


ᓂᐱᑭᑦᑐᒃᑯᑦ ᐃᒻᖏᖅᑐᖅ ᓯᐅᑎᖓᓄᑦ ᐅᓂᑉᑳᖓ ᓴᖅᑭᑉᐸᓪᓕᐊᑉᓗᒍ

ᐱᓱᖃᑦᑕᕐᓂᕆᔭᖓᓂᑦ ᓯᓚᕐᓘᑕᐅᒐᓗᐊᒥᑦ ᐃᓅᓯᖅᑖᖅᑎᓐᓂᐊᕐᓗᒋᑦ

ᐃᓄᖁᑎᖏᑦ.”ᑎᑎᕋᖅᓯᒪᔪᖅ ᐱᔭᐅᔪᖅ “ᒥᐊᔨ ᓴᐃᒪᓐ/ᓂᖏᐅᑯᓗᒃ”
    ᑎᑎᕋᖅᑕᖓ ᓗᐃᔅ ᐳᓃᔅ ᕼᐋᓪᕝ (Louise Bernice Halfe) – ᓯᓚᖃᙱᑦᑐᒥᑦ ᒧᒥᖅᑎ (Sky Dancer),
    ᒪᓕᒐᓕᐅᕐᕕᒡᔪᐊᕐᒥᑦ ᐃᒻᖏᐅᓯᐅᖅᑎ Laureate

In Vaguely Related To Today’s Events political news, we have:

And the resurrection of the #IStandWithTrudeau hashtag which, if you ask me (which I note you have not), is way too long. But nonetheless, Liberal supporters (authentic carbon-based life forms as far as I can tell and I know many of them personally; if they’re androids, they’re damn good ones) are boosting into Trending territory on the reg.

But seriously, EVERYONE misses the beard.

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